Will we ever laugh again?

I was in elementary school when “Mork & Mindy” was a hit. Nanu nanu? Not for me. Maybe I was turned off by the rainbow suspenders. 

Over the years my dislike of Robin Williams’ brand of frenetic, dated humor only grew. I have even less tolerance for his mawkish turns in “Dead Poets Society” and “Patch Adams,” which, according to one critic, “Indulges to the hilt every obnoxious, hyperactive, oh-what-I-wouldn’t-give-for-a-tranquilizer-gun aspect of Robin Williams’ performing style.”.

See, I was not alone. You wouldn’t know that now. 

I’m not suggesting people should trash a guy when he’s dead. And if I thought any of his family members or friends read this blog, I wouldn’t be posting this. 

But this latest example of our culture’s desperation for communal experience has gone too far. Social media was awash in Huffington Post-like tributes of 140 characters or less — “The moment we all fell in love with Robin Williams.” Speak for yourself. 

Look, if Mr. T and Nancy Reagan jokes are you thing, go ahead and mourn. To everyone else, let’s curb the phon. 

We’re told he was a nice man, and his under-the-radar USO appearances bear that out. But as a comedian and he was not my cup of tea. That doesn’t make me a bad person.  

I just hope I die before Adam Sandler does. 

The compassion of the right

Ann Coulter manages to excoriate the missionaries who contracted Ebola while treating the infected in Liberia AND play the white Christian victim card.

Coulter theorizes many do-gooders choose to help out overseas because they’re “tired of being called homophobes, racists, sexists and bigots” when they work in the U.S.

“They need to buck up [and] serve their own country,” she writes

What did Kid Dyn-o-mite ever see in her?.

Meanwhile, Michele Bachmann has declared war on illegal immigrants

“What we have to recognize is that this truly is a war against the American people,” Bachman said. “And if we don’t act like it and take this border seriously, we’re going to have even more gangs.”

 

Ye shall overcome

Kanye West continues to insist celebrities are as oppressed today as blacks were in the 1960s — an absurd premise likely to be rationalized by media lickspittles.

Kanye says there’s a parallel between blacks fighting for civil rights in the ’60s and celebs fighting for theirs today:  “I mean in the ’60s people used to hold up ‘Die N****r’ signs when my parents were in the sit-ins also.”  Goldberg asks if he equates the struggle of blacks in the past with celebrities today and Kanye says, “Yes, 100 … I equate it to discrimination.  I equate it to inequalities.”

Kanye goes on, “We, as group of minorities here in L.A., as celebrities have to ban together to influence guys like this — guys trying to take the picture, guys trying to get the big win, guys trying to get the check.”

You could argue celebs are even more oppressed. Martin Luther King Jr. never had to deal with problems like these:

kanyetweet1

The 10 worst movies I paid money to see

I can think of only two occasions when I bought a ticket for a movie I knew would suck:

10.) “Fast Food” Starring Jim Varney and the guy who played Jo’s boyfriend on “The Facts of Life.” A friend of mine was an extra. His big head made a brief cameo.

9.) “Battlefield Earth” Leaves you pitying Scientologists.

As for the rest, I was either too young to know better or unfairly duped:

8.) “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil” Entertaining travelogue, respected director, gifted actors. Aimless script, bad Southern accents, terrible movie.

7.) “The Secret of My Success” A thorough encyclopedia of 80s cliches that reminds you just how much the 80s sucked.

6.) “Top Gun” Older, gayer version of an Abercrombie & Fitch ad. Will sequel top or bottom the original?

5.) “Celebrity” Of all the bad Woody Allen impressions, Kenneth Branagh’s was the most insufferable. Soon-Yi must’ve written the script.

4.) “Magnolia” Overrated sadist Paul Thomas Anderson subjects a dying Jason Robards to Tom Cruise warbling overwrought Aimee Mann songs. At least we were spared Fiona Apple.

3.) “Reality Bites” Makes you want to stab the 90s in the heart with machete used to kill Ethan Hawke’s character. I got your winter of discontent right here, bitch!

2.) “St. Elmo’s Fire” A unapologetic stalker gets the girl, a 23-year-old bore gets his own newspaper column, Judd Nelson, Rob Lowe plays the sax and Mare Winningham dons a girdle. And Judd Nelson. Yep, the 80s sucked.

1.) “Very Bad Things” A badly cast snuff film. Unfortunately, not everyone dies.

No idea how “Born on the Fourth of July” and “JFK” didn’t make the cut. “Fast Food” was better.

Why are these people running?

To get the autograph of Mr. Personality, Nick Saban, of course.

Just before he reaches his Mercedes, Saban is approached by an Alabama fan who wants to thank the coach for signing a football for his son. It meant so much to the boy, the man says. Saban gives the man a confused look, as if not comprehending how this large animate object had suddenly appeared in his path, and gets in the car without saying a word.

Kanye West is not very smart

I’ve never understood the media’s default acceptance off Kanye West: genius. The evidence says otherwise.

1.) He married a Kardashian.

2.) He says things like this (while defending his 45-minute toast to himself):

And what I talked about in it was the idea of celebrity, and celebrities being treated like blacks were in the ’60s, having no rights, and the fact that people can slander your name. I said that in the toast.

Ye shall overcome.

And this:

You know, God is infectious—God flowing through us and us being little-baby creators and shit. But His energy and His love and what He wants us to have as people and the way He wants us to love each other, that is infectious. Like they said in Step Brothers: Never lose your dinosaur. This is the ultimate example of a person never losing his dinosaur. Meaning that even as I grew in cultural awareness and respect and was put higher in the class system in some way for being this musician, I never lost my dinosaur.

3.) Intelligent people, truly intelligent people, don’t have to advertise their smarts.

Because I don’t like walking around with people thinking I’m doing uncool shit, because there’s nothing I’m doing that’s uncool. It’s all innovative. You just might not understand it yet. But it’s cool.

No it’s not.

Michelle Bachmann doesn’t think much of her husband

The Minnesota Republican warned that the gay community will “abolish age of consent laws, which means we will do away with statutory rape laws so that adults will be able to freely prey on little children sexually. That’s the deviance that we’re seeing embraced in our culture today.”

She also predicted that gay rights advocates will legalize polygamy and enact “hate speech laws across the United States” in order to bring about “the rise of tyranny.”

Self-loathing much?

Allegedly gay Texas Gov. Rick Perry went to San Francisco today to argue that homosexuality, like alcoholism, is just another lifestyle choice.

“Whether or not you feel compelled to follow a particular lifestyle or not, you have the ability to decide not to do that,” Perry said during an appearance at the Commonwealth Club of California, according to the San Francisco Chronicle newspaper. “I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that, and I look at the homosexual issue the same way.”

It begins

Oh, how I’ve dreaded this day, among the most holy on the hipster calendar.  It’s Christmas morning for Europhiles, who, as I write this, are summoning every ounce of faux passion within their eager-to-please-the-right-people beings in preparation for Day 1 of the World Cup. They’ll act like they’ve been waiting their whole lives for this moment, but in reality most have been waiting about three years, or whenever it was their collective informed them soccer (they get really pissed off when you call it that) is the new handlebar mustache.

This is particularly evident in New York creative circles, where the game’s aesthetics, Europhilic allure and fashionable otherness have made soccer the new baseball — the go-to sport of the thinking class.

Because nothing says intellectual quite like following the herd.

“It’s almost guaranteed that almost any male literary person under the age of 45 is going to be somewhat versed in soccer,” said Sean Wilsey, a writer who helped edit “The Thinking Fan’s Guide to the World Cup,” a 2006 compilation of essays by the likes of Dave Eggers and Robert Coover. As a conversation topic, it has become inevitable at book parties, in part because it is both sophisticated and safe. “Isn’t it sort of a relief to talk about the English Premier League instead of the sad state of publishing?” he added. “It’s a great default topic.”