rascals, form a line to the right

A good friend visiting Disney World with her 3-year-old reports, “Ava almost got run down by more than one fat person in a rascal yesterday. There are literally thousands of people here who are too fat to walk.” So many, in fact, that the park has added a special line to accommodate visitors in mobility scooters. Here they are waiting to get inside the animal kingdom exhibit:

Filed under: Americans scare me, obesity

is annoying the new fascinating?

Barbara Walters’ list of most fascinating people reads like the who’s who of grating personalities: Sarah Palin, Kate Gosselin (the woman with all the kids married to the effeminate Asian dude with the wandering eye), Glenn Beck, Lady Gaga and Brett Farve. The year’s most “fascinating” person will reportedly be a pretty, inoffensive 19-year-old country pop singer.

Filed under: Obnoxious celebrities

no sympathy for tiger

Why would anyone feel sorry for a guy who fucks around on his wife while she’s pregnant with their first child?

In the most critical comment from a player, Jesper Parnevik said he owed an apology to Woods’ wife, Elin, a former Swedish model who once worked as a nanny for the Parnevik family.

“We probably thought he was a better guy than he is,” Parnevik told the Golf Channel from West Palm Beach, Fla., where he is in the final stage of PGA Tour qualifying.

Windermere police said Woods’ wife told them she smashed out the back windows of his SUV with a golf club to help get him out after he struck a fire hydrant and tree.

“I would probably need to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of a 3-iron,” Parnevik said, adding that he has not spoken to Woods since the accident.

Filed under: Obnoxious celebrities, Sports

what’s wrong with this picture?

Young women gaze adoringly at girlfriend-beating jerk Chris Brown (via the AJC)

If I had a daughter (or son, for that matter), they wouldn’t be attending a concert by an unrepentant jackass who beats up women.

Filed under: Music, Obnoxious celebrities, bad parents, domestic violence

meredith’s secret

I could care less about Meredith Baxter’s revelation, though it does give me an excuse to post a clip from one of the all-time great telepics, “Kate’s Secret.” Birney plays a bulimic who ends up in a support group led by Ed Asner for some reason (because he’s a glutton?). And if that’s not appetizing enough, there’s a cameo by Mackenzie Phillips as one of Asner’s patients. If you’re in a hurry, flash ahead to the 8:10 mark. As you’ll see, Kate wasn’t very good at hiding her secret.

Filed under: Television

woman of the people

Now we know why Sarah Palin bans all cameras and recording devices from her personal appearances.

The rules for the crowd were laid out by a spokesman for Palin’s book tour, who said no personal photos of the 2008 Republican vice presidential candidate were allowed, but attendees could pose with her and buy photos later from a Web site.

People in line also were required to be Costco members and show receipts that they bought “Going Rogue” at the discount retailer.

She may not be presidential timber, but Palin certainly has a future as a grifter. As her book sales demonstrate, there’s a sucker born every minute second.

Filed under: Americans scare me, Sarah Palin

rabid tech fans just as obnoxious as irrational bulldog backers

Yesterday an AJC reporter wrote an innocuous article about some tongue-in-cheek comments from Tech Coach Paul Johnson (who demonstrated welcome candor). It was, in digital news parlance, a talker, a quick little story posted to get hits and start a conversation. No one will confuse the piece with great journalism.

For the record, said reporter graduated from UGA. He attended one football game in his four years in Athens, vs. Georgia Tech. He rooted for the Jackets because he enjoys watching Georgia’s more emotionally invested fanatics seethe.

Don’t tell that to the Tech fans who seized upon the article as further proof that the AJC is biased against their school.

Awww….Looks like the AJC writer has a bit of a crush on the dawgs and accidentally let show in his knee-jerk journalism “I am pissed” post.

Quick review of Christian Boone’s other AJC articles indicates that he is not primarily a sports reporter. His small and seemingly insignificant news articles are either human interest or he seems to prefer inciting the readership with hot button issues like race, gender equality, or capital punishment. My interpretation is a very small reporter trying to stir two factions into more of a fight to keep his unrecognizable byline going. (He’s referring to articles about the role of race in previous Atlanta mayoral runoffs, the firing of a transgendered state employee and coverage of the Georgia’s most recent execution — nothing as significant as college football.)

Anyone who listens to the interview and hears the context will realize he’s joking, but newspapers love to stir controversy by taking statements like that and quoting them without context. (From the article: “Get a thick skin. Guy giving you a hard time and you get tired of it, punch him in the face,” [Johnson] said, tongue-in-cheek.) In a few years, when the AJC is gone and the reporter is out of a job, it will be kind of amusing. (It is funny when people lose their jobs.)

Just one more reason to spay and neuter your dogs people…to avoid people like this being spawned.

Funny how they sound just like some Georgia fans I’ve known.

Filed under: Sports, bias, fanatics

will a bible thumpin’ atlanta hater be georgia’s next speaker?

Few Georgians will miss current House Speaker Glenn Richardson, whose outster appears imminent. But don’t pop any champagne corks — in fact, you might want to hide the bubbly if, as Scott Henry predicts, St. Simons legislator Jerry Keen assumes the House leadership.

You may recall Keen, the former director of the Christian Coalition, telling MARTA to go fuck themselves this past spring after the cash-strapped transit authority sought access to a state-controlled operations fund. Keen was unmoved, even though the money was already earmarked for MARTA. Besides, Keen explained, he lives closer to Disney World than Atlanta and rarely uses public transportation.

If he becomes speaker, Mayor-Elect (?) Kasim Reed’s job gets tougher. And you can forget Sunday alcohol sales.

Filed under: General Assembly, Georgia, the ATL

the irrelevance of modern conservatism

I don’t root for it, by the way. I’d rather the right be relevant, but that won’t happen as long as its major influences are a callous, hypocritical blowhard, a messianic Mormon, an unrepentant nihilist and Sarah Palin.

By a wide margin, Americans consider Rush Limbaugh the nation’s most influential conservative voice.

Those are the results of a poll conducted by “60 Minutes” and Vanity Fair magazine and issued Sunday. The radio host was picked by 26 percent of those who responded, followed by Fox News Channel’s Glenn Beck at 11 percent. Actual politicians – former Vice President Dick Cheney and former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin – were the choice of 10 percent each.

Filed under: Cheney, Sarah Palin, conservatism, conservative blowhards

inspiration

If I have my way this song will figure prominently within the script I’m currently co-writing.

INT. Dark, dank living room. John Milch Sr. and his son-in-law, Elton Bonner, watch television in silence. Probably because the volume on the TV is so loud — though not loud enough to overwhelm the din of Milch’s Pollenex air filter.

The camera zooms in on the oversized, 80s-era TV, showing a Craig Stadler (Milch Sr.’s favorite golfer) highlight package. Barry White’s “Love’s Theme” provides the soundtrack.

ELTON: “Ah, Barry White.”
JOHN MILCH: “Yeah, that’s right, a white guy.”

Filed under: Film, Me, Music, nostalgia