Sarah Palin calls Tori Spelling ‘inspiring’

Besides gushing over the former “90210” prop, the reality show star turned “Today” host defended Jessica Simpson and criticized the new Steve Jobs biopic because she doesn’t like it when actors are paid to play real people. I guess she’d prefer Jobs portray himself.

Gallagher Too is a very happy man today

His brother, who was granted an injunction prohibiting Gallagher Too from smashing watermelons, has retired.

Ron Gallagher, now unemployed, was forced to pay Gallagher damages, a dick move that won’t come as a surprise to those of us who’ve had the misfortune of interviewing the famous prop comic (click first link for details).

Is there a man in Rihanna’s life who is not a damn fool?

Rihanna’s father, who recently told his daughter she was looking fat, gives his blessing to her doomed reunion with domestic abuser Chris Brown.

He told Heat magazine: ”Chris is a nice guy and everybody’s entitled to make mistakes in their life – God knows how many I’ve made.”

I’m so sick of people pardoning Brown on the basis that we all make “mistakes”. True, none of us are infallible, but most of us don’t beat the shit out of women

Likewise, most fathers of abused women don’t pardon the guy who put their daughter in the hospital.

Chris Brown is a pathetic shit

As is anyone who beats up a woman. No excuses. No pity.

But Chris Brown has changed, enablers like Russell Simmons, Rosie O’Donnell and Queen Latifah said. He’s paid his penance. He won’t do it again.

Sure.

While there were some insensitive fans who trivialized domestic violence and seemed to welcome a punch in the face from Brown, others were not so happy to see him welcomed back into the spotlight or awarded for anything.

To which Brown responded:

The useful idiot doesn’t fall far from the tree

Like father, like son:

Oliver Stone’s Son, Defender of Ahmadinejad, Converts to Islam

He said criticizing the Iranian government is “like someone coming to your house and saying the father shouldn’t hit the kids,” he said. “Who are we to tell them how to rule their country?”

So it’s a bad thing to intervene when a father hits the kids? I’m sure Sean Stone didn’t intend it, but he’s right in casting Ahmadinejad and the Iranian regime as abusive parents.

Piers Morgan interviewing Jermaine Jackson on CNN, as predicted

I didn’t predict the embarrassing assist from Don Lemming, er, Lemon, but otherwise, I called it:

Trump this: Newt secures coveted Gallagher endorsement

Gallagher, following lead of Rick Perry, Todd Palin and Chuck Norris, endorses Newt

Self-proclaimed comedian Gallagher announced Friday he is endorsing Newt Gingrich for president.

Gallagher said the former speaker shares his concerns about America’s cultural drift.

“Like me, he’s opposed to people naming their girl-children Sam and Toni instead of acceptable names like Evelyn and Betty: Just give her some little lesbian tendencies!” Gingrich would re-open Guantánamo Bay except this time “we’ll be allowed to torture all the way,” Gallagher said. “We had to half-torture—that’s nothin’ compared to what Saddam and his two sons OOFAY and GOOFAY did.”

Defending traditional marriage is another of Gallagher’s concerns. “Newt knows like I do there’s two types of lesbians — the ugly ones and pretty ones.” He’s also suspicious of “people like Cher’s daughter—figure that out. She wants a penis, but she has a big belly. If you can’t see your dick, you don’t get one.”

Most importantly, Newt doesn’t speak French, Gallagher said. “They ruin our language with their faggy words.”

Mitt Romney’s campaign shrugged off the Gallagher endorsement. “We’ve got Carrot Top,” said a top Romney adviser.

(quotes lifted nearly verbatim from a 2010 profile of Gallagher by The Stranger)

Things I don’t understand

The enduring popularity of Steven Tyler.

foursquare. I thought I’d receive some sort of tangible reward for check-ins. Don’t think I’ll be changing my business cards to add “Mayor of Taco Mac.”

Wolf Blitzer as a TV commentator. It takes him 10 minutes to break news, what with all the stammering and qualifiers.

The fascination w/ Beyonce. She’s as programmed as Romneytron.

How this video is NOT a parody. (They were “discovered” by boy band alum Lance Bass — in the cheesiest gay bar in Orlando, apparently.)