For years I’ve had a character that’s gotten me out of many uncomfortable silences (and caused a few): Gay redneck, loves NASCAR and dick with equal fervor. Ronnie Sproles, Gay Redneck’s Christian name, drives a Ford truck with a sticker of a boy pissing on a Chevy right next to a rainbow flag decal. Today … Continue reading Nothing like a somewhat obscure caricature fulfilled
I was probably 5 or 6 when I received my first doctor’s kit but was disappointed with the thermometer. Always the resourceful tot, I turned to most trusted accessory. No one got more use out of crayons. I used to mash up the gold, silver and bronze ones into a fine powder, passing out portions … Continue reading Sexual assault with a rogue Crayola
I’ve written about my paternal grandfather (not to be confused with my infamous step-grandfather) before. Pop Pop Boone was a master storyteller with incredibly bad judgment and questionable character. Not surprisingly, we were close. Most Thanksgivings were spent in Toomsboro, where my dad grew up. It wasn’t even a one-stoplight town, and even natives like … Continue reading Thanksgiving in Toomsboro
Particularly when he’s critical of a certain Oscar-winning screenwriter‘s new film, “J. Edgar”: For now, we have another miscalculation in a bloodless film about a monster more pathetic than dangerous, with an odd, rambling screenplay by Oscar-winning writer Dustin Lance Black (Milk) that meanders all over the place unable to tell a story with any … Continue reading I’m not above quoting Rex Reed
A new biography on the life of Walter Payton alleges that the NFL Hall of Famer numbed his maladies by robotically ingesting the painkiller Darvon during his playing days, was involved in extramarital dalliances and fell into a depressed state that included heavy self-medication after his NFL career ended in 1987. I interviewed Payton in … Continue reading Actually, I don’t hate to say I told ya so
(originally posted 6/10/08) I found out my step-grandfather died tonight. No sympathy required — it’s sort of a funny story. Dark humor, you know. I’ve written about Ralph before, but there’s still much to tell. He was a fixture through my youth, though once my grandmother passed away our family cut Ralph loose. Withhold your … Continue reading Remembering Ralph
When my sister married the rich guy, families from opposite ends of the good fortune chain uncomfortably merged. His was born into inheritance; hers (mine) born in holes, equipped with shovels. The rehearsal dinner was at a navy blue-blooded private club in a Buckhead high-rise. I was seated next to my late Aunt Babs, a truly gifted color … Continue reading My sister’s rehearsal dinner
I’ve written before about the coffee table Bible and the prudish stripper, my two most ingenious fibs. Today I was reminded of two others. Roughly 12 years ago today my friend Ms. Ellie was expecting a very special visitor. What started as an outlandish joke evolved into a false promise that she would be paid … Continue reading Deceptions (best of)
I’ve been invited to a speak to a group of bloggers tonight during one of the Malcontent’s more pronounced lulls. Perhaps I’ll speak on selecting a new template, aka Redesigning your blog, OCD and me. Let’s see: Debt ceiling. Pass. Michele Bachmann. Still crazy. Weather. Still hot. Summer movies. Still lame. Ah, here we go. … Continue reading Miley Cyrus is SEO friendly
Andrew Sullivan asks, “When did you lose your Internet cherry?” My story: I was the first of my friends to purchase a PC, a massive Compaq that set me back nearly $2,000. I was freelancing at the time, typing stories on a word processor, which I would save to a floppy disc then drive to … Continue reading ‘Six-time local Emmy award-winning weatherman, bearish top, Boy Scout leader’
I’ve found myself in some strange places over the years, including: Kate Jackson‘s bed, minus Kate Jackson; An “old-fashioned cross burning” at the home of Howard Stern’s favorite Klansmen, Daniel Carver. Work, not pleasure; On the telephone with Gallagher. Work, not pleasure; Reviewing Partridge Family memorabilia on a picnic table at Road Atlanta with Brian … Continue reading How did I end up here?
A certain nurse won’t like it, but my views on gay pride (here and here) no longer exist in a vacuum. Would gay pride parades be more effective if participants wore suits and street clothes, instead of leather thongs and ass-less pants? Cord Jefferson at The Root says yes. Just as African Americans took extra … Continue reading Are gays catching on?
For someone who takes pride in his ability to mislead without malice, this essay was very reassuring (via Andrew Sullivan). “If you can lie, you can act,” Brando told Jod Kaftan, a writer for Rolling Stone and one of the few people to have viewed the footage. “Are you good at lying?” asked Kaftan. “Jesus,” … Continue reading Lies and the lying liar who tells them
Despite accepting the “invitation to receive Christ” on more than one occasion, I wasn’t convinced of my salvation. I was only 11, after all — unprepared to handle the implications of eternal damnation. My family’s 1981 summer vacation was preceded by a Southern Baptist revival. For those of you lucky enough not to be raised … Continue reading The Rapture and me
I could blame a harried week at work, or perhaps my advancing age. No, that’s too depressing. Whatever the reason, I celebrated the new year alone. Plans were made and I anticipated a good time. Ah, and “North by Northwest” was on TCM. That was six hours ago. I didn’t even make it through the … Continue reading I resolve not to believe in omens