Sexual assault with a rogue Crayola

December 7, 2011 // 0 Comments

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I was probably 5 or 6 when I received my first doctor’s kit but was disappointed with the thermometer. Always the resourceful tot, I turned to most trusted accessory. No one got more use out of crayons. I used to mash up the gold, silver and [...]

I’m not above quoting Rex Reed

November 8, 2011 // 0 Comments

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Particularly when he’s critical of a certain Oscar-winning screenwriter‘s new film, “J. Edgar”: For now, we have another miscalculation in a bloodless film about a monster more pathetic than dangerous, with an odd, rambling [...]

Actually, I don’t hate to say I told ya so

October 28, 2011 // 1 Comment

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A new biography on the life of Walter Payton alleges that the NFL Hall of Famer numbed his maladies by robotically ingesting the painkiller Darvon during his playing days, was involved in extramarital dalliances and fell into a depressed state that [...]

My sister’s rehearsal dinner

October 18, 2011 // 2 Comments

When my older sister married her husband, families from opposite ends of the good fortune chain uncomfortably merged. His was born into old money; hers (mine) born in holes, equipped with shovels. The rehearsal dinner was at a navy blue-blooded [...]

Deceptions (best of)

September 13, 2011 // 0 Comments

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I’ve written before about the coffee table Bible and the prudish stripper, my two most ingenious fibs. Today I was reminded of two others. Roughly 12 years ago today my friend Ms. Ellie was expecting a very special visitor. What started as an [...]

Miley Cyrus is SEO friendly

August 3, 2011 // 0 Comments

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I’ve been invited to a speak to a group of bloggers tonight during one of the Malcontent’s more pronounced lulls. Perhaps I’ll speak on selecting a new template, aka Redesigning your blog, OCD and me. Let’s see: Debt ceiling. [...]

How did I end up here?

June 19, 2011 // 1 Comment

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I’ve found myself in some strange places over the years, including: Kate Jackson‘s bed, minus Kate Jackson; An “old-fashioned cross burning” at the home of Howard Stern’s favorite Klansmen, Daniel Carver. Work, not [...]

Are gays catching on?

June 10, 2011 // 0 Comments

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A certain nurse won’t like it, but my views on gay pride (here and here) no longer exist in a vacuum. Would gay pride parades be more effective if participants wore suits and street clothes, instead of leather thongs and ass-less pants? Cord [...]

Lies and the lying liar who tells them

June 4, 2011 // 2 Comments

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For someone who takes pride in his ability to mislead without malice, this essay was very reassuring (via Andrew Sullivan). “If you can lie, you can act,” Brando told Jod Kaftan, a writer for Rolling Stone and one of the few people to have [...]

The Rapture and me

May 19, 2011 // 1 Comment

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Despite accepting the “invitation to receive Christ” on more than one occasion, I wasn’t convinced of my salvation. I was only 11, after all — unprepared to handle the implications of eternal damnation. My family’s 1981 [...]

I resolve not to believe in omens

January 1, 2011 // 1 Comment

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I could blame a harried week at work, or perhaps my advancing age. No, that’s too depressing. Whatever the reason, I celebrated the new year alone. Plans were made and I anticipated a good time. Ah, and “North by Northwest” was on [...]

Right again, ATLmalcontent

December 1, 2010 // 0 Comments

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I’m an excellent judge of people I’ve never met, a gift that revealed itself once again after scanning the program description for a reality show about Russell Simmons, who’s always struck me as a big phony. It read, almost [...]