The dumbing down of conservatism

Some “highlights” from the CPAC convention: *Severe conservative Mitt Romneytron was programmed to liberally repeat the word “conservative” and did so more than two dozen times. Chasing the wind, as he’s wont to do, The Anchorman said he “will fight for an amendment to our Constitution that defines marriage as a relationship between one man and one woman.” Because the central tenet of conservatism is Washington knows better than the states. *Next, flavor of the week (vanilla) Rick Santorum touted his fundamentalist bona fides. Santorum criticized the Obama administration’s health care regulation that would require Catholic hospitals and universities to provide birth…

Trump this: Newt secures coveted Gallagher endorsement

Self-proclaimed comedian Gallagher announced Friday he is endorsing Newt Gingrich for president. Gallagher said the former speaker shares his concerns about America’s cultural drift. “Like me, he’s opposed to people naming their girl-children Sam and Toni instead of acceptable names like Evelyn and Betty: Just give her some little lesbian tendencies!” Gingrich would re-open Guantánamo Bay except this time “we’ll be allowed to torture all the way,” Gallagher said. “We had to half-torture—that’s nothin’ compared to what Saddam and his two sons OOFAY and GOOFAY did.” Defending traditional marriage is another of Gallagher’s concerns. “Newt knows like I do there’s two types…

Reason #1 to vote against Newt

Sarah Palin may get to the White House after all, if Newt Gingrich wins in 2012, that is. The Republican presidential candidate told CNN Wednesday evening that if he wins the White House, he’d ask the ex-Alaska governor to take a “major role” in his administration.

Never trust a sanctimonious egomaniac

Via Politico: After nearly a week on the defensive, CNN’s John King reports tonight that Newt Gingrich’s claim about offering witnesses to ABC News in his defense — to rebut the network’s interview with his second wife, Marianne Gingrich — was not true. “Tonight, after persistent questioning by our staff, the Gingrich campaign concedes now Speaker Gingrich was wrong — both in his debate answer, and in our interview yesterday,” King said on tonight’s edition of John King USA. “Gingrich spokesman R.C. Hammond says the only people the Gingrich campaign offered to ABC were his two daughters from his first marriage.”

Why is this man laughing?

Meet Pastor Rodney Harold Browne, the latest boob to endorse Newt (along with Todd Palin, Chuck Norris and Rick Perry). Actually, “boob” is too kind a description for this con man: When the Holy Ghost Bartender (who also refers to himself as the Holy Ghost Hitman) arrived at my seat, he began threatening to have me thrown out of the sanctuary. “I’m telling you right now,” he hissed, “you’ll drop dead if you prohibit what God is doing!” Dramatically he gestured toward the crowd and warned them that those like me, who would dare question that what he was doing was of…

‘The most seriously professorial politician since Woodrow Wilson’ doesn’t understand the 1st Amendment

Professor Newt demonstrates a fundamentally profound misunderstanding of Amendment 1. “We’re going to serve notice on future debates,” [Gingrich] told Fox. “We’re just not going to allow that to happen. That’s wrong. The media doesn’t control free speech. People ought to be allowed to applaud if they want to.” To paraphrase Ronald Reagan, the media paid for those microphones and can impose whatever code of conduct they choose.

The humility of Newt

Some fundamentally profound quotations attesting to the transformational grandiosity of Newt (via the Romney oppo research team): “I Am Essentially A Revolutionary.” (Adam Clymer, “House Revolutionary,” The New York Times, 8/23/92) “I Have An Enormous Personal Ambition. I Want To Shift The Entire Planet. And I’m Doing It. … I Represent Real Power.” (Lois Romano, “Newt Gingrich, Maverick On The Hill,” The Washington Post, 1/3/85) “I First Talked About [Saving Civilization] In August Of 1958.” (Robert Draper, “He’s Baaack!” GQ, 8/05) “Because I am much like Reagan and Margaret Thatcher, I’m such an unconventional political figure that you really need to design a unique campaign that fits the…

Zsa Zsa for president

The right is already making excuses for Newt. “Psychiatrist” Keith Ablow, writing for Foxnews.com, does them one better, arguing that Gingrich’s serial adultery will make him a better president. 1) Three women have met Mr. Gingrich and been so moved by his emotional energy and intellect that they decided they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with him. 2) Two of these women felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich was already married. 3 ) One of them felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich was already married for the second time, was not exactly her equal in the looks…