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Better stay profitable, Tom Cruise

The media’s unrequited love affair with (relevant) celebrities has long been an exercise in shameless, soulless pandering, but the wet kiss it planted this week on Tom Cruise marked a new low.

Just three months ago, Cruise was hit with allegations that he profited from slave labor provided by the Church of Scientology and sanctioned the humiliation of an auditioning girlfriend who, after she displeased the cult’s self-appointed messiah, was forced into menial labor.

Cruise has not responded to the allegations. Worse, the media hasn’t asked.

On the web site Grantland, Cruise has received Lifetime Achievement Award treatment, with glowing articles (“Which Tom  Cruise is the Best Tom Cruise?”) about his overrated performance in one of the most overrated flicks ever, “Magnolia,” and his campy turn in “Tropic Thunder.”

Jon  Stewart turned into Jimmy Fallon when Cruise visited “The Daily Show,” praising his resume, fitness and hair. Starfucker Fallon eagerly played along with the most impossible mission — making Cruise seem human — by engaging him in a lip-syncing contest.

At the very least he could’ve had him sing “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

At the very least, Cruise is the highest-profile advocate for an institution that’s been repeatedly charged with human-rights abuses over the past few decades. If Wright and Gibney’s accounts are accurate, he’s the second most-powerful person in Scientology, and he’s completely insulated from even the most irreverent television personalities in the country asking him questions about it.

That’s unlikely to change — as long as he’s profitable.

I’m sure the serfs who detailed his private jet are happy master wasn’t challenged.

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