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You can’t stop time and other deep ruminations from the black Chauncey Gardiner

I’ve yet to see any convincing evidence of Kanye West’s alleged brilliance, a reputation that has held even after he married a Kardashian.

On Monday the man who in 2013 said he “believed the world can be saved by design” was invited to speak at the Oxford Guild Business Society. After asking everyone to remain silent throughout — “I can literally hear a whisper and it’ll throw off my stream of consciousness” — he promised a speech full of “the best, illest quotes” but delivered none. The press ate it up nonetheless, reminding everyone that Kanye’s a genius because he says he is and, after all, he should know because he’s a genius.

As for the rampant self-pity, well, that’s forgiven because we all know geniuses are a little nuts.

So prepare yourself. It’s about to get all deep up in here.

Time is the only luxury. It’s the only thing you can’t get back. If you lose your luggage – I’m not gonna say the obvious brand of luggage that I’d normally say because I’ve got a meeting with them soon – if you lose your expensive luggage at the airport, you can get that back. You can’t get the time back.

If your mind hasn’t been blown yet, ponder Kanye’s ruminations about the timeless message of a Keanu Reeves movie.

The Matrix is like the Bible of the post-information age.

“I compared it like, when the hundred guys come at Neo, those are opinions, that’s perception, that’s tradition. Attacking people from every which angle possible. If you have a focus wide and master sense is like Laurence Fishburne and you have a squad behind you, you literally can put the world in slow motion.

Someone’s been hanging out with Will Smith’s kids.  Perhaps they were the ones who taught Kanye even the most expensive Persian rug with cherub imagery can’t buy happiness.

It’s illegal to not wear clothes, and also possibly too cold. That means someone is imposing an idea on you that should legally have to do! Clothing should be like food. There should never be a $5000 sweater. You know what should cost $5000? A car should be $5000. And you know who should work on the car? The people that work on the $500,000 cars. All the best talent in the world needs to work for the people. And I am so fucking serious about this concept that I will stand in front of anyone and fight for it. Because I was 14 and middle class. I know what it felt like to not get what I have.”

I was wondering when Victim Kanye would show up.

“There’s a Bible saying, ‘No weapon formed against me shall prosper’. Recently I’ve been doing interviews and I’ve had to go back to this verse because I don’t think there’s a living celebrity with more weapons formed against them, but I also don’t think there’s one more prosperous.

Naturally, Generation Starfucker was all agog.

At the end, he abruptly said “That’s all” and walked out, with shouts of “NO!” from the audience who wanted more of the Ye thought stream.


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