Oscar’s worst winners

A quick aside: Ellen=Lesbian Billy Crystal

1. Titanic. Give me “The Poseidon Adventure” any day.
2. Shakespeare in Love. Unleashed Gwyneth Paltrow on an unsuspecting world.
3. Gandhi. Tried to cover too much ground, a typical failing of biopics.
4. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. Heralded the geek takeover I long feared.
5. Dances With Wolves. Beat out Goodfellas and made Kevin Costner a star. Costner’s follow-up: “Waterworld”
6. Chariots of Fire. Vangelis’ theme was  the most interesting thing about it.
7. American Beauty. Over-the-top (particularly the usually reliable Annette Bening) and condescending.
8. The English Patient. Saw it on a date. He liked it, I loathed it. There was no second date.
9. Crash.  Need I say more?
10. Chicago. Helped usher in the musical revival that refuses to die. Saw it with my mother, who was ready to leave after 20 minutes. I’ve never been so proud of her.

(since 1970)