Skip to content

20 movies I won’t see in 2014

A new Adam Sandler/Drew Barrymore comedy? A remake of “Annie”? Another “Transformers” sequel? Only if there’s a gun pointed at my head. And even then …

The rest:

X-Men: Days of Future Past. Because I’m not a teen-age boy, or a geek.

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones & Paranormal Activity 5. Two sequels, in the same year? Can’t be good.

I: Frankenstein. The plotline says it all: 200 years after his shocking creation, Dr. Frankenstein’s creature, Adam, still walks the earth. But when he finds himself in the middle of a war over the fate of humanity, Adam discovers he holds the key that could destroy humankind.

Night at the Museum 3. Co-starring Robin Williams, in case Ben Stiller isn’t reason enough to stay away.

Her. I like Spike Jonze, but Joaquin Phoenix playing a “soulful man who makes his living writing touching, personal letters for other people,” and his subsequent romance with a machine, scares me.

Tyler Perry’s Single Moms Club. Because I’m not this guy:

Erik wanted to have some understanding of these movies because many of his co-workers are fans of Perry’s films. Thus, he wanted to be able to discuss them if they ever came up in conversation at work. I believe he saw Perry’s entire filmography, including filmed performances of the stage plays, which include intermissions, flubbed lines, improvisations, musical numbers, and discussions from Perry about moral lessons and thematic elements.

The Hobbit: There and Back Again. I bet even J.R.R. Tolkein is getting sick of this seemingly endless series.

Endless Love. A contender, along with “Annie,” for most pointless remake of 2014.

Three Days to Kill. Marking Kevin Costner’s return as a leading man. Cue yawns.

That Awkward Moment. It would be kind of creepy if I was looking forward to a relationship comedy starring Zac Efron.

Winter’s Tale. “Set in a mythic New York City and spanning more than a century, Winter’s Tale is a story of miracles, crossed destinies, and the age-old battle between good and evil.” It should come as no surprise that Will Smith is one of the stars.

Sinbad: The Fifth Voyage. The Fourth Voyage really sucked.

Superfast. Bad timing for a spoof of “The Fast and the Furious.”

Business or Pleasure. Vince Vaughn goes on “a routine business trip (that) goes off the rails in every imaginable — and unimaginable — way, including unplanned stops at a massive sex fetish event and a global economic summit.” Just for fun, try convincing a millennial that Vince Vaughn was once considered a sex symbol.

Jersey Boys. “Based on the Tony Award-winning Broadway musical” is all the information I need.

Edge of Tomorrow. Starring Tom Cruise, an automatic disqualifier, though he does play a character who, “inexplicably thrown into a time loop,” dies repeatedly. So I’m torn.

Categories

Film

Tags

Advertisements

One thought on “20 movies I won’t see in 2014 Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: