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Thanksgiving with Scott Baio

Longtime Malcontenters may recall my late step-grandfather Ralph, the pathological liar with poor table manners. One Thanksgiving when I was around 16 we visited my grandmother in her Indiana trailer (as depressing as it sounds). “Young man, I have a movie you’re gonna love,” said Ralph, who we always placated so as not to upset my overly sensitive grandmother.

So, at my mother’s insistence, I spent part of my Thanksgiving alone in my step-grandfather’s “study” watching the 80s classic “Zapped,” about a nerdy teen (Scott Baio) who gains telekinetic powers he uses to disrobe hot chicks like Heather Thomas. Co-starring Willie Aames and Scatman Crothers.

I’m thankful Ralph didn’t watch it with me.

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