A Republican’s wet dream: Olbermann v. Gore

Conservative boogeymen Al Gore and Keith Olbermann may soon be facing off in court after the ex-veep and Current TV exec became the latest suit to fire the former sportscaster.

It goes almost without saying that the claims against me implied in Current’s statement are untrue and will be proved so in the legal actions I will be filing against them presently. …

In due course, the truth of the ethics of Mr. Gore and Mr. Hyatt will come out. For now, it is important only to again acknowledge that joining them was a sincere and well-intentioned gesture on my part, but in retrospect a foolish one.

Of all the Hungry Man dinners, fried chicken is my favorite

We should be grateful Larry King has too much time on his hands:

Tonight’s reading assignment

Wonkette reviews today’s hippest new mag (that’s shorthand for magazine), “The Conservative Teen”:

Although the Constitution vests legislative powers in Congress, the majority of “laws” today are promulgated in the form of “regulations” by bureaucrats (bureaucrat: a person of the government who does everything according to the rules of that government) who are mostly unaccountable and invisible to the public.

Note to the Heritage Foundation — if your “readers” don’t know the “definition” of bureaucrats they probably don’t know what promulgated means, either.

Simplifying the Trayvon Martin case

As always, a national story has been unnecessarily clouded by ideological bias. Once President Obama opined on the Trayvon Martin the right felt compelled to take a contrarian position, turning an unarmed teenager into a violent thug who got what he deserved. And George Zimmerman is now a freedom-loving protector of liberty trying to make the world a better place.

To quote Rick Santorum, “Bullshit!”

Whether or not Martin was a good kid or a bad kid, an angel or a thug, a normal teenager or a dangerous deviant, he had every right to walk in the streets of his soon-to-be-stepmother’s neighborhood without fear of being shot. A criminal record, a manner of dress, a height: none of these make the shooting of an unarmed, law-abiding teenager justified. And yet here we are, forced to defend Martin’s honor, as though if he had been a gangster there’d be nothing to say. As though the minute a black man is anything but a choir boy it’s okay to shoot him in the street.

Meanwhile

A police surveillance video taken the night that Trayvon Martin was shot dead shows no blood or bruises on George Zimmerman, the neighborhood watch captain who says he shot Martin after he was punched in the nose, knocked down and had his head slammed into the ground.

Why Tebow?

He’s not the first telegenic Christian quarterback. Remember Steve Bartkowski? There’s been plenty more since, and most were much more accomplished than Tim Tebow.

So why all the fuss? The guy is totally scripted and not a very good QB. I’m sure he’s a nice guy but really, why is everyone so invested in a back-up?

At least Bart could go deep.

Gallagher Too is a very happy man today

His brother, who was granted an injunction prohibiting Gallagher Too from smashing watermelons, has retired.

Ron Gallagher, now unemployed, was forced to pay Gallagher damages, a dick move that won’t come as a surprise to those of us who’ve had the misfortune of interviewing the famous prop comic (click first link for details).

The real dividers

President Obama has been criticized for rarely engaging the county on matters of race but, seeing the nasty reaction from GOP presidential candidates to his benign comments on the Trayvon Martin case, it’s easy to understand why he tends to abstain.

“Is the president suggesting if it had been a white who had been shot, that would be OK because it wouldn’t look like him?” Gingrich said Friday on Sean Hannity’s radio show. “That’s just nonsense. I mean, dividing this country up, it is a tragedy this young man was shot.”

In a separate radio interview Friday, Santorum had a similar reaction.

“What the president of the United States should do is try to bring people together, not use these types of horrible and tragic individual cases to try to drive a wedge in America,” Santorum said.

And they wonder why the GOP has trouble attracting black voters.

Racism doesn’t kill people — vigilantes with guns often do

Most people, knowing what’s known about the shooting of Trayvon Martin, would like to see George Zimmerman charged with something — me included. But it would be a miscarriage of justice if  Zimmerman was charged with a hate crime, as some experts speculate.

Racism, if Zimmerman is guilty of it, is not a crime. Pursuing an unarmed teen when law enforcement tells you not to, then shooting and killing him, is clearly illegal.

The overriding cultural issues brought to the forefront by Trayvon Martin’s slaying shouldn’t cloud simple matters of justice, nor should it obscure the larger problem that’s garnering scant attention.

We’re a nation of no gun laws. A state rep. from Woodstock has proposed House Bill 981, which would allow concealed weapons in:

Public schools and colleges;

Bars and restaurants;

Places of worship;

Polling places

Government buildings, including the state Capitol.

Meanwhile, a bill that would require four hours of training for anyone who gets a permit to carry a concealed weapon couldn’t even get a hearing in a committee.

While there appears to be nothing in George Zimmerman’s past that would’ve prevented him from carrying a weapon there were certainly warning signs.

Over the years, his scores of calls to police showed he pursued shoplifters and errant drivers with zeal, reporting pit bulls, potholes, children playing in the street, open garage doors and “suspicious” youths — usually black males — loitering in the street.

He peppered his calls with jargon familiar to police. In one case, he chased a reckless driver while calling 911 — the driver later told police he was terrified that Zimmerman was going to attack him. In another case, Zimmerman tailed a supermarket shoplifter until a police officer successfully arrested the thief.

Of course those warning signs were missed because the NRA won’t allow governments to regulate who is allowed access to deadly weapons. And few people seem inclined to challenge the gun nuts who, despite nearly uncontested influence, still claim to be under siege.

No Test Score Left Intact

A fairly remarkable piece of journalism by the AJC, which analyzed test results for 69,000 public schools and found “high concentrations of suspect math or reading scores in school systems from coast to coast.”

Suspicious test scores in roughly 200 school districts resemble those that entangled Atlanta in the biggest cheating scandal in American history, an investigation by The Atlanta Journal-Constitution shows. …

“These findings are concerning,” U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan said in an emailed statement after being briefed on the AJC’s analysis.

I won’t ask those who dismiss the relevance of daily newspapers to defend themselves.

Dare to not be offended

I know the right hates Bill Maher but real conservatives — the kind who, before they were Palinized into embracing perpetual indignation, railed against the hypersensitivity brought on by political correctness — should embrace his call for a National Day of No Outrage.

I don’t want to live in a country where no one ever says anything that offends anyone. That’s why we have Canada. That’s not us. If we sand down our rough edges and drain all the color, emotion and spontaneity out of our discourse, we’ll end up with political candidates who never say anything but the safest, blandest, emptiest, most unctuous focus-grouped platitudes and cant. In other words, we’ll get Mitt Romney.

And we’ll live in a country overrun by people like this:

to the sexist asshole at the liquor store:

No, I am NOT a woman; men can carry bags for their shit these days too. No, I will not leave my $400 bag with ipod, wallet, sunglasses, etc. behind the counter, because, if for NO OTHER REASON, women are allowed to carry their bags throughout the store; and therefore, so should I.

Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

Why test the victim for drugs but not his shooter?

Trayvon Martin was tested for drugs and alcohol, post-mortem. The man who shot him, Robert Zimmerman, was not.

[P]olice seemed to accept Zimmerman’s account at face value that night and that he was not tested for drugs or alcohol on the night of the shooting, even though it is standard procedure in most homicide investigations.

That should you tell you all you need to know about how Sanford, Fla. police mishandled this case from the beginning.

Someone buy this racist a dictionary

The owner of the company that produces the disquietingly popular anti-Obama bumper sticker — “Don’t Re-Nig in 2012” — denies any racist implication. Moreover, she claims some of her best friends are black. I’m sure they have the sticker on the back of their pick-ups.

Ms. Smith insisted that  the bumper sticker is not racist. I asked her about the “N” word, for which “nig” is the shortened version. “According to the dictionary [the N word] does not mean black. It means a low down, lazy, sorry, low down person. That’s what the N word means.”

The redneck dictionary, perhaps, but (incredibly trite cliche alert) Webster’s defines it as a “member of any dark skinned race. Taken to be offensive.”

Giving Ms. Smith the benefit of the doubt, I checked the definition of niggardly, a word that has nothing to do with race but is generally avoided due to its uncomfortably similar spelling.

nig·gard·ly

  http://sp.dictionary.com/dictstatic/d/g/speaker.swf [nig-erd-lee]

adjective

1.

reluctant to give or spend; stingy; miserly.
2.

meanly or ungenerously small or scanty: a niggardly tip to a waiter