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My interview with Gallagher

The Stranger has an entertaining piece on Gallagher the melon-smasher, now “a paranoid, delusional, right-wing religious maniac.”

I can vouch for the first two, having interviewed Leo Gallagher in 2000. Only Walter Payton was more difficult, repeatedly passing gas during our chat, lifting his leg for emphasis.

Back to Gallagher. He had just sued his brother — who performed virtually the same act at smaller, more rural venues — because audiences were beginning to think “Gallagher Too” was the real thing.

Leo Gallagher was hostile from the start, insulting my questions and insisting on knowing whether I was a fan. I did my best to change the subject but he wouldn’t relent. He then accused me of not “getting” his act, which he said was influenced by the copious amounts of weed he smoked.

Meanwhile, his brother Ron (Gallagher Too) told me he was the first to smash melons with a mallet. Gallagher copied him, he said. (Gallagher insisted the melon smashing was his idea.) Their father vouched for the brother with no money, which tells you something about Leo Gallagher. The courts sided with Leo, who was granted an injunction prohibiting Gallagher Too from performing his act. Ron Gallagher, now unemployed, was forced to pay his brother damages.

Leo apparently used that money to hire a new joke writer, David Duke.

Gallagher is upset about a lot of things. Young people with their sagging pants (in faintly coded racist terms, he explains that this is why the jails are overcrowded—because “their” baggy pants make it too hard for “them” to run from the cops). Tattoos: “That ink goes through to your soul—if you read your Bible, your body is a sacred temple, YOU DIPSHIT.” People naming their girl-children Sam and Toni instead of acceptable names like Evelyn and Betty: “Just give her some little lesbian tendencies!” Guantánamo Bay: “We weren’t even allowed to torture all the way. We had to half-torture—that’s nothin’ compared to what Saddam and his two sons OOFAY and GOOFAY did.” Lesbians: “There’s two types—the ugly ones and the pretty ones.” (Um, like all people?) Obama again: “If Obama was really black, he’d act like a black guy and get a white wife.” Michael Vick: “Poor Michael Vick.” Women’s lib: “These women told you they wanna be equal—they DON’T.” Trans people: “People like Cher’s daughter—figure that out. She wants a penis, but she has a big belly. If you can’t see your dick, you don’t get one.” The Rice Krispies elves: “All three of those guys are gay. Look at ’em!” The Mexicans: “Look around—see any Mexicans? Nope. They’ll be here later for the cleanup.” The French: “They ruin our language with their faggy words.”

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6 thoughts on “My interview with Gallagher Leave a comment

  1. Good Lord! Does this guy like anybody?
    Although I am in partial agreement with the tattoo statement. I am an old fogey who would never have one, but people have the right to pierce and tattoo to their heart’s content. If it’s offensive, I look away.

    I think the Hebrews consider tattooing to be a sacrilegious act, and one cannot be buried on sacred ground if their body is tattooed. Hitler’s tattooing numbers on them prior to exterminating them was an atrocity in itself.

  2. Ron AND Leo Gallagher are the roles a slimmed down Jack Black was born to play in a made for TV movie!

  3. Whether or not the smashed watermelons what either brother’s idea or whomever did it first is irrelevant. Why? because I did it first in my act 6 years before either of them, that’s why. The point is, Leo made it a signature part of his “job” as a comedian and made it an official “trademark.”

    I really feel for Ron but he took it too far by blurring the line which his older brother set as a condition of the act. A contract agreement was entered into by the both of then and Ron broke that contract.

    Whether or not either is a religious nut is another story. I cannot for one moment think he’s all that conservative when he deliberately lifts his leg to pass intergalactic gas during an interview, though, that might be a comedic act in and of itself…the pot thing, too, is a sign that he’s the complete opposite of conservative. Sounds to me that he just likes things his way and a few things just happen to side with conservatism.

    Anyway, good article. I would like to hear more on these two so-called comedians.

  4. scott: what, so conservatives don’t act like slobs farting during interviews? I suspect anyone who’s ever interviewed Rush Limbaugh would disagree. In fact I’ll bet if you took a poll of slobs who fart during interviews, an overwhelming majority of them would also espouse conservative views. As for the pot, that sort of hypocrisy is also a standard conservative trait; publically condemn drugs and ‘junkies’ while secretly feeding personal heavy narcotic addictions (again, see Rush Limbaugh for the poster boy of that sort of behavior)

  5. Gallagher (won) was actually pretty funny when he wasn’t doing the “Sledgomatic” bit.

    Back in the very early 80’s we had a Gallagher record, and it was funny as hell. (for the time.) We listened to it almost every day one summer while we played pool in the garage. I had it practically memorized. Plus there was a woman in the audience with an effed up laugh and she would still be laughing when everyone else was silent. So he started making fun of her as part of the show. I remember he said “I hope she doesn’t laugh like that in the bedroom. Well, it’s ok if you laugh…….just don’t point!” She sounded almost like a seal. I guess you had to be there. :-)

    He belongs in the comic hall of fame if for nothing else, all his props. I still want one of those adult sized “Big Wheels” he had built. I LOVED mine as a kid!! Though I’d prolly look silly as hell tooling around the neighborhood

    Ok….done shitting. STAY HARD LEO!!!

    Babyarm!

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