a malcontent exclusive

Conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh shocked onlookers today who watched him defecate in the middle of Times Square. Their disgust was compounded when Mr. Limbaugh wiped the refuse with his bare hand.

Liberal blogger Markos Moulitsas said the incident confirms that Mr. Limbaugh is “worse than Hitler.”

“This is a teachable moment,” Mr. Moulitsas contended.

Supporters of Mr. Limbaugh said critics missed the point.

“Liberals can’t defend their failed policies so when someone like Rush challenges them they respond with cheap ad hominem attacks,” said conservative blogger Michelle Malkin, herself a cheap ad hominem attack. Ms. Malkin claimed Mr. Limbaugh was protesting the health care reform act which some conservatives say contains a hidden tax on soft toilet paper: “Rush is trying to stop the government takeover of the toilet paper industry, and for that he should be applauded.”

Through a spokesman, Mr. Limbaugh said President Barack Obama is trying to silence him.

“The drive-by media won’t tell you that I’ve been under constant surveillance ever since the first Indo-Negro Muslim president took office,” Mr. Limbaugh said. “Today, after enjoying a double fried chicken burger at one of our fine American chain restaurants, the Hard Rock Cafe, Obama’s Chicago thugs sneaked a Cuban-produced laxative into my Roy Rogers, causing intolerable abdominal pain.”