i’d gladly give them baxley

Nearly one-third of Georgians who identify with the party of Lincoln say they favor secession from the U.S. Just a tad ironic.

Not that I’m opposed. Hell, I’d give them a majority of state property if they opted to leave peacefully (the rest of us would keep Atlanta, the mountains and the coast. New Georgia would get Waycross and Dublin. I’d even throw in Stone Mountain).

They could add Sarah Palin, W. and Sonny to the big rock if they wanted. Hell, they could re-elect Sonny and the do-nothing Republican legislature. No transportation issues to worry about in the new Georgia, certain to be the fishing capital of North America.

Plus, they could fly their favorite flag without fear of backlash.

Sounds like a win-win to me.

hampton’s homecoming

via Rowland’s Office

My titty hurts

My titty hurts

Oft-injured former Brave Mike Hampton said he was “saddened and confused” by the reaction he received from Braves fans Friday night at Turner Field.

“I gave my heart to this team, to the fans, to the city,” said Hampton, soaking in ice from the neck down. “No one works harder than me.”

Hampton pointed out that he flew from Houston to Atlanta at great risk to his health. “I could’ve caught the swine flu, but I wanted to come back to Turner Field. I thought the fans would be glad to see me,” he said.

The veteran southpaw doubts he’ll be able to make his next start. “The boos really hurt,” he said. “I might need to take some time off to get my mind right. Maybe a few weeks, a month, I don’t know.”

He asked Braves fans to put themselves in his shoes.

“You try pitching with a bruised nipple,” he said, indignant. Turning to his locker, Hampton stubbed his toe and fell to the floor, writhing in pain.

He’s listed in stable condition at Grady Memorial Hospital.

remembering my 7th boss

You never forget your first boss, but my 7th really stands out. He was an Iranian immigrant badly miscast in food services.

For most who worked at the Pine Isle resort on Lake Lanier in the summer of ’93, Reza was a terror. I was among the frightened during my first few weeks, but the intimidation waned the more Reza cursed. He knew the slang, and someone must’ve told him that profanity was an effective motivator — when properly used. Reza didn’t have a clue.

Ex: “The Chris, you fuck stupid!” Perhaps, but how would he know?

Fuck the Blauser!

Fuck the Blauser!

Reza eased up on me once he learned I was a big Braves fan. Let’s just say he watched the game with a critical eye, especially toward Jeff Blauser. “Goddamnit, the Blauser, why does Bobby Cox keep playing him fucking!”

Reza was at his most entertaining the day ATF agents stormed the Waco compound of Branch Davidian David Koresh. “Kill them all! Kill all those fucking mother sons of bastards!” I think it was the first time Reza felt like an American.

Not sure what became of him, though I suspect he’s either unemployed or on the verge of being fired. His job at Pine Isle was always in jeopardy, thanks to his politically incorrect views about women in the workplace. Whenever he’d feel the heat after some inappropriate remark to Brandy or Amber, Reza would bring his large family — a wife and at least four kids — to work.

“Ah, the Chris, meet my lovely wife and my beautiful children.”

I can’t help but root for him.