pummel your girlfriend, win an award


Nickelodeon says it has no plans to remove Chris Brown as a nominee for its annual Kids’ Choice Awards, despite the singer’s felony charges for allegedly beating up his girlfriend Rihanna. …

Nick says Brown was nominated for his work as a performer, and kids will decide who wins.

I hope he wins. Perhaps that’ll bring some attention to our society’s callous indifference towards battered women.

Oprah is right: If a man hits you once, he will hit you again.

good news delivered here

Inspired by Christopher Buckley, here’s some headlines I’d like to see:

Dustin Lance Black’s Oscar stolen

“That’s what he gets for toting it around with him to the clubs,” says West Hollywood cop

Adam Sandler deported to North Korea

Kim Jong-Il agrees to give up nuclear ambitions in exchange for American “comedian”

Newspapers stage dramatic recovery

Taking a laptop into the bathroom isn’t practical, readers conclude

Major studios in bidding war for “Tiny” 

Screenwriter’s demand: “Pay me more than Dustin Lance Black!”

I was Sean Hannity’s gay lover!

Long Island teen tells all about radio yakker’s sordid sex life

Economy stronger than ever

Bernake admits recession a hoax

Terrorist bomb interrupts “My Super Sweet 16” reunion special

No need to respond, says prez — “They gotta bomb something”

Braves sweep Red Sox in World Series

Phenom Tommy Hanson fans 16 in 13-0 win
Humiliated Red Sox fans chased from Turner Field

Peter Sellers returns from dead

Cites dearth of good film comedies, desire to work with “Tiny” screenwriter