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The Best of Sheldon Greenbriar

Remember me? I’m back from two weeks on the Pacific Princess cruise with the real “Love Boat” crew. As you know, being a Hollywood columnist can be exhausting — even on my break I’m working.

When I wasn’t chasing tail with Bernie Kopell, aka Doc, I took the opportunity to reflect on what really matters in life.

Some random thoughts:

  • Isn’t it about time they made a movie version of “Fantasy Island”? Antonio Banderas could play Mr. Roark, and troubled tot Verne Troyer could play Tattoo. Speaking of troubled, I knew Hervé Villechaize very well. He liked to fight, especially after half a pina colada. Alcohol is the curse of those people, you know.
  • Speaking of remakes, who wouldn’t want to see “Dawson’s Creek: The Movie”? It would be the perfect vehicle for the perfect couple, Tom and Katie. He could play Pacey.
  • Is racism to blame for Jackee’s lack of  work? I hope not, but a talent like that deserves to shine.
  • Margaret Cho is Japanese for Funny Lady.
  • The only tea party I care about is the one held at Rip Taylor‘s house each April.
  • What if “Kate and Allie” had met “My Two Dads?
  • Why do so many “That’s Incredible!” fans refuse to recognize “Real People,” and vice-versa? I loved ‘em both.
  • I loved Madame. Wayland Flowers, I could do without.
  • What was your favorite “Must-See TV” classic? “The Single Guy”? “Suddenly Susan”? “Caroline in the City”? I vote for “Veronica’s Closet.”
  • If Lee Majors is bionic, how come he’s hawking hearing aids? What’s next, Lindsay Wagner in a Rascal?
  • The Hager Twins had twice the talent of any other showbiz twins!
  • Blind item: Which former television personality, whose name rhymes with Sleeza, is still a bitch?



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