Month: June 2006

Al Gore does Iron Eyes Cody

So how geeky am I, celebrating my first day back to (relative) normacly by spending two hours with algore? Much has been written about the movie and the former vice president, and much of it is true. The Gore that leads viewers through “An Inconvenient Truth” is affable, sincere and not too preachy, totally unlike the man most of us remember as milquetoast, insincere and preachy. While the flick does venture into maudlin territory at times — I half expected to see Gore dressed up as ‘ol Iron Eyes from those 1970s anti-pollution commercials, with a solitary tear running down his cheek — and not surprisingly he’s at his best during the Power Point presentation which anchors the flick. The facts he lays out are virtually impossible to dispute. The former vice president’s movie — replete with the prospect of a flooded New York City, an inundated Florida, more and nastier hurricanes, worsening droughts, retreating glaciers and disappearing ice sheets — mostly got the science right, said all 19 climate scientists who had seen the …

Imagine if he had been driving a stick

I’ll admit, I once pondered the idea while driving across a particularly desolate part of Wyoming, but I showed restraint. Granted, I didn’t have a DVD player mounted on my dashboard — Minnesota Timberwolves center Eddie Griffin was drunk and masturbating when he crashed his luxury SUV into a parked Suburban outside a store in Minneapolis, according to a lawsuit filed Thursday by the man whose Suburban was hit in the crash. … Abed Hassuneh, who is the brother of the victim, said Griffin told him, “That he was masturbating himself going down that street. That’s how the accident happened because he was not paying attention. He’s paying attention to that video and all of a sudden he’s shoveled somebody’s car on the top of the sidewalk.”

Ungrateful bitch of the week

“A friend of mine had seen a TV report and e-mailed me, ‘I’m so sorry. I just heard your father died.’ And I was just in total shock.” –Tori Spelling, who goes on to prove she’s the spoiled-est of brats in an interview with Us Weekly. “My first thought was, I can’t believe my mom didn’t call me!” Not: “Oh God, my dad’s dead?” You know, the person 99 percent repsonsible (her fake breasts account for the remaining one percent) for your career!?! (Perhaps I should’ve issued a self-loathing alert, since Tori has lately catapulted into gay icon status. As usual, I wasn’t consulted.)

Noted and quoted

“You know, you almost got to be a homosexual to be recognized in the entertainment industry anymore.” –Noted cultural critic and gay baiter Jerry Falwell, from a recent sermon … One question: what does it mean to be “almost” a homosexual? Should Hollywood bisexuals feel empowered? Maybe if I had been “almost” homsexual instead of fully gay I would’ve made it in Tinsletown. Live and learn.

Betty Friedan is spinning in her grave

Casually observing Barbara Walters and Star Jones Reynolds discuss their break-up is as painful as television gets. With their hushed tones and oh-so-serious countenance, you would think they were negotiating with kidnappers. Ladies, please. No one cares about your foolish little morning chatfest (and if anyone does, may they never show their face in public). No one cares that the (formerly) fat black one has been fired by the old one, although if I were the dumb blond one I’d be watching my back. There ain’t no good guys. There ain’t no bad guys. There’s only two, very annoying, humorless chicks duking it out in a fight we can only hope ends in a bloody draw. Picking sides in this feud is like choosing between Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. I have no dogs — and I mean that literally — in these races.

Home cookin’

I’ve so enjoyed my mother’s beef vegetable soup (one of the fringe benefits of the finally dissipating vertigo), I thought I’d share it with you all. I know you’re not supposed to divulge family recipes, but that never made much sense to me. My moms should be proud of her sublime stew — Brown one large package of stewed beef in a small amount of oil, then cover with beef broth and water. Slice one large onion, add to broth. Bring to a boil and simmer one hour. Then add one carrot slicked thick and cabbage, sliced thin. Simmer 30 minutes. Add one package of frozen mixed vegetables, cook on medium heat for 30 minutes. Add one potato, cut into chunks, cook andadditional 15 minutes. Add one can of stewed tomatoes (cut up), one can of rotelle tomatoes and one can of V-8 juice. Simmer 15 minutes, then turn off and let sit 30 minutes before serving. You’re welcome. 


I’m confused. Earlier this month Britney Spears made a tearful plea for privacy in her televised interview with “newsman” Matt Lauer. Now she’s posing nude on the cover of Bazaar magazine (how original). Granted, it’s hard out there for a brain dead, knocked-up redneck.

Noted and quoted

“If he were to be tried and convicted of treason, yes, I would have no problem with him being sent to the gas chamber. It is about revealing classified secrets in the time of war. And the media has got to take responsibility for revealing classified information that is putting American lives at risk.” –San Francisco talk show host Melanie Morgan, going Coulter on New York Times editor Bill Keller for publishing an article detailing how the Bush administration monitors international bank transfers to track terrorist financing.

It’s only a movie

And, based on reviews and my own gut feeling, not a great one. But usually reliable New York Times film critic Manohla Dargis gives “Superman Returns” the messiah treatment in her overbaked review of a flick based on a comic book icon who wears tights – There’s always been a hint of Jesus (and Moses) to the character, from the omnipotence of his father to a costume that, with its swaths of red and blue, evokes the colors worn by the Virgin Mary in numerous Renaissance paintings. It’s a hint that proves impossible not to take. As for all the talk about Superman being gay, I’m not getting it. Besides, do we really need another queer superhero? Aren’t Batman and Robin enough?