It’s pronounced learnd

From The Learning Channel, which brought us the Sarah Palin reality show, comes this latest exercise in pointless tedium:

Watch Extreme Couponing: Midnight MadnessSunday, Jan. 29 @ 10/9c to see four couponers battle crowds to get the best savings on Black Friday.

Extreme Couponing follows savvy shoppers as they plan and plot their way to unbelievable savings.

Witness amazing shopping skills and shocking stockpiles of merchandise, as everyday people go to extremes in pursuit of extraordinary deals.

 America 2012.

Opportunistic igmo feuds with overbearing Brit (and the most revealing Piers Morgan quote ever)

Christine O’Donnell, the poor woman’s Sarah Palin, steals a page from her mentor’s playbook to propagate the year’s most irrelevant feud.

Both shameless panderers to attention for its own sake, Christine O’Donnell and Piers Morgan are clearly a match made in heaven. This morning, having slowly walked off Morgan’s CNN show two nights ago, O’Donnell was on the Today show to declare, “I wanted to stop the borderline sexual harassment that was going on.”

Obviously the only winners in this ImbrogliO’Donnell are the people who weren’t watching CNN’s biggest mistake.

And yet I can’t stop myself  from hating on the British Pat O’Brien. Last year, the 1 British “celebrity” who matters least composed a list of the 100 British celebs who matter most.

Of Jude Law, Morgan wrote, “we shared an afternoon of cricket together at Lord’s and he wasn’t any more smug or annoying than me.”

Dumb-ass Americans

Three more cheers for the American education system (via Shit My Students Write):

  • The rebel and onion armies showed grose negligence by having many of their battles right inside national parks, like Gettysburg.
  • Although I am my own person, my relationship with my girlfriend of two and a half years has lead to a significant change in almost every aspect of my life such as my behaviors, believes, values, personality, and even my appearance.

The party of Lincoln is now the party of Oliver Stone

Congratulations to the 47 percent of Republicans who, according to the latest CBS News/New York Times poll, believe Barack Obama was not born in America (only 32 percent think the president is legitimate):

You are now officially a conspiracy theorist, no longer burdened by rationality and facts. Better watch it, nefarious schemers, because a plurality of Republicans, guided by paranoia and mistrust, are on to you.

Bachmann follows Palin’s playbook

Surely she isn’t blaming the “liberal media” for her mistakes? Didn’t see that coming.

Clearly, the media only reported on Michele Bachmann saying the battle of Lexington and Concord was fought in New Hampshire, not Massachusetts, because they’re all out to get her. (A woman who regularly yaps about how the Founding Fathers would have totally agreed with her views can’t be expected to know any facts about them.) Bachmann defended herself on the Laura Ingraham Show, saying, “We all know there’s a double standard in the media …

If that doesn’t work, she’ll accuse the press of being sexist. Rest assured the victim card will be played.

Speaking of Republican dingbats, look who’s back:

A potential stumbling block to Coach Palin’s bid for world domination

Her daughter, teen mom Bristol Palin, will be appearing on “Dancing with the Stars,” as will one of the “Jersey Shore” dunderheads. I smell trouble (and too much hair product).

Knocking up a Palin would be a smart career move for “The Situation,” but it could put a crimp in the former governor’s presidential aspirations. Fingers crossed.

The secret of Judd Apatow’s success

Self-conscious dick jokes:

It is hard to read encomiums to Apatow without the sense that his champions are desperate to bear witness to a comic filmmaker who is both popular and worthy of their attention during an age of dreck. They strain to wring relevance out of Apatow’s pro-family message. (Who in America is against families and children?) They strain to argue for his place in a tradition. They use him as a cudgel against flawed filmmakers who are both smarter and more ambitious than he is. All the while they miss the simple moving force behind the gratuitous cameos, the accumulating in-jokes, the repeated casting of the director’s wife, children, and friends, and the constant carping about aging in Apatow’s films; they miss all the vanity. He is allowed this vanity because he delivers a message Americans crave to hear. As long as you behave yourself, take on a modicum of responsibility, and wear the yoke of commitment, it is entirely acceptable—even preferable and profitable—to be stupid.

The king of all social media

A broad familiarity with social media can get one far in journalism these days. The old guard is confused and scared, passively handing over the reins of power to anyone with a Twitter account. Enter CNN’s Rick Sanchez, today’s bus crash du jour.

“Have you seen this video from Johannesburg?” Rick inquired earlier today, introducing a story about racial tensions in South Africa. I eagerly tweeted, “No Rick, I haven’t.” “Well let me share it with you,” Rick responded. “Thanks Rick,” I repl-eeted.

Later, he touted his “reporter’s instinct,” teased a piece as “very impactful” and made some obviously canned self-deprecating remarks. See you on Facebook, Rick.

michele bachmann, in her own words

A commenter suggested that Michele Bachmann is “hated because she is effective.” I guess that makes her another of those conservative victims, a la Palin, Limbaugh and Hannity.

Let’s review the record:

On gay marriage: In support of a constitutional amendment she proposed to ban same-sex marriage, Bachmann said that the gay community was specifically targeting children and that “our children…are the prize for this community.”

On fiscal policy: She wrote that education laws passed by [a Republican] Congress in 2001, including “School To Work” and “Goals 2000″, created a new national school curriculum that embraced “a socialist, globalist worldview; loyalty to all government and not America.” In 2003, Bachmann said that the “Tax Free Zones” economic initiatives of Republican Governor Tim Pawlenty were based on the Marxist principle of “from each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs.”

On education: Bachmann supports the teaching of intelligent design in public school science classes. In October 2006, Bachmann told a debate audience in St. Cloud, Minnesota, that “there is a controversy among scientists about whether evolution is a fact or not…. There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design.”

On McCarthy-ism: When asked by Matthews “How many people in the Congress of the United States do you suspect as being anti-American?” she replied “What I would say is that the news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look. I wish they would. I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out, are they pro-America or anti-America? I think people would love to see an expose like that.”

On the census: In a June 17, 2009, interview with The Washington Times, Bachmann expressed concern that the questions on the 2010 United States Census had become “very intricate, very personal” and that ACORN, a community organizing group that had come under fire the previous year, might be part of the Census Bureau’s door-to-door information collection efforts. She stated, “I know for my family the only question we will be answering is how many people are in our home, we won’t be answering any information beyond that, because the Constitution doesn’t require any information beyond that.”

On light bulbs: Bachmann introduced the Light Bulb Freedom of Choice Act, to repeal the nationwide, government-mandated phase-out of conventional light bulbs in favor of compact fluorescent light bulbs. She argued that the government has no business telling consumers what kind of light bulbs they can buy.

what is it about conservatives and dim, self-pitying egomaniacs?

What a surprise — former Miss California Carrie Prejean stole the show at the Value Voters Summit this weekend.

Prior to choking up, Prejean explained how she knew her answer would jeopardize all the work she had put into preparing for the pageant.

She said, however, that she believes she was chosen for that moment.

“God chose me for that moment because he knew that not only would I be the one to stand up for him and for the truth, but because he knew I was strong enough to get through all the junk that I’ve been through,” said Prejean.

What exactly has this self-serving bleep been through?