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Tebow steals Jesus’ thunder

There’s something untoward about Tim Tebow’s much-hyped appearance at a Texas megachurch this Sunday.

Tebow is scheduled to address the Celebration Church in Georgetown, north of Austin. Church spokeswoman Tara Wall told The Associated Press that Tebow reached out to the church about a month ago and said he wanted to speak.

People attending the non-denominational service will sit on lawn chairs and blankets. Wall said Friday about 1,100 volunteers are involved in running the event on the church’s 110-acre grounds. …

Wall says Sunday’s service will be like “an outside concert event.”

Note to church: Sunday is Easter, where Christians celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, not the ascension of a middling quarterback.

For the record, I doubt Jesus would attend a church that owns 110 acres.

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Why Tebow?

He’s not the first telegenic Christian quarterback. Remember Steve Bartkowski? There’s been plenty more since, and most were much more accomplished than Tim Tebow.

So why all the fuss? The guy is totally scripted and not a very good QB. I’m sure he’s a nice guy but really, why is everyone so invested in a back-up?

At least Bart could go deep.

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Christianity’s biggest enemy? Christians

Today 33% of young people are religiously unaffiliated, as compared with 12% in the 1970s. In other words: Youth as such is not the only factor in making individuals flee the churches. What is more, this flight of the young is rapidly accelerating: In surveys conducted by the authors all “nones” grew by about 18% between 2006 and 2011, but young “nones” grew by about 90%–a truly remarkable difference.

The authors of “American Grace” place the blame on the religious right and it’s hard to argue. When I was kid in the 70s Jesus was viewed as a benevolent hippie, the subject of Broadway musicals and Doobie Brothers songs. Now he’s identified with the likes of Rick Santorum and Ralph Reed. The road from sandals and beads to sweater vests and all-you-can-eat buffets is one most young people would rather not travel.

To quote Max Van Sydow’s character in “Hannah and Her Sisters,”: “If Jesus came back and saw what’s going on in his name, he’d never stop throwing up.”

The Christian takeover of the GOP is nearly complete

Before you can join the Laurens County, S.C. Republican Party you must sign a pledge that includes the following provisions:

You must favor, and live up to, abstinence before marriage.

You must be faithful to your spouse. Your spouse cannot be a person of the same gender, and you are not allowed to favor any government action that would allow for civil unions of people of the same sex.

You cannot now, from the moment you sign this pledge, look at pornography.

(via Andisheh)

Cursed are the meek, for I will kick their ass

Many who identify as Christians these days seem to have trouble with Jesus. All this peace and love and humility crap really doesn’t fit with their Old Testament fetish.

Time to reconcile, mothafuckas!

No more cissy Kumbaya stuff. In this testosterone-fuelled theology, the Saviour finally has the rippling biceps he would have developed as a carpenter from a working-class home in Nazareth.

The macho Jesus movement has been bolstered by books like No More Mr Christian Nice Guy and The Church Impotent – the Feminisation of Christianity. But it’s artist Stephen Sawyer, whose paintings of the Son of God as a tattooed biker and boxer have captured the imagination of Christian men searching for a more manly role model.

As Kentucky-based Sawyer, 58, points out: “I scarcely think Jesus could have overturned the tables of the money-lenders and driven them from the temple if he was a wimp. The model I use for my paintings is a surfer guy who’s built like a brick shithouse.”

Leave behind some crappy jewelry

Rapturewear.com & Spirit and Truth Christian Jewelry Designs welcomes you to tour our lines of over 500 items. Find your favorite item and start personalizing your piece! Select your favorite Bible verse from our menu of over 200 choices… or personally list your favorite scripture as you will want it to appear! Select your favorite tag color! Select your favorite cording or chain… style and length! We will build the perfect piece to fit you body and soul!

(via Christian Nightmares)

What do evangelicals and gays have in common?

Movies geared toward their audiences typically suck, as Salon’s Andrew O’Hehir notes in his review of the new Christian-themed movie, “Soul Surfer”:

At the risk of offending many people in many different directions, Christian cinema reminds me of gay cinema. If, that is, gay cinema were permanently stuck in 1986, with a self-ghettoizing mandate to present positive role models for youth and tell an anodyne but uplifting story that sends a message of hope.

(via Andrew Sullivan)

With Troy McClure as the rich man AND Lazarus

“We’re here in Israel,” Ireland says into the camera during one recent promotional video shot on the Dead Sea, “because of our faith, our family, our loved ones, nonprofit work. And also, Israel is home to our brand partners E.L. Erman and Kathy Ireland Skin Care!” It’s unclear if she has won converts, but Kathy Ireland Worldwide claims $1.4 billion in annual sales.

Ireland is among a growing number of celebs not famous or notorious enough for “Dancing with the Has-Beens” but widely known nonetheless. The name Lisa Whelchel may not ring a bell, but if you’re 30 or older you’re probably familiar with Blair from “The Facts of Life.” Whelchel is now a best-selling author of a series of worship guides for busy mothers (and women who spend their nights picking up old men at the Chugalug bar).

At least she’s no longer acting. The “stars” of faith-based film include Lee Majors, Kristy Swanson, Gavin MacLeod, Kevin Sorbo and the Brando of cinema veritas, Kirk Cameron. Are we to believe Jesus is like Mexico, 10 years or so behind the cultural curve? And doesn’t a deity deserve better than Steve Austin and Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

I’m reminded of the Dennis Miller line: “No one ever finds Jesus on prom night.” Likewise, no one seems to find their way onto the J[esus]-List until their career has been reduced to hawking bionic hearing aids. Dontcha know Lee Majors Fawcett would tell the producers of “The Passion” prequel to find themselves another Joseph of Arimathea if the hot new reality series “Cooking with the 70s Superheroes” ever called.

I hear Elliott Gould is available.