Before you can join the Laurens County, S.C. Republican Party you must sign a pledge that includes the following provisions:
You must favor, and live up to, abstinence before marriage.
You must be faithful to your spouse. Your spouse cannot be a person of the same gender, and you are not allowed to favor any government action that would allow for civil unions of people of the same sex.
You cannot now, from the moment you sign this pledge, look at pornography.
Remember backward masking?
Jan Couch: religious broadcaster, Georgia native, classic caricature (her doctorate is an honorary one from Oral Roberts University)
Many who identify as Christians these days seem to have trouble with Jesus. All this peace and love and humility crap really doesn’t fit with their Old Testament fetish.
Time to reconcile, mothafuckas!
No more cissy Kumbaya stuff. In this testosterone-fuelled theology, the Saviour finally has the rippling biceps he would have developed as a carpenter from a working-class home in Nazareth.
The macho Jesus movement has been bolstered by books like No More Mr Christian Nice Guy and The Church Impotent – the Feminisation of Christianity. But it’s artist Stephen Sawyer, whose paintings of the Son of God as a tattooed biker and boxer have captured the imagination of Christian men searching for a more manly role model.
As Kentucky-based Sawyer, 58, points out: “I scarcely think Jesus could have overturned the tables of the money-lenders and driven them from the temple if he was a wimp. The model I use for my paintings is a surfer guy who’s built like a brick shithouse.”
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(via Christian Nightmares)
Movies geared toward their audiences typically suck, as Salon’s Andrew O’Hehir notes in his review of the new Christian-themed movie, “Soul Surfer”:
At the risk of offending many people in many different directions, Christian cinema reminds me of gay cinema. If, that is, gay cinema were permanently stuck in 1986, with a self-ghettoizing mandate to present positive role models for youth and tell an anodyne but uplifting story that sends a message of hope.
(via Andrew Sullivan)
“We’re here in Israel,” Ireland says into the camera during one recent promotional video shot on the Dead Sea, “because of our faith, our family, our loved ones, nonprofit work. And also, Israel is home to our brand partners E.L. Erman and Kathy Ireland Skin Care!” It’s unclear if she has won converts, but Kathy Ireland Worldwide claims $1.4 billion in annual sales.
Ireland is among a growing number of celebs not famous or notorious enough for “Dancing with the Has-Beens” but widely known nonetheless. The name Lisa Whelchel may not ring a bell, but if you’re 30 or older you’re probably familiar with Blair from “The Facts of Life.” Whelchel is now a best-selling author of a series of worship guides for busy mothers (and women who spend their nights picking up old men at the Chugalug bar).
At least she’s no longer acting. The “stars” of faith-based film include Lee Majors, Kristy Swanson, Gavin MacLeod, Kevin Sorbo and the Brando of cinema veritas, Kirk Cameron. Are we to believe Jesus is like Mexico, 10 years or so behind the cultural curve? And doesn’t a deity deserve better than Steve Austin and Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I’m reminded of the Dennis Miller line: “No one ever finds Jesus on prom night.” Likewise, no one seems to find their way onto the J[esus]-List until their career has been reduced to hawking bionic hearing aids. Dontcha know Lee Majors Fawcett would tell the producers of “The Passion” prequel to find themselves another Joseph of Arimathea if the hot new reality series “Cooking with the 70s Superheroes” ever called.
I hear Elliott Gould is available.