Pass the Viagra
Days Inn musings, or things I learned watching Larry King:
- Hef ain’t such a cool cat after all. Coreys Haim and Feldman attended his Super Bowl Party. Dick Van Patten watched the Oscars at the Playboy Mansion. “Guess who I saw in the grotto? Bruce Boxleitner!”
- Don’t you know Corey Feldman will milk the hell out of the other one’s death? And how does he afford a personal assistant? (If that was your job, would you admit it? “So what do you do? I’m a Wal-Mart greeter.”
- Does starring with Corey Feldman in a sequel to “License to Drive” qualify as a comeback?
- What’s the over/under we’ll hear this before week’s end: “Coming up, a one-on-one with Ryan O’Neal, speaking out for the first time about the Oscars snub of his beloved Farrah.” Corey Feldman won’t be the only has-been squeezing the teet!
*What SEO means
Joe the Media-Created Sensation speaks out against gay marriage (italics added for emphasis):
People don’t understand the dictionary–it’s called queer. Queer means strange and unusual. It’s not like a slur, like you would call a white person a honky or something like that. You know, God is pretty explicit in what we’re supposed to do–what man and woman are for. Now, at the same time, we’re supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins. I’ve had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my children.
Joe’s Gay Friend: Hey Joe, why didn’t you invite me to your party?
Joe: Because my kids will be there. You think I’m gonna let a queer anywhere near Joe Jr.?
Joe’s Gay Friend: Understood. Still going bowling Tuesday?
Joe: You think I’m gonna go bowling with some queer?
First it was Sarah Palin. Now it’s Miss California’s turn.
Nothing good will come from this. Perez Hilton will receive more attention. The conservatives will tout yet another “victim.” And we’ll still have a Miss USA Pageant. This excerpt says it all:
Miss California’s answer sparked a shouting match in the lobby after the show.
“It’s ugly,” said Scott Ihrig, a gay man, who attended the pageant with his partner. “I think it’s ridiculous that she got first runner-up. That is not the value of 95 percent of the people in this audience. Look around this audience and tell me how many gay men there are.”
Charmaine Koonce, the mother of Miss New Mexico USA Bianca Matamoros-Koonce, argued back.
“In the Bible it says marriage is between Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!”
Please kill me.
In case you wondered where the party was Friday night:
Joe (the Plumber) was all hot and bothered over the standing ovation he received as he walked on stage to accept accolades from the top liberal media watchdog. Lee Greenwood’s GOP country classic “God Bless the USA” boomed overhead as Joe, wearing blue jeans, a black t-shirt and a flannel shirt unbuttoned to his navel, strolled on stage.
After declaring he was horny, Joe mumbled a few other things about being the “token redneck” and the media loving him, and then sat back down in a sea of conservative luminaries that included G. Gordon Liddy, former Attorney General Ed Meese, radio talk show host Mark Levin, Fox News’ Brit Hume and former House speaker (for half a minute) Bob Livingston.
If only Joe the Plumber knew how to fade from the spotlight.
The annoying has-been will be talking strategy with conservative House members on Wednesday.
Are Republicans determined to insult everyone’s intelligence?
Joe the Shameless Opportunist refuses to fade away.
The Ohio man who became a household name during the presidential campaign says he is heading to Israel as a war correspondent for the conservative Web site pjtv.com.
He tells WNWO-TV in Toledo that he wants to let Israel’s “‘Average Joes’ share their story.”
Memo to that plumber dude: It’s 15 minutes, not months (or, God forbid, years). Now the opportunist is “appalled” at the man who made him a star.
“When I was on the bus with him, I asked him a lot of questions about the bailout because most Americans did not want that to happen,” Wurzelbacher told Beck. “I asked him some pretty direct questions,” he continued. “Some of the answers…they appalled me, absolutely. I was angry.
“In fact, I wanted to get off the bus after I talked to him.”
Joe has no such problems with fellow ingrate Sarah Palin; Wurzelbacher praised Palin as “absolutely the real deal.”
He plans to start blogging soon, but you’ll have to pay to read it. Joe has also “written” a forthcoming book, “Fighting for the American Dream.”
I wish I had a son just so I could name him Joe.