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Adam Sandler gets the review he deserves

The Times’ A.O. Scott unloads.

Because life is short and I have other things to be upset about, I will not dwell on the offensive aspects of “Blended,” the new Adam Sandler comedy: its retrograde gender politics; its delight in the humiliation of children; its sentimental hypocrisy about male behavior; its quasi-zoological depiction of Africans as servile, dancing, drum-playing simpletons; its … I’m sorry. That’s just what I said I wouldn’t do.

Most of “Blended” has the look and pacing of a three-camera sitcom filmed by a bunch of eighth graders and conceived by their less bright classmates. Shots don’t match. Jokes misfire. Gags that are visible from a mile away fail to deliver. Two rhinos are seen copulating by the side of a swimming pool, and someone has the wit to say, “That’s not something you see in New Jersey.” Not funny on so many levels.

There are comedians who mine their own insecurities for material. Mr. Sandler, in his recent films, compensates for his by building monuments to his own ego. In “Blended,” he once again proclaims himself both über-doofus and ultimate mensch, disguising his tireless bullying in childish voices and the ironclad alibis of fatherhood and grief.

New Yorker critic Richard Brody calls it “a failure for the ages” then goes on to say he’s a “big fan” of Sandler, who delivers an “excellent” performance.

So from now on when it comes to reviews, Brody = Larry King.

“The Pink Panther” – Flat out hilarious. Steve Martin is incredible. Somewhere Peter Sellers is laughing out loud.

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LA Weekly publishes absurd Tom Cruise propaganda

I should have stopped at the headline.

How YouTube and Internet Journalism Destroyed Tom Cruise, Our Last Real Movie Star

The author off the piece, LA Weekly film critic Amy Nicholson, spends considerable time breaking down Cruise’s infamous couch jump on “Oprah.”

The distinction between standing and jumping is small but significant. We imagine Cruise bouncing on the couch — we can even picture it — because the Internet convinced us it happened. The echoing blogosphere screaming “Kills!” and “Jumps!” rewrote over what little of the actual episode people saw.

As if that’s why people think Cruise is nuts. Never mind the zombification of Katie Holmes.

Or this:

And don’t forget this:

Tom Cruise is the frontman of a dangerous cult. He destroyed himself, and that’s a good thing.

If only we could destroy the cult of celebrity worship exhibited by the moronic lickspittle responsible for this shameless spin job. By pure coincidence, Nicholson has written a book about Cruise set to be published in July.

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GA GOP Senate candidates, in less than 35 words

Phil “Pornstache” Gingrey: “God hates teen fags and the people who support them.” 

Karen Handel: “I was too busy supporting my family to even ponder teenage homosexuality.” 

David Perdue: “I mistook far right for center right. Or center right for far right. But make no mistake, I’m not not far right and I didn’t not graduate from college.”

Jack Kingston: “Aw, shucks, I may beat my kids whenever they open a Diet Coke, but I talk like Matlock’s inbred nephew, drive a station wagon and Sean Hannity likes me.” 

Paul Broun: The only new law that I would like to see is one that makes English the official language of America and Spanish the official language of the pits of hell.”

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The Georgia Senate race is as lowbrow as you’d expect

Vote for Paul “Pits of Hell” Broun — he’ll get things done in Washington.

The only new law that I would like to see is one that makes English the official language of America.

Vote for Phil “Magnum” Gingrey — he won’t let your teen turn gay.

Will we condone Karen Handel’s vote for YouthPride that promotes teenage homosexuality?

Will Georgians condone a senator who wants to turn us into Alabama?

Probably.