If I ever get the chance to ask a question in a presidential debate, it would be this:
Do you prefer Coke or Pepsi? (Charcoal or propane? Chinese food or Mexican? Dogs or cats? … )
Such inane queries would actually reveal plenty, as you can bet certain candidates (usually those leading in the polls) would demur, deflect, triangulate … whatever necessary to avoid offending a particular cola constituency, or, say, cashiers who work at Panda Express. They don’t think very much of the American voter (and perhaps they shouldn’t).
Gov. Romney, I know you’re a family man, so I’m guessing you know your way around a BBQ grill. Do you prefer charcoal or propane?
Romneytron (insincere chuckle): Well you can’t go wrong with a piece of USDA prime American meat, raised and fed by American workers right here at home, and I will fight for those workers, because I used to lay off people just like them, so I know exactly what they’re going through. I know how to turn this economy around, just like I turned around the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City. I promise you that if I’m elected we will have unlimited surpluses, lower taxes and we’ll spend all the money necessary to help ensure my re-election in 2012.
Sir, with all due respect you didn’t answer my question. We all have a preference. I’m a charcoal guy, how ’bout you?
Romneytron: I enjoy that rich charcoal flavor, particularly if the briquettes are made in America.
You prefer charcoal then?
Romneytron: Now I didn’t say that. I also enjoy clean-burning propane. Taste the meat, not the heat, right? (insincere chuckle)
So you’re a propane man?
Romneytron: That’s a complete mischaracterization of my position. Look, I’m an outsider. I want to change Washington. I want to bring America together. Golly, I love this country. And one of the things I love most is that we are a nation that accepts people whether they prefer grilling with charcoal or propane. You think radical Islam let’s people make those kind of choices? My position is clear.
But governor …
Romneytron: Jeepers aren’t we all tired of this kind of gotcha politics? (inexplicable applause) And let me say this: John McCain supports amnesty, America is the greatest country ever, Ronald Reagan, I saved the Olympics, amnesty, change, God and Reagan.