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The Grand Old Tea Party

The roster of speakers at this weekend’s Republican Leadership Conference makes it clear who’s winning the battle for the heart of the GOP.

Phil Robertson, patriarch of the Robertson family and star of the series “Duck Dynasty,” will address the 2014 Republican Leadership Conference, Thursday May 29th at 6pm. Also speaking on Thursday evening are RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, Gov. Bobby Jindal, Sen. Ron Johnson and Ben Sasse.
Other Speakers at the 2014 Republican Leadership Conference include Governor Rick Perry, Governor Phil Bryant, US Senators Ted Cruz, Mike Lee, & David Vitter; Donald Trump, Newt Gingrich, Herman Cain, Rick Santorum, Michele Bachmann and Allen West

No Ted Nugent?

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#CultOfVictimhood

Hashtaggery has become just another outlet for America’s cult of victimhood. #YesAllWomen is just the latest response to the shootings at UCSB, .

I say this not as someone who believes racism and sexism have been eradicated, but rather as a non-acronymed individual who tries to maintain some context.

I’m gay, and was once assaulted because of it. It happened a dozen years ago, and I’ve moved on, thankful that I’m not, for example, a gay Iranian.

You gotta wonder what the women of Afghanistan would think about portions of the #YesAllWomen thread:

“Here’s to never hearing a dude tell a woman to ‘smile’ ever again”; “If I don’t feign an interest in what the too-friendly grocery clerk is telling me, everyone in line will judge me”; and, my personal favorite: “When I asked for Happy Meal and didn’t specify a gender, they gave me ‘boy’ toys. Male is the default.”

And of course there’s the obligatory Lena Dunham tweet complimenting herself and her acolytes for being “brave,” as if they risked retribution by typing 140 characters or less.

“I love my web friends an especially lot this weekend. You give me great hope in an often dark and unsparing world,” said the actress who recently received a $3.7 million advance for her first book.

I’m reminded of this exchange between Svetlana, the one-legged Russian from “The Sopranos,” and Tony:

‘That’s the trouble with you Americans. You expect nothing bad ever to happen. … You have too much time to think about yourselves.” #Truth

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Joe the Asshole

When last we heard from conservative folk hero Joe the Plumber, he was advocating the need for a white Republican president.

In his latest bromide, Joe the Amateur Nihilist — mimicking what Gawker correctly identifies as the right’s move toward “antipathy for anything but the self” — sounds off on the sacrosanct Second Amendment in the wake of the UCSB shootings. 

I am sorry you lost your child. I myself have a son and daughter and the one thing I never want to go through, is what you are going through now. But:

As harsh as this sounds – your dead kids don’t trump my Constitutional rights.

Richard Martinez, whose son (Christopher) was among the murdered, choked back tears at a news conference, blaming politicians the next day: “The talk about gun rights. What about Chris’ right to live?” Martinez said – and much more…

But the words and images of Mr. Martinez blaming “the proliferation of guns”, lobbyists, politicians, etc.; will be exploited by gun-grab extremists as are all tragedies involving gun violence and the mentally ill by the anti-Second Amendment Left…

We still have the Right to Bear Arms and I intend to continue to speak out for that right, and against those who would restrict it – even in the face of this horrible incident by this sad and insane individual. I almost said “Obama Voter” but I’m waiting for it to be official…

In conclusion, I cannot begin to imagine the pain you are going through, having had your child taken away from you. However, any feelings you have toward my rights being taken away from me, lose those.

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Paul Broun’s replacement may actually be stupider

The good news: Paul Broun, who lost in his bid for the GOP nomination for the U.S. Senate, won’t be returning to Congress.

The bad news: His potential replacement, Jody Hice, is Broun on steroids.

In a 2012 book, that candidate (Hice) alleges the gay community has a secret plot to recruit and sodomize children. In It’s Now or Never: A Call to Reclaim America, Hice also asserts that supporters of abortion rights are worse than Hitler and compares gay relationships to bestiality and incest. He proposes that Muslims be stripped of their First Amendment rights

As proof that gays prey on children, Hice quotes from a 1987 column by queer writer Michael Swift.

We shall sodomize your sons, emblems of your feeble masculinity, of your shallow dreams and vulgar lies. We shall seduce them in your schools, in your dormitories, in your gymnasiums, in your locker rooms, in your sports arenas, in your seminaries, in your youth groups, in your movie theater bathrooms, in your army bunkhouses, in your truck stops, in your all male clubs, in your houses of Congress, wherever men are with men together. Your sons shall become our minions and do our bidding. They will be recast in our image. They will come to crave and adore us.

Hice omitted one crucial sentence — the first, which notes the column is a satire.

So Hice is a liar, homophobe and religious bigot.

That should be enough to get him elected by the fanatics in Georgia’s 10th District.

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Adam Sandler gets the review he deserves

The Times’ A.O. Scott unloads.

Because life is short and I have other things to be upset about, I will not dwell on the offensive aspects of “Blended,” the new Adam Sandler comedy: its retrograde gender politics; its delight in the humiliation of children; its sentimental hypocrisy about male behavior; its quasi-zoological depiction of Africans as servile, dancing, drum-playing simpletons; its … I’m sorry. That’s just what I said I wouldn’t do.

Most of “Blended” has the look and pacing of a three-camera sitcom filmed by a bunch of eighth graders and conceived by their less bright classmates. Shots don’t match. Jokes misfire. Gags that are visible from a mile away fail to deliver. Two rhinos are seen copulating by the side of a swimming pool, and someone has the wit to say, “That’s not something you see in New Jersey.” Not funny on so many levels.

There are comedians who mine their own insecurities for material. Mr. Sandler, in his recent films, compensates for his by building monuments to his own ego. In “Blended,” he once again proclaims himself both über-doofus and ultimate mensch, disguising his tireless bullying in childish voices and the ironclad alibis of fatherhood and grief.

New Yorker critic Richard Brody calls it “a failure for the ages” then goes on to say he’s a “big fan” of Sandler, who delivers an “excellent” performance.

So from now on when it comes to reviews, Brody = Larry King.

“The Pink Panther” – Flat out hilarious. Steve Martin is incredible. Somewhere Peter Sellers is laughing out loud.

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LA Weekly publishes absurd Tom Cruise propaganda

I should have stopped at the headline.

How YouTube and Internet Journalism Destroyed Tom Cruise, Our Last Real Movie Star

The author off the piece, LA Weekly film critic Amy Nicholson, spends considerable time breaking down Cruise’s infamous couch jump on “Oprah.”

The distinction between standing and jumping is small but significant. We imagine Cruise bouncing on the couch — we can even picture it — because the Internet convinced us it happened. The echoing blogosphere screaming “Kills!” and “Jumps!” rewrote over what little of the actual episode people saw.

As if that’s why people think Cruise is nuts. Never mind the zombification of Katie Holmes.

Or this:

And don’t forget this:

Tom Cruise is the frontman of a dangerous cult. He destroyed himself, and that’s a good thing.

If only we could destroy the cult of celebrity worship exhibited by the moronic lickspittle responsible for this shameless spin job. By pure coincidence, Nicholson has written a book about Cruise set to be published in July.

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GA GOP Senate candidates, in less than 35 words

Phil “Pornstache” Gingrey: “God hates teen fags and the people who support them.” 

Karen Handel: “I was too busy supporting my family to even ponder teenage homosexuality.” 

David Perdue: “I mistook far right for center right. Or center right for far right. But make no mistake, I’m not not far right and I didn’t not graduate from college.”

Jack Kingston: “Aw, shucks, I may beat my kids whenever they open a Diet Coke, but I talk like Matlock’s inbred nephew, drive a station wagon and Sean Hannity likes me.” 

Paul Broun: The only new law that I would like to see is one that makes English the official language of America and Spanish the official language of the pits of hell.”