Lie of the week

As reported by Drudge, Michelle Malkin and other right-wing bloggers, Obama demanded the removal of an American flag from Ground Zero

Of course he didn’t.

Now playing at the Hell Cineplex

Tom Shadyac, the hack director of “Ace Ventura” and “Bruce Almighty,” embraces “New Age platitudes and questionable science” in a documentary about his search for meaning. Never trust a guy with a Kenny G ‘do.

There’s a scene at a scientific institute where the filmmaker is seated in front of a plate of yogurt that’s connected to a meter. We’re told that changes in the readings — I’m not making this up — show that the yogurt is detecting his emotions. I’d like to think Shadyac is winking at the audience here, but, sad to say, I’m not certain.

No shit, Spurlock

Morgan Spurlock’s debut film, “Super Size Me,” demonstrated how eating at McDonald’s every day is bad for your health. Who knew?  His latest, “The Greatest Movie Ever Sold,” chronicles the rise of product placement in TV and movies some 20 years after it began.

Can’t wait for his next movie, “Terrorists are Dangerous.”

Related articles

• The Greatest Movie Ever Sold isn’t the greatest ever made (theglobeandmail.com)

Sarah Palin is a moron (cont’d)

Yeah, nothing dissuades wannabe martyrs quite like death.

Dumb-ass Americans

Three more cheers for the American education system (via Shit My Students Write):

• The rebel and onion armies showed grose negligence by having many of their battles right inside national parks, like Gettysburg.
• Although I am my own person, my relationship with my girlfriend of two and a half years has lead to a significant change in almost every aspect of my life such as my behaviors, believes, values, personality, and even my appearance.

Speaking of people I don’t want to have dinner with …

John Rocker, a titanic asshole without peer, is writing his biography (self-published).

Pimping his upcoming tome in Atlanta magazine, Rocker says he rarely speaks with reporters, adding, “I’ve sworn off doing print interviews.” Jeff Schultz quips, “In Rocker’s world, I guess this means a magazine doesn’t qualify as print.”

Like most blowhards, it appears Rocker is still playing the victim. He is responsible for one of the most objectionable quotes ever, and it’s not the one you think.

“I’ve taken a lot of crap from a lot of people,” the left-handed relief pitcher told ESPN.com in 2005. “Probably more than anybody in the history of the sport. … I know Hank [Aaron] and Jackie [Robinson] took a good deal of crap, but I guarantee it wasn’t for six years. I just keep thinking: How much am I supposed to take?”

Related articles

• John Rocker is going to publish a memoir (hardballtalk.nbcsports.com)

Worst Mother’s Day present ever