A year in the life of the world’s most self-abored tween

Describing himself as a pop icon and “soldier for culture,” West told the crowd “there were times that I contemplated suicide.” However, he said, “I will not give up on life again.”

“There’s so many people that will never get the chance to have their voice heard” as loudly as his, West said Monday. “I do it for them.”

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**I’ve always been at the mercy of the press, but no more… The media tried to demonize me. They wanted y’all to believe I was a monster in real life so you guys wouldn’t listen or buy my music anymore. I feel like they were waiting for the opportunity to go in all the way on me, and when it came, they beat me to a pulp. Even now a lot of articles start their first two paragraphs about how much of an asshole I am.

Sheldon Greenbriar’s Holiday Blurbomat (bonus edition)

Some fresh dish ‘n ‘dat, my Winter Solstice gift to you:

  • Billy Zabka is nothing like the preppy villains he portrayed on-screen. A true gentleman, just like the late C. Thomas Howell.
  • Can someone explain to me why Matt LeBlanc is not a movie star?
  • I’m pitching a new reality show: Sheldon Greenbriar’s Burbank. Thanks for the inspiration, Gov. Palin.
  • Speaking of inspiring, Paula Poundstone‘s new one-woman show will make you laugh, cry and think.
  • I’m told Pat O’Brien is drinking again. You didn’t hear that from me.
  • I wish I could meet the Fockers every holiday season. Finally, a role worthy of Robert DeNiro’s talents.
  • My sources tell me Michael McDonald is busy recording a CD of prog rock covers. Can’t wait.
  • A challenge for Mr. Buggles. If video killed the radio star, what killed the video star? I suspect the information superhighway.

Well, I best return to my banana flambe. Merry X-mas, and to my Jewish friends, Happy Kwanzaa!