Breathe deep the gathering gloom

Indulge this celebration of the 40th anniversary of my good friend Cathy’s birth. She’s been my staunchest supporter, in good times and bad.

I could go on with the platitudes, but here’s what I like best about Cathy. Despite owning and operating a successful start-up (which she built without any deep-pocketed benefactors, family connections or academic pedigree), she’s not above claiming this anecdote from our college years:

Having shared a fascination with the tacky pirate decor of Long John Silver’s, Cathy soon discovered a talent for aaarghing — bellowing, guttural aaarghs, the kind that could silence a crowded auditorium. Eager to exploit this breathtaking skill, I would often chauffeur Cathy down sorority row, searching for unsuspecting targets, usually a jogging Stepford sister. We’d approach slowly, turning on the tape recorder just in time for Cathy to deliver a perfectly timed (in all caps, with multiple exclamation points) “AAARGH!!!” One of her victims actually fell off her bike. We would’ve shown some concern had we not been laughing so hard.

I’ll respect the tea party when they stop respecting idiots

When your movement is instrumental in securing nominations for the likes of Sharron Angle and, perhaps, Christine O’Donnell (the “o” is not for orgasm, read below), I know all I need to know.

This from the conservative Weekly Standard:

Citing “Mental Anguish,” Christine O’Donnell Sought $6.9 Million in Gender Discrimination Lawsuit Against Conservative Group

…and falsely implied she was taking master’s degree classes at Princeton.

O’Donnell also claims she’s been stalked by opponents.

“They’re following me,” she told the Weekly Standard. “They follow me home at night. I make sure that I come back to the townhouse and then we have our team come out and check all the bushes and check all the cars to make sure that — they follow me.” She also claims her home and campaign office were vandalized during her 2008 senate campaign. Unfortunately for her, she never told police about any of the incidents.

The anti-masturbation crusader has implied that her moderate opponent, Mike Castle, is gay. Naturally she’s been endorsed by the patron saint of the Tea Party, self-pitying Sarah Palin, who says, “I can relate to the vicious personal attacks on Christine.” Ah, another victim.

While O’Donnell has a decent shot of winning the GOP nomination, she’ll never win over moderates in a reliably blue state like Delaware.

Related Articles

• Tea Party candidate says, “Masturbation is the same as adultery!” (dvorak.org)
• Sarah Palin Endorses Christine O’Donnell For Delaware Senate (huffingtonpost.com)

Will young voters send an ethically challenged ‘birther’ to the governor’s office?

SurveyUSA gives Nathan Deal an 11 percent lead over Roy Barnes in its latest poll. Only 30 percent of voters 18-34 say they will vote for the former governor, with 49 percent opting for Nathan “Crooked” Deal.

Libertarian candidate John Monds did surprisingly well, receiving 21 percent of the 18-34 vote and 9 percent overall.

Related Articles

• Why a Federal Grand Jury Could Put Georgia’s Governor’s Mansion in Democrat Hands (redstate.com)
• Georgia Republicans Nominate Birther For Governor (outsidethebeltway.com)

Code words du jour

While Gingrich remains closeted, her sister Candace is openly lesbian

Newt Gingrich, the John Edwards of the right, continues his calculated descent into Beckdom:

“What if [Obama] is so outside our comprehension, that only if you understand Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior, can you begin to piece together [his actions]?” Gingrich asks. “That is the most accurate, predictive model for his behavior.”

So is the Republican Party endorsing colonialism now? And how exactly do Kenyans behave, Newt? Since the whole hypothesis is meaningless, what exactly does Gingrich mean?

Related Articles

• Newt Gingrich: Obama’s ‘Kenyan, Anti-Colonial’ Worldview Rules America (politicsdaily.com)

Just another weekend in Atlanta sports

The tradition continues:

The Falcons lost 15-9 in overtime in Pittsburgh, Georgia fell 17-6 at South Carolina, Georgia Tech was upset 28-25 at Kansas, Georgia State fell 23-14 to Lambuth at the Georgia Dome and Clark Atlanta lost 28-13 at Albany State.

Sunday, Georgia and Georgia Tech fell out of the Top 25. Sunday night brought even more losing.

The Braves fell out of first place with a 7-3 home defeat, settling for a split of their four-game series with the Cardinals. The Dream lost 79-77 at Seattle in the WNBA Finals opener.

Anyone else remember that poster of a lone groundskeeper snoozing in the Fulco dugout: “Atlanta Sports: Catch the Fever”?

Feel the mall

“Immersive retail” is the marketing phrase du jour for outfitters, and no chain is as committed to the concept as Hollister — one more reason to avoid the mall:

Topless men and girls without pants stand at the entrance, some wearing zinc oxide smeared across noses. The employees are selected for their insane good looks and friendliness, which creates the disorienting customer experience of receiving attention from people way out of your league over and over again. You can’t avoid having a sexual experience at Hollister, even if it’s just to stare at a greeter’s bullet-hard nipples. Hollister’s strategy may not be subtle, but it is clever. By literalizing the mall’s sexual promise in actual naked flesh, the brand makes it unnecessary for shoppers to wander elsewhere. Rather than provide the neutral spaces of food courts and lobbies for promenading, the store offers a prefab (and make-believe) environment of sexual opportunity. It’s the whole mall in one store!

Which reminds me of this fantastic parody from Spike Lee’s “Bamboozled”: