the irrelevance of modern conservatism

I don’t root for it, by the way. I’d rather the right be relevant, but that won’t happen as long as its major influences are a callous, hypocritical blowhard, a messianic Mormon, an unrepentant nihilist and Sarah Palin.

By a wide margin, Americans consider Rush Limbaugh the nation’s most influential conservative voice.

Those are the results of a poll conducted by “60 Minutes” and Vanity Fair magazine and issued Sunday. The radio host was picked by 26 percent of those who responded, followed by Fox News Channel’s Glenn Beck at 11 percent. Actual politicians – former Vice President Dick Cheney and former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin – were the choice of 10 percent each.


If I have my way this song will figure prominently within the script I’m currently co-writing.

INT. Dark, dank living room. John Milch Sr. and his son-in-law, Elton Bonner, watch television in silence. Probably because the volume on the TV is so loud — though not loud enough to overwhelm the din of Milch’s Pollenex air filter.

The camera zooms in on the oversized, 80s-era TV, showing a Craig Stadler (Milch Sr.’s favorite golfer) highlight package. Barry White’s “Love’s Theme” provides the soundtrack.

ELTON: “Ah, Barry White.”
JOHN MILCH: “Yeah, that’s right, a white guy.”

the future of facebook

Unnamed reprobate Just broke into this house at 2310 Cove Island Drive, looks good
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Unnamed reprobate Ain’t shit here!
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Unnamed reprobate Who doesn’t keep mustard in their kitchen? Can you put horseradish sauce on hot dogs?
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Unnamed reprobate Bunch of blue lights outside. Wonder what’s going on?
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sheldon greenbriar’s thanksgiving blurbomat

sheldon4What am I thankful for? So many things, not the least of which is this column. Those people who say dreams don’t come true must have unrealistic dreams. 

When I was little I wanted to be the next George Lazenby, but that goal was dashed when I started losing my hair at age 15. So I pursued a career behind the scenes instead, and thank Jehovah for that! I may not be a star, but I speak their language. I know how they tick. And, unlike those other Hollywood columnists, I’m not afraid to praise celebrities.   

This year alone I’ve interviewed such showbiz luminaries as Victoria Jackson, Phillip McKeon (who charmed a nation as Linda Lavin’s teenage son on “Alice”) and Johnny Depp’s Asian partner from “21 Jump Street”. Not bad for a Protestant kid with a Jewish name from Terre Haute. 

What else am I thankful for?

  • The enduring friendship of the great Meshach Taylor, who you no doubt remember as Anthony from “Designing Women”. Meshach is such a good friend; he’s the one who introduced me to Delta Burke and Gerald McRaney. Talk about Hollywood royalty! 
  • Jonathan Silverman. He’s conquered stage, cinema and television, equally adept at comedy and drama. His work in the “Weekend at Bernie’s” films signaled the emergence of a new comedic icon. I once compared him to a young Jack Lemmon, but I was wrong. He’s much more talented.  
  • Season 4 of “Gimme a Break!” You’ll remember that season marked the introduction of Julie’s husband Jonathan, played by, you guessed it, the sublime Jonathan Silverman. I’ve boycotted NBC ever since they canceled Jonathan’s groundbreaking show, “The Single Guy”.  
  • Feb. 21, 2003, the night I first saw Bonnie Franklin’s one-woman show. Someone give that woman another series! 
  • CompuServe, my gateway to the information superhighway. 
  • Robin Williams. No explanation necessary. 
  • The E! Network, for introducing me to those delightful Kardashian girls. I wish Bruce Jenner had been my dad!