I’m on my way to a memorial service, one you probably haven’t heard about. While the mainstream media has focused on the death of Michael Jackson — the third most-talented Jackson, behind Rebbie and Tito — not a peep has been said about the passing of Fred Travelena, the gifted mimic and my close friend.
Sure, Jacko could moonwalk, but could he do a spot-on Alan Thicke? Hardly. And Fred’s Abe Vigoda impression was without peer. Now he’s gone. I’ve been searching for my smile ever since.
In the meantime, let’s answer some reader mail.
Duane from Atlanta writes, “My life is a gaytastrophe! How should I deal?”
Dear Duane, Fred Travelena is dead and all you can think about is yourself! Next!
Devin from Decatur writes, “Who’s the sexier vixen: Morgan Brittany or Mary Crosby?”
Dear Devin, Charlene Tilton!
Fred from Fairburn writes, “What’s the latest with you and Leeza Gibbons?”
Dear Fred, Two words: Restraining order. She’ll never stalk me again!
Mildred from Peachtree City writes, “Whatever happened to the Hager Twins?”
Dear Mildred, They’re dead. Satisfied? Gaaah!
Brian from Ellijay writes, “Who’s your biggest celebrity crush?”
Dear Brian, Jo Anne Worley. We shared a moment.
Elinor from East Point writes, “What’s your favorite Samantha Fox song?”
Dear Elinor, Enjoy.
Filed under: the blurbomat
Go, Sheldon. Go and find your smile.