I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Sean Penn, star of such film classics as “All the King’s Men,” “We’re No Angels” and, of course, “Shanghai Surprise”.
Q: So Sean, now that Madonna has divorced that British bloke – don’t you just love that word – is there any chance you two could get back together?
A: No.
Q: What about on screen? “Shanghai Surprise” is one of my all-time favorites.
A: You liked that movie?
Q: Who didn’t?
A: I don’t care to talk about the past.
Q: So I know you have a teen-age daughter, Dylan. Strange name, Dylan. Where did that come from?
A: What?
Q: Well anyway I’m sure Dylan is a Hannah Montana fan. Do you hope to one day work with Miley Cyrus?
A: Dylan doesn’t watch television. Right now I’m teaching her about the Basque separatists.
Q: I’m sure I don’t know what that is. But I’m curious, what do you think about Billy Ray Cyrus’ parenting skills? Is he too permissive?
A: That’s none of my business. Why are you asking me that?
Q: ‘Cause you’re famous, and a father, and so is he.
A: This interview is over.
Q: Wait, Sean, please. I need you to settle a bet. You worked with Robert DeNiro in “We’re No Angels,” which, by the way, was a delightful romp. What do you think was Bobby’s greatest role: “Analyze This” or “Analyze That”?
A: You fucking mainstream media toady! You wanna go! Come on, right now!
Q: Oh, pipe down Spicoli! Now tell me, what was Judge Reinhold really like, behind the scenes? Do you two still hang out?
I'm not short, I'm just small-boned!
And that was that. I don’t know why Mr. Penn was so angry, but I’ve seen that kind of behavior before. Like the time I asked Paul Williams what he wanted to be when he grew up. He kicked my so hard I almost lost a testicle.
Ah, showbiz!
