the road to hell passes through alabama

 

Squeal like a pig, boy!

For some reason, I’ve been tagged the go-to guy for stories on, shall we say, aggressive Southerners. I was charged with getting “outside the perimeter” reaction on Election Night. Tomorrow I’ll be in Tuscaloosa, interviewing rabid Crimson Tide fans before the annual Alabama-Auburn game.

Wary of game-day traffic, I decided to drive to Birmingham tonight and get an early start. Unfortunately, Alabama has a thing against outdoor lighting, particularly on the interstates. I was going about 75 in the misty fog when I saw a car stopped ahead. I naturally assumed it was on the shoulder, but as I got closer it became apparent the vehicle had stalled in my lane. On the interstate.

Last night, I noticed my right tire was flat, so, in a rare moment of responsibility, I bought two new tires today and had a burned out headlight replaced. If not for that, I’d probably be dead. Someone likely bit it; I pulled off the next exit to gas up and within minutes heard a chorus of emergency vehicles headed in the direction of the stalled car. Bad shit happens when you park in the middle of an dimly lit interstate.

I finally made it to my “hotel”, eager to unwind with a drink and premium cable. Turned out my suite was in an extended stay motel. Barely had basic cable, the remote control didn’t work and the smell of cigarettes past overwhelmed even this seasoned smoker. 

I looked for another place, figuring I had earned a good night’s sleep. Two other hotels were booked — the third was a non-smoking building.

I returned to the suite. I needed the cigarettes.

Filed under: Sports, The South