john-edwards-noodle

FLASHBACK: Defining John Edwards

It’s a shame John Edwards can’t stand trial for exploiting the death of his son.

(originally posted 9/9/08)

Edwards had told Kerry he was going to share a story with him that he’d never told anyone else—that after his son Wade had been killed, he climbed onto the slab at the funeral home, laid there and hugged his body, and promised that he’d do all he could to make life better for people, to live up to Wade’s ideals of service. Kerry was stunned, not moved, because, as he told me later, Edwards had recounted the same exact story to him, almost in the exact same words, a year or two before—and with the same preface, that he’d never shared the memory with anyone else.

john edwards is like school on sunday

Yes, he’s a scumbag. No, he’s only human.

Shit, I thought he was the Green Lantern.

Okay, so he’s a mammal. Not a very admirable one, it turns out. (For you partisan types, same criticism applies to insensitive asshole Newt Gingrich, who at the very least was a lousy husband.)

Should this be news? I’m torn, but debating it is pointless.

It’s been nearly 50 years since the press overlooked JFK’s dalliances — 20 years since Gary Hart’s monkey business signaled the end of that unspoken agreement. Personal indiscretions by prominent politicians will be covered, and there’s no turning back.

Truth be told, we learned a lot about Edwards today. Apparently he’s learned nothing. His revelations were more about self-preservation than forgiveness, and they were poorly executed.

“If you want to beat me up – feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself.”

Sounds like someone’s watched too many episodes of “The Brady Bunch.”

So much to question about his alleged contrition. He claims he was “99 percent truthful” even though he denied the fundamental allegation of an affair. Clever math. Such a threshhold would require acknowledgement of everything but the exact room number of the hotel where he first fucked his mistress.

Yeah, but … Elizabeth Edwards’ cancer was in remission during her husband’s “liason.” The fact that the former presidential candidate even brought that up is indicative of his character, or lack thereof. In other words, he waited to screw around until he knew his wife had bought some time.

Well in that case …