The Ghost of Richard Nixon

It’s 1968 all over again:

Like Nixon, Senator Clinton is widely disliked. Like Nixon, she cannot be made warm, even by a modern-day Roger Ailes. Like Nixon, she is a politician whose resentments are always close to the surface. And like Nixon, she is a politician about whom her peers have real doubts.

But also like Nixon, she is intelligent and diligent and determined and tough and she has been through hell and back. She is experienced in a way that only her husband and President George W. Bush are experienced. She knows what it’s like to get her head kicked in every day, day after day after day, for months and years on end. She endures.

The Most Annoying Holiday Song Ever

Every year, the day after Thanksgiving, me mum would place Barbra Streisand‘s Christmas album on the turntable, where it would stay through Dec. 26. Her rendition of “Jingle Bells” still gives me nightmares.

Manheim Steamroller’s Christmas LP is almost as bad. Their version of “Deck the Hall” is probably playing on a continuous loop in Hell’s waiting room. And for our Jewish friends, there’s Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah Song,” which single-handedly destroys the cliche that Jews are funny.

What’s your least favorite holiday tune? Help me compile a definitive Bottom 10.

The Most Annoying Holiday Song Ever

Every year, the day after Thanksgiving, me mum would place Barbra Streisand‘s Christmas album on the turntable, where it would stay through Dec. 26. Her rendition of “Jingle Bells” still gives me nightmares.

Manheim Steamroller’s Christmas LP is almost as bad. Their version of “Deck the Hall” is probably playing on a continuous loop in Hell’s waiting room. And for our Jewish friends, there’s Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah Song,” which single-handedly destroys the cliche that Jews are funny.

What’s your least favorite holiday tune? Help me compile a definitive Bottom 10.

American Christians As Victims

Some of them actually believe they’re persecuted for their beliefs. One nut is convinced she’ll go to prison if Hillbot is elected, as she writes in this letter “To the Resistance,” dated Nov. 20, 2010:

When they canceled my program, banned my book and targeted my ministry, I knew it was only a matter of time before I’d be forced into “prison ministry” against my will. Unfortunately for our nation, that ministry is growing fast. A homeschooling mom was assigned the cell next to me. I try to comfort her, but she cries constantly at the thought of her kids being raised in government foster care.

Habari Gani, Habari Gani? Kwanzaa Is Here!

Some good nominees so far. Sorry, Craig, but I kind of like the Bowie-Crosby duo. “So This Is Christmas,” not so much.

Two Beatles on the list? Yessir. Norma and AtlPaddy are right; “Simply Have a Wonderful Christmastime,” by Paul McCartney, simply blows. And Erik is spot on with “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.”

They join Streisand’s “Jingle Bells,” anything by Manheim Steamroller, Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah Song” and “Kwanzaa Is Here,” which I heard for the first time today. It’s appropriately awful (recorded by some white hippie, even) and I’m in an inclusive mood today.

Keep the nominations coming.

The Ghost of Richard Nixon

It’s 1968 all over again:

Like Nixon, Senator Clinton is widely disliked. Like Nixon, she cannot be made warm, even by a modern-day Roger Ailes. Like Nixon, she is a politician whose resentments are always close to the surface. And like Nixon, she is a politician about whom her peers have real doubts.

But also like Nixon, she is intelligent and diligent and determined and tough and she has been through hell and back. She is experienced in a way that only her husband and President George W. Bush are experienced. She knows what it’s like to get her head kicked in every day, day after day after day, for months and years on end. She endures.

The Most Annoying Holiday Song Ever

Every year, the day after Thanksgiving, me mum would place Barbra Streisand‘s Christmas album on the turntable, where it would stay through Dec. 26. Her rendition of “Jingle Bells” still gives me nightmares.

Manheim Steamroller’s Christmas LP is almost as bad. Their version of “Deck the Hall” is probably playing on a continuous loop in Hell’s waiting room. And for our Jewish friends, there’s Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah Song,” which single-handedly destroys the cliche that Jews are funny.

What’s your least favorite holiday tune? Help me compile a definitive Bottom 10.

The Most Annoying Holiday Song Ever

Every year, the day after Thanksgiving, me mum would place Barbra Streisand‘s Christmas album on the turntable, where it would stay through Dec. 26. Her rendition of “Jingle Bells” still gives me nightmares.

Manheim Steamroller’s Christmas LP is almost as bad. Their version of “Deck the Hall” is probably playing on a continuous loop in Hell’s waiting room. And for our Jewish friends, there’s Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah Song,” which single-handedly destroys the cliche that Jews are funny.

What’s your least favorite holiday tune? Help me compile a definitive Bottom 10.

American Christians As Victims

Some of them actually believe they’re persecuted for their beliefs. One nut is convinced she’ll go to prison if Hillbot is elected, as she writes in this letter “To the Resistance,” dated Nov. 20, 2010:

When they canceled my program, banned my book and targeted my ministry, I knew it was only a matter of time before I’d be forced into “prison ministry” against my will. Unfortunately for our nation, that ministry is growing fast. A homeschooling mom was assigned the cell next to me. I try to comfort her, but she cries constantly at the thought of her kids being raised in government foster care.

Can You Say Obsessed?

Conservapedia is Wikipedia for right-wingers. Guess what their favorite subject is:

Most viewed pages

1. Main Page [1,898,763]
2. Homosexuality [1,506,622]
3. Homosexuality and Hepatitis [516,284]
4. Homosexuality and Promiscuity [417,480]
5. Homosexuality and Parasites [387,542]
6. Homosexuality and Domestic Violence [334,186]
7. Homosexuality and Gonorrhea [328,687]
8. Gay Bowel Syndrome [323,555]
9. Homosexuality and Syphilis [262,637]
10. Homosexuality and Mental Health [258,345]

(via Andrew Sullivan)

Bush Administration Outrage Du Jour

This is inexcusable — you’d hope Bush would take time out from clearing brush on the ranch, get on the phone and make things right:

The U.S. Military is demanding that thousands of wounded service personnel give back signing bonuses because they are unable to serve out their commitments.

To get people to sign up, the military gives enlistment bonuses up to $30,000 in some cases.

Now men and women who have lost arms, legs, eyesight, hearing and can no longer serve are being ordered to pay some of that money back.

Islamic Outrage Du Jour

Saudi Arabia defended on Tuesday a court’s decision to sentence a woman who was gang-raped to 200 lashes of the whip, after the United States described the verdict as “astonishing”.

This is one of those times you just want to throw your hands up in the air and say to the fanatics, “Call us when you’re ready to enter civilization.” Unfortunately, we’ve allowed ourselves to become dependent on — and, in Saudi Arabia’s case, subsidized — barbarians.

I’m Thankful For Malcontenters

My gift to you, a mixed tape, well-worn:

*”Some Mother’s Son” The Kinks

*”Murder Sounds” Enon

*”Gnossienne n.4” Erik Satie

*”Out of Time” Blur

*”Valentine” The Sun

*”Hot Love” T. Rex

*”White Girl” X

*”Mr. Tough” Yo La Tengo

*”Twilight Showdown” Starlight Mints

*”Stand and Deliver” Adam and the Ants

*”Zoloft” Ween

Finally, a Valid Reason Not To Like Will Smith

Besides the fact that his movies suck. Same with his music. And there’s his slick, media-approved, family-friendly, focus grouped “hipness.”

No doubt that appeals to the Church of Scientology, which appears to have nabbed a new recruit:

“I’ve studied Buddhism and Hinduism, and I’ve studied Scientology through Tom [Cruise]. Ninety-eight percent of the principles [in Scientology] are identical to the principles of the Bible. . . . I don’t think that because the word someone uses for spirit is ‘thetan’ that the definition becomes any different.”

Word!

The rest of the article is similarly gag-worthy:

Remember, this is the Willenium, and you’re just living in it. Whether the camera’s rolling or not, whether he’s getting jiggy or getting real, the 39-year-old Smith exudes the same appeal—an organic hyper-likability that has helped make him the most bankable star in the world, surpassing even Pitt, Clooney, and those white dudes named Tom. With Smith’s last four movies—The Pursuit of Happyness, Hitch, Shark Tale, and I, Robot—each grossing over $300 million, and his total worldwide box office topping $4.4 billion, he is as sure a thing in Hollywood as celebrity DUIs, Botox, and paternity suits. Not that you’d ever find him indulging in all that. “I’ve never met anybody at that place who is as grounded and non–full of bullshit,” Theron attests. “I don’t say this kind of stuff about people, but he’s godly.”

No, he’s Xenuian.

When Fat Toads Haiku

Brace yourselves: Rosie O’Donnell has given her blog a a makeover, and it really, really matters a whole lot:

dear god
a new blog design
hold on kids
here we go

change is hard
for all
fear freezes us
always

trust the light
follow ur gut
live what u know
can b

Now you know what I go through every other day when I revamp my blog’s appearance.