Angst, Tears, Product Placement, More Angst

I had neither seen, nor heard of, the new Web video series “quarterlife” before today. If only I could turn back time.

The lead character is a girl named Dylan, complete with pouty lips and an overly earnest brow. The producers are the same “creative minds” behind “thirtysomething,” the whiniest show ever. Judging by their inability to capitalize titles and their soul-baring narratives, they’ve no doubt read too much E.E. Cummings.

Slate critic Troy Patterson actually had to endure the series, and he’s none too happy about it:

As a rule, if the female characters are not actively crying, then they’ve either just stopped or they’re wrinkling up their button noses in an attempt to start again. Lisa cries when she finally gets a look at Dylan’s blog, which depicts her as an alcoholic strumpet. “You put my face all over the frickin’ Net!” she bawls, rage overwhelming her faculties such that she can relay her thoughts only in the corniest terms. Lisa’s lower lip also gets to trembling when her acting teacher humiliates her in front of her class. (Hershovitz himself plays the teacher; quarterlife is so full of such rabbit holes and mirror tricks—the Toyota ad built into the plot, the fact that Dylan posts her videos on quarterlife.com—that it sometimes resembles a kind of kiddie Borges.)

Elsewhere, Dylan cries because she loves Jed—”The thing about Jed is, he really is an artist,” she says—but he loves Debra. The boys also get in on the act, with Jed mewling because he loves Debra and she loves Danny. Meanwhile, Danny mists up because he’s not a talented filmmaker and really needs Jed in order to get by, bro. All of them quiver and moon. None of them arouse our sympathies because they indulge their misery with rather too much relish. After all, if Dylan were content, what would she blog about? “Why aren’t you happy?” one of her friends asks in a lighter moment. Dylan responds in a preteen pout: “I don’t feel like it.” It’s supposed to be cute.

The One Republican Who Could Beat Hillary

It ain’t Rudy, according to a recent nationwide poll:

If there were an election for President of the United States today, and the only two names on the ballot were Republican Rudy Giuliani and … Democrat Hillary Clinton, who would you vote for?

45% Giuliani
45% Clinton
10% Undecided

What if it was Republican John McCain against Hillary Clinton?

51% McCain
42% Clinton
7% Undecided

Against Obama, McCain leads by 10 percentage points; Rudy, only four. Against either Clinton or Obama, The Anchorman (Mitt Romney, for the uninitiated) trails badly.

A bad sign for Giuliani: Voters are beginning to find him “scary.” I, too, am concerned that Rudy is cut from the same imperialist cloth of George W. Bush (and Hillbot).

The One Republican Who Could Beat Hillary

It ain’t Rudy, according to a recent nationwide poll:

If there were an election for President of the United States today, and the only two names on the ballot were Republican Rudy Giuliani and … Democrat Hillary Clinton, who would you vote for?

45% Giuliani
45% Clinton
10% Undecided

What if it was Republican John McCain against Hillary Clinton?

51% McCain
42% Clinton
7% Undecided

Against Obama, McCain leads by 10 percentage points; Rudy, only four. Against either Clinton or Obama, The Anchorman (Mitt Romney, for the uninitiated) trails badly.

A bad sign for Giuliani: Voters are beginning to find him “scary.” I, too, am concerned that Rudy is cut from the same imperialist cloth of George W. Bush (and Hillbot).

“Our Film Critic Is Roger Ebert”

For an in-depth analysis on the makeover at 72 Marietta St., check out the latest issue of Columbia Journalism Review, available online.

Best that I withhold comment.

Rodak Lives!

If you’re of a certain age, and had Channel 17 (then WTCG) on your TV dial, then you’ll know of who I speak. I placed Malcontenter Markie Post on a “Space Giants” mailing list a few years back and she’s still receiving material, including this fairly clever comic strip.

Tom Cruise Is a Bear

I’m only posting this pic of Tom Cruise in a bald cap and fat suit because A.) He doesn’t want it published and B.) I don’t like Tom Cruise. 

Obnoxious Celebrity Environmentalist Du Jour

It’s been another typical day in the world of Heather Mills.

She started her day by storming out of a radio interview with London’s LBC station, and then turned up at Speaker’s Corner, in a gas-guzzling black 4×4 Mercedes, to lecture the assembled crowds on ways of saving the planet.

As part of her extraordinary tirade at Speaker’s Corner in Hyde Park, Heather exhorted people to try drinking rat’s milk instead of cow milk to help reduce global warming.

Once again, “The Simpsons” did it first. Sorry, Heather Mills, but Fat Tony was milking rats years ago.

Giving the People What They Want

One more famous male who looks like an old lesbian — that is, if you consider alleged comedian Bruce Vilanch famous.

(visit the very funny site here)

*And before you curse me for ruining your Monday with Vilanch’s mug, be grateful that I didn’t locate a shirtless shot. Or worse.

We Should Do More

As many as 15,000 people are feared dead in Bangladesh after this weekend’s killer cyclone. A humanitarian crisis looms, with food shortages and outbreaks of disease likely.

Seems to me the U.S. can pony up more than $2.1 million in aid, as is being reported.

Italy’s Roman Catholic bishops are donating more (then again, they probably have more cash on hand). The British are pledging twice as much.

Not only is the right thing to do, but the smart thing, as Bangladesh is predominantly Muslim. No doubt radical Islamists will exploit our feeble response.

Frankly, we should be embarrassed.

*Footage of the damage here, here and here.

Good News From Iowa

Obama leads:

The top three Democratic contenders remain locked in a close battle in Iowa, with Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (N.Y.) seeing her advantages diminish on key fronts, including the questions of experience and which candidate is best prepared to handle the war in Iraq, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll.

Illinois Senator Barack Obama gets the support of 30 percent of likely Democratic caucus-goers in Iowa, compared to 26 percent for Clinton, 22 percent for former senator John Edwards and 11 percent for New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson.

Today’s Must-Read

The Plank’s Michelle Cottle sounds off on the war against intelligence.

On the way, I passed this United Methodist church with a sign out front boldly proclaiming:

Experts built the Titanic.

Amateurs Built the Ark.

Whatever your thoughts on biblical literalism, this is a tiresome sign of the times and, specifically, this culture’s widespread antipathy toward expertise–an antipathy that a certain breed of bash-the-establishment politician has long promoted, and which the current administration has done everything it can to fuel. …

When did our overabundance of attitude morph into some bizarre conviction that anyone with a specialized base of knowledge is automatically a buffoon and not to be trusted?

I just hope the church’s minister remembers his love of amateurs the next time he needs a root canal.

Full Circle

Tom Glavine‘s back with the Braves, and I couldn’t be happier.

Braves fans — many of whom felt betrayed when Glavine left for the Mets — seem ready to forgive and forget (as they should):

With Tom Glavine returning to the Braves, will Atlanta fans forgive him for bolting to the Mets after the 2002 season?

Yes: 83.37% 5581
No: 16.63% 1113

Angst, Tears, Product Placement, More Angst

I had neither seen, nor heard of, the new Web video series “quarterlife” before today. If only I could turn back time.

The lead character is a girl named Dylan, complete with pouty lips and an overly earnest brow. The producers are the same “creative minds” behind “thirtysomething,” the whiniest show ever. Judging by their inability to capitalize titles and their soul-baring narratives, they’ve no doubt read too much E.E. Cummings.

Slate critic Troy Patterson actually had to endure the series, and he’s none too happy about it:

As a rule, if the female characters are not actively crying, then they’ve either just stopped or they’re wrinkling up their button noses in an attempt to start again. Lisa cries when she finally gets a look at Dylan’s blog, which depicts her as an alcoholic strumpet. “You put my face all over the frickin’ Net!” she bawls, rage overwhelming her faculties such that she can relay her thoughts only in the corniest terms. Lisa’s lower lip also gets to trembling when her acting teacher humiliates her in front of her class. (Hershovitz himself plays the teacher; quarterlife is so full of such rabbit holes and mirror tricks—the Toyota ad built into the plot, the fact that Dylan posts her videos on quarterlife.com—that it sometimes resembles a kind of kiddie Borges.)

Elsewhere, Dylan cries because she loves Jed—”The thing about Jed is, he really is an artist,” she says—but he loves Debra. The boys also get in on the act, with Jed mewling because he loves Debra and she loves Danny. Meanwhile, Danny mists up because he’s not a talented filmmaker and really needs Jed in order to get by, bro. All of them quiver and moon. None of them arouse our sympathies because they indulge their misery with rather too much relish. After all, if Dylan were content, what would she blog about? “Why aren’t you happy?” one of her friends asks in a lighter moment. Dylan responds in a preteen pout: “I don’t feel like it.” It’s supposed to be cute.

The One Republican Who Could Beat Hillary

It ain’t Rudy, according to a recent nationwide poll:

If there were an election for President of the United States today, and the only two names on the ballot were Republican Rudy Giuliani and … Democrat Hillary Clinton, who would you vote for?

45% Giuliani
45% Clinton
10% Undecided

What if it was Republican John McCain against Hillary Clinton?

51% McCain
42% Clinton
7% Undecided

Against Obama, McCain leads by 10 percentage points; Rudy, only four. Against either Clinton or Obama, The Anchorman (Mitt Romney, for the uninitiated) trails badly.

A bad sign for Giuliani: Voters are beginning to find him “scary.” I, too, am concerned that Rudy is cut from the same imperialist cloth of George W. Bush (and Hillbot).

The One Republican Who Could Beat Hillary

It ain’t Rudy, according to a recent nationwide poll:

If there were an election for President of the United States today, and the only two names on the ballot were Republican Rudy Giuliani and … Democrat Hillary Clinton, who would you vote for?

45% Giuliani
45% Clinton
10% Undecided

What if it was Republican John McCain against Hillary Clinton?

51% McCain
42% Clinton
7% Undecided

Against Obama, McCain leads by 10 percentage points; Rudy, only four. Against either Clinton or Obama, The Anchorman (Mitt Romney, for the uninitiated) trails badly.

A bad sign for Giuliani: Voters are beginning to find him “scary.” I, too, am concerned that Rudy is cut from the same imperialist cloth of George W. Bush (and Hillbot).