Vintage “Hee Haw”

Willie performs "Funny How Time Slips Away," with a sizable assist from Faron Young.

Today’s must-read

Just when I think his penis can’t get any smaller, you-know-who tops himself. Now an innocuous pop song has inflamed Duane’s delicate sensibilities — then again, a stiff breeze offends him.

Duane’s riposte: ARE YOU A COMPLETE FUCKING MORON??? Seriously, I definitely think that you must have been, at the very least, one of the challenged children in school, and as a result, needed special ed. The reason I believe this, is because, yet again, you have completely missed what I have said, something that anyone with a second grade reading level would be able to not only comprehend, but master.

I’m offended by his insensitive attack on the mentally challenged, as well as his obsessive reliance on parenthetical clauses.

The pedophiliacation of America

The other day I overheard two adults enthusiastically dissect “High School Musical 2.” As far as I could tell, they didn’t have kids. I’m glad they were strangers.

Then I perused some celebrity magazines. The star of the Disney franchise, Zac Efron, graced virtually every cover. I think he’s legal, but he doesn’t look it. Regardless, I found it a bit creepy that a kid named Zac has graduated from tween wet dream to full-blown sex symbol (according to People, Rolling Stone, et al) overnight.

Perhaps I’m being a prude, but it seems the trend toward sexualizing the young is starting to blossom in the culture at large. Kids are being Abercrombie and Fitched, while adults resist maturity at every turn. I’ve been guilty (surely I’m not the only thirtysomething who’s watched “Laguna Beach”).

While any red-blooded male might be tempted by a hot 18-year-old, I’d like to think I’d hold out for someone of drinking age, at least.

Alas, I face no such dilemmas. Besides, he’d probably be too experienced for me.

(Yes, I’m aware pedophiliacation is not a word, though I deserve some credit for not posting a shirtless pic of Zac Efron.)

Site of the day

The Naton of Islam Sportsblog has to be a farce, considering the site’s business manager is named Morton Weinberg. Parody or not, it’s absurd content is good for some laughs.

On Michael Vick:

The NFL stood by as Michael Vick asked for help. Knowing he was in a situation that might compromise his future, Vick took the initiative to try to get help. He’d been told that the new commissioner was no nonsense. That the behavior expectations were concrete. With that in mind, and knowing that simply asking for help could jeopardize his safety, Vick tried to institute himself into the NFL’s naughty boy club and receive the rehabilitative treatment and counselling it would provide. He brazenly boarded a plane with a contraband bottle. But, what happened next showed that his owner and league were only thinking of the investment in the $130M player. …

The Grand Jury that levied an indictment against Mr. Vick simultaneously indicted every fan of football, every buyer of the goods that had Vick’s name and image attached and every purveyor of products marketed in connection with Vick.

We were all indicted. As a society.

But only one of us stood up to accept the responsibility.

Michael Vick.

Noted and quoted, Oxford University edition

Three “Simpsons” quotes have been included in the latest edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Modern Quotations:

Homer Simpson phrases include: “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try.”

Another Homer quotation featured is: “Kids are the best, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate. And they practically raise themselves, what with the internet and all.”

Also included is the much-repeated reference to the French by the Scottish caretaker Willie who remarks: “Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender monkeys” in a 1995 episode.

The pedophiliacation of America

The other day I overheard two adults enthusiastically dissect "High School Musical 2." As far as I could tell, they didn’t have kids. I’m glad they were strangers.

Then I perused some celebrity magazines. The star of the Disney franchise, Zac Efron, graced virtually every cover. I think he’s legal, but he doesn’t look it. Regardless, I found it a bit creepy that a kid named Zac has graduated from tween wet dream to full-blown sex symbol (according to People, Rolling Stone, et al) overnight.

Perhaps I’m being a prude, but it seems the trend toward sexualizing the young is starting to blossom in the culture at large. Kids are being Abercrombie and Fitched, while adults resist maturity at every turn. I’ve been guilty (surely I’m not the only thirtysomething who’s watched "Laguna Beach").

While any red-blooded male might be tempted by a hot 18-year-old, I’d like to think I’d hold out for someone of drinking age, at least.

Alas, I face no such dilemmas. Besides, he’d probably be too experienced for me.

(Yes, I’m aware pedophiliacation is not a word, though I deserve some credit for not posting a shirtless pic of Zac Efron.)

Site of the day

The Naton of Islam Sportsblog has to be a farce, considering the site’s business manager is named Morton Weinberg. Parody or not, it’s absurd content is good for some laughs.

On Michael Vick:

The NFL stood by as Michael Vick asked for help. Knowing he was in a situation that might compromise his future, Vick took the initiative to try to get help. He’d been told that the new commissioner was no nonsense. That the behavior expectations were concrete. With that in mind, and knowing that simply asking for help could jeopardize his safety, Vick tried to institute himself into the NFL’s naughty boy club and receive the rehabilitative treatment and counselling it would provide. He brazenly boarded a plane with a contraband bottle. But, what happened next showed that his owner and league were only thinking of the investment in the $130M player. …

The Grand Jury that levied an indictment against Mr. Vick simultaneously indicted every fan of football, every buyer of the goods that had Vick’s name and image attached and every purveyor of products marketed in connection with Vick.

We were all indicted. As a society.

But only one of us stood up to accept the responsibility.

Michael Vick.

Noted and quoted, Oxford University edition

Three "Simpsons" quotes have been included in the latest edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Modern Quotations:

Homer Simpson phrases include: "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try."

Another Homer quotation featured is: "Kids are the best, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate. And they practically raise themselves, what with the internet and all."

Also included is the much-repeated reference to the French by the Scottish caretaker Willie who remarks: "Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender monkeys" in a 1995 episode.

Cap du jour, Iranian justice edition

An Iranian man receives 80 lashes for violating the country’s morality laws. His crimes: abusing alcohol and having sex outside of marriage.

If Michael Vick is guilty, we’re all guilty

Not sure if commenter Haseem Jones is for real, but he forwards an argument that has been made by Vick apologists such as Falcons WR Joe Horn and a prominent NAACP executive: 

Have you ever swatted a fly? Set a mouse trap? Slapped a mosquito that was sucking your blood? Squished an ant?

How about eaten a hamburger, or chicken, or fish, or a ham sandwich or lamb chop or Canadian bacon pizza?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, you’re just as bad as Michael Vick. Dude fought some dogs. Hung a couple, electrocuted and drowned household pets. Big deal. You’ve killed animals too. So what’s the difference?

Oh, the media says it’s so bad. You don’t see the media saying it’s so bad to go around killing deers, or possums or cows or chicken or pigs or sheep or mice or squirrels. An animal’s an animal.

Stop the hatin’.

*”Starbury,” aka Knicks guard Stephon Marbury, checks in:

“I think, you know, we don’t say anything about people who shoot deer or shoot other animals. You know, from what I hear, dogfighting is a sport. It’s just behind closed doors.”

Starbury inadvertently brings up a salient point:

“I think it’s tough that we build Michael Vick up and then we break him down. I think he’s one of the superb athletes, and he’s a good human being. I just think that he fell into a bad situation.”

So because he’s a superb athlete, he deserves a break? Nothing new there — that’s a maxim that unites rich and poor, black and white.