Conspiracy theorist du jour

You expect this shit from the likes of Rosie, but a U.S. congressman?

Addressing a gathering of atheists in his home state of Minnesota, Keith Ellison, a Democrat, compared the 9/11 atrocities to the destruction of the Reichstag, the German parliament, in 1933. This was probably burned down by the Nazis in order to justify Hitler’s later seizure of emergency powers.

“It’s almost like the Reichstag fire, kind of reminds me of that,” Mr Ellison said. “After the Reichstag was burned, they blamed the Communists for it, and it put the leader [Hitler] of that country in a position where he could basically have authority to do whatever he wanted.”

Noted and quoted, bitch slap edition

Morrissey on Madonna:

The former Smiths frontman was playing the Norva venue in Norfolk, Virginia last week (July 9) when he verbally attacked the singer from the stage.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if she made that African boy she adopted into a coat and wore him for 15 minutes, then threw it away,” he declared.

(via Andisheh)

She’s just so damn cute!

And she never bitches or whines — further proof that I’m not the heartless monster I often claim to be (happy first birthday, Ava). 

Atheist rock hard

Finally, music for the nonbeliever. That’s all well and good, but when are lapsed Baptist contrarian homosexuals going to get their own genre of music?

Conspiracy theorist du jour

You expect this shit from the likes of Rosie, but a U.S. congressman?

Addressing a gathering of atheists in his home state of Minnesota, Keith Ellison, a Democrat, compared the 9/11 atrocities to the destruction of the Reichstag, the German parliament, in 1933. This was probably burned down by the Nazis in order to justify Hitler’s later seizure of emergency powers.

“It’s almost like the Reichstag fire, kind of reminds me of that,” Mr Ellison said. “After the Reichstag was burned, they blamed the Communists for it, and it put the leader [Hitler] of that country in a position where he could basically have authority to do whatever he wanted.”

Noted and quoted, bitch slap edition

Morrissey on Madonna:

The former Smiths frontman was playing the Norva venue in Norfolk, Virginia last week (July 9) when he verbally attacked the singer from the stage.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if she made that African boy she adopted into a coat and wore him for 15 minutes, then threw it away,” he declared.

(via Andisheh)

“Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up first”

My Aunt Babs gave me that invaluable piece of advice as a youngster, totally in character. I talk about her a lot; not that we were close, but she gave great anecdote. Just last night I was telling Babs stories, as is my wont. 

Sadly, Babs is about to be defeated by a life lived hard. Married six times, she drank heavily and smoked a couple of packs a day — even after being diagnosed with cancer. Babs, a retired forklift driver, thought she had the disease beat, but today we found out it’s beaten her. She’s in hospice care now, with only a few weeks — at most — left.

She’ll remain a dependable muse. Whenever I run short of material, I turn to Babs. Like the time she led a (successful) walkout at her local VFW after they banned smoking during bingo. Or the night she met the former owner of the Atlanta Falcons; “Babs, this is Rankin Smith, he owns the Falcons.” “I don’t give a shit what he owns. What am I supposed to do, kiss his feet?” (They ended up drunk, launching fireworks in the backyard. It was not the Fourth of July.)

Then there was the day she showed up at our subdivision pool, wearing a black Van Halen T-shirt and white lycra shorts. We assumed — incorrectly — she had a bathing suit on underneath. My mom urged her not to get wet, lest she expose her, uh, genitalia, but Babs would not be dissuaded.

“I don’t give a shit what these country club fuckers think,” she said, just loud enough so all the “country club fuckers” could hear her. Might I add that she was holding a lit cigarette aloft as she jumped into the pool.

Babs had few redeeming qualities, but I’m a sucker for the colorful. I’ll never meet another like her. 

Johnny does Janis

“Me and Bobby McGee” — God I miss Johnny Cash.

Simpsons Sunday

“The ball, his groin … it works on so many levels”;

Fair and balanced;

“Have the Rolling Stones killed”;

In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.

“Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up first”

My Aunt Babs gave me that invaluable piece of advice as a youngster, totally in character. I talk about her a lot; not that we were close, but she gave great anecdote. Just last night I was telling Babs stories, as is my wont. 

Sadly, Babs is about to be defeated by a life lived hard. Married six times, she drank heavily and smoked a couple of packs a day — even after being diagnosed with cancer. Babs, a retired forklift driver, thought she had the disease beat, but today we found out it’s beaten her. She’s in hospice care now, with only a few weeks — at most — left.

She’ll remain a dependable muse. Whenever I run short of material, I turn to Babs. Like the time she led a (successful) walkout at her local VFW after they banned smoking during bingo. Or the night she met the former owner of the Atlanta Falcons; "Babs, this is Rankin Smith, he owns the Falcons." "I don’t give a shit what he owns. What am I supposed to do, kiss his feet?" (They ended up drunk, launching fireworks in the backyard. It was not the Fourth of July.)

Then there was the day she showed up at our subdivision pool, wearing a black Van Halen T-shirt and white lycra shorts. We assumed — incorrectly — she had a bathing suit on underneath. My mom urged her not to get wet, lest she expose her, uh, genitalia, but Babs would not be dissuaded.

"I don’t give a shit what these country club fuckers think," she said, just loud enough so all the "country club fuckers" could hear her. Might I add that she was holding a lit cigarette aloft as she jumped into the pool.

Babs had few redeeming qualities, but I’m a sucker for the colorful. I’ll never meet another like her.