John Mayer: changing the world one uninspiring guitar riff at a time

I can’t figure out John Mayer‘s success. He’s on the cover of TIME magazine, appears onstage with The Police, is routinely shadowed by paparazzi — and for what? Making music for the Applebee’s crowd?

Mayer appeared at last weekend’s Live Earth festival and, as he wrote on his blog, the former Atlantan was geared for a revolution:

Johnmayer1sizedWith this kind of lineup, there’s no cause or crisis that wouldn’t be positively affected by an event of this scope. Live Earth isn’t a  show – it’s a showing, a presentation of an idea. Artists like us don’t just get together to each play 20 minute sets every weekend, you know. We’re also usually pretty sensitive about the order in which we take the stage, and I’ve got no problems with my 5:12 PM set time. The Police, Bon Jovi, Alicia Keys, Kanye West, and yes, myself and my dumb face are all openers for the true headliner – the power to literally change the world’s mind. The star of the night is an idea, and all eyes will be on it.

And a soft-rock crooner shall lead them.

Yet another conservative hypocrite

Married Louisiana senator David Vitter admitted yesterday he had hired hookers supplied by the infamous “D.C. Madam.”

Last year, Vitter told the New Orleans Times-Picayune:

And, when asked directly whether he meant to say that gay marriage is more important that hurricane relief, he tried to clarify.

“What I meant,” Vitter said, is that “the existence or non-existence of a stable, loving, two-parent household” is the most significant predictor of success in life, although “that doesn’t mean you can’t rear a child well in another environment.” And, displaying a firm grasp of the obvious, Vitter also conceded that infidelity, divorce, and deadbeat dads contribute to the breakdown of traditional families.

A gay wedding nightmare

Tori Spelling officiated (she was ordained online). Martinis named after the couple’s favorite Broadway musicals were served to all the guests. One of the grooms serenaded the crowd with a “rousing” reindition of “Cabaret.” And the first dance was to a Madonna song.

Sounds like they had every cliche covered.

A dispatch from the Algonquin

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I do not like my state of mind; I’m bitter, querulous, unkind. I hate my legs, I hate my hands, I do not yearn for lovely lands. I dread the dawn’s recurrent light; I hate to go to bed at night. I snoot at simple, earnest folk. I cannot take the gentlest joke. I find no peace in paint or type. My world is but a lot of tripe. I’m disillusioned, empty-breasted. For what I think, I’d be arrested. I am not sick. I am not well. My quondam dreams are shot to hell. My soul is crushed, my spirit sore: I do not like me any more. I cavil, quarrel, grumble, grouse. I ponder on the narrow house. I shudder at the thought of men. I’m due to fall in love again.

–from Dorothy Parker‘s “Symptom Recital” (via Markie Post)

“Sen. Obama, what did you think of my last album?”

For the first time the leading candidates for the presidency will hold a televised debate devoted solely to LGBT issues. Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John Edwards have confirmed they will participate. Several other Democratic candidates also may join the debate.

Sounds okay so far, except that the panel questioning the candidates includes Hillary lackey Joe Solmonese (president of the Human Rights Campaign, a bloated, ineffectual special interest) and humorless dyke Melissa Etheridge. Why not use real journalists, like "Atlantic" blogger Andrew Sullivan or Adam Nagourney of the New York Times? This won’t be a debate — it’ll be a coronation for Hillary, sponsored by the petty queer establishment. Once again the gay movement has taken the lead in marginalizing itself.