(Inspired by the return of Jackie Harvey)
Okay, guys, I probably don’t need to tell you this, but SUMMER MOVIES ROCK! I know I’m a little late with my super summer review, but Rand-O and I just finished redecorating our utility closet. It was exhausting. I feel bad that I haven’t given you my reviews, so here they are:
“Spider-Man 3″ — loves me some Tobey Maguire — was fantastic, even if it wasn’t quite as fantastic as the first two. I just wish I looked that hot in tights. A real thrill ride. I give it 4.5 stars (out of five).
“Georgia Rule” was as sweet as Skittles — why didn’t more people see this movie? Jane Fonda was hilarious as the feisty grandma, and even though she’s going through a tough time right now, Lindsay Lohan proves yet again that she’s the most talented actress in Hollywood. Plenty of laughter, and lots of tears — just like real life. 4.67 stars.
As for “Shrek the Third”: Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Eddie Murphy, Antonio Banderas … enough said. A true delight. Brings out the kid in you, which isn’t that hard since I’ve got a lot of kid left in me. :) 4.72 stars.
Unlike “Spider-Man 3,” the second sequel to “Pirates of the Caribbean” was even more fantastic than the other two. And they were pretty amazing. Johnny Depp is the best actor — ever — and you’ll love the Keith Richards cameo. Talk about perfect casting. A real thrill ride. 4.8 stars.
“Knocked Up” is pregnant with laughs. Get it? It’s even funnier than “The Devil Wears Prada.” I mean, instant classic. Quite possibly the funniest movie ever made. Heck, it is the funniest movie ever made. And I loves me some Seth Rogen (sorry, Tobey). Five, yep, FIVE stars.
Just saw “Ocean’s Thirteen.” If you liked “Ocean’s Eleven,” and “Ocean’s Twelve,” you’ll love “Ocean’s Thirteen.” George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon — now there’s a threesome. Like one of those Old Hollywood films, but better. It’s in color, for one, and those old guys weren’t nearly as handsome as the new ones. I mean, Frank Sinatra’s no George Clooney. A fun thrill ride. 4.67 stars.
Still so much to look forward to: “Fantastic Four” looks scary as hell — a perfect popcorn movie (with lots and lots of butter). I laughed out loud at the “Even Almighty” trailer, even though I’m not a huge Steve Carell fan (notice how the audience never laughs on “The Office”). If it’s half as funny as the trailer, I’ll be there. I’m betting it will be: “Bruce Almighty” was a classic.
Meanwhile, the cutie from “The Office” is in “License to Wed,” which looks totally sweet. And it’s got Mandy Moore in it. What more do you need? How about Robin Williams, who plays a priest. I’m laughing already. The preview is hilarious, especially when the baby farts real loud. Mandy Moore + Robin Williams + a farting baby = a must-see. Oh, and one more thing: it’s from the guy who directed “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,” one of my favorite tearjerkers of all time.
So much more to get to — “Transformers,” “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry” (Adam Sandler? Gay? Whatever), the new Harry Potter movie, “Hairspray,” “Rush Hour 3″ … don’t you wish it was summer all year long?
Oh well, I better get going. We still have to finish wallpapering the utility closet. Rand-O is such a perfectionist.
But before I go — one complaint. Why no “Brokeback Mountain” sequel? Maybe with Ashton Kutcher as the new cowboy in town? Now that would be a thrill ride.