Bork flips, flops, and falls over tort reform

Irving Kristol once defined a neoconservative as a liberal who had been mugged by reality. By the same token, can a liberal be defined as a neoconservative who had suddenly found a need for the tort bar?

We may find that out in a Manhattan court, where Robert H. Bork — the Supreme Court nominee rejected by the U.S. Senate in 1987 — filed a $1-million lawsuit today against the Yale Club of New York City, whose negligence, he says, was to blame for injuries he suffered in a fall at the club a year ago.

Mr. Bork, who is 80, said in the lawsuit that he had suffered injuries to his left leg and his head when he tripped while stepping onto a dais at the club to address a gathering sponsored by The New Criterion, a tradition-minded monthly journal of culture. According to the Associated Press, the suit accuses the Yale Club of “wanton, willful, and reckless disregard for the safety of its guests.” The suit, which cites the “excruciating pain” he has experienced during a recovery that continues, seeks damages for pain and suffering, medical treatment, lost work time, and lost income.

“Oh my God. My arms are falling off my body”

All this Paris Hilton talk has reminded me of another spoiled brat. She was an old friend of mine and Miss Ellie’s. She was very, very dramatic.

The headline above was an actual quote. She emerged from her room, white as a ghost, proclaiming that her arms were falling off her body. For real. We were so taken aback we didn’t know how to respond. Finally, “Could we get you a Coke and some Saltines?” I’m not sure if the soda and crackers were responsible, but miraculously her arms remained attached.

She was consistently late paying her rent. One time she received an irate message from her landlord, which really pissed her off. “It’s not like he needs the money.” She proceeded to write a two-page letter excoriating him for demanding the rent. Later that day she bought a Betsey Johnson dress.

She wasn’t much on empathy, either. On the same day her roomie broke up with her longtime boyfriend, said brat responded: “It’s been a bad day for both of us.” You see, her two-week fling had ended. Six years, two weeks … it’s all the same to the mightily self-absorbed.

I don’t know what became of her, but I’m guessing she’s feeling victimized at this very moment.