The First Annual ATL malcontent award for outstanding achievement in the field of desecrating justice

(Via Heinrich)

The Stella Award — named after Stella Liebeck, who collected $2.9 million from McDonald’s for spilling hot coffee on herself — for the most frivolous lawsuit of the year goes to:

Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City ,who bought a new Winnebago Motor Home. While driving home on the freeway he engaged the Cruise Control and then left the driver’s seat to go back in to the motor home to make a cup of coffee… He received $1,750,000 plus a new motor home … and an addendum in the Winnebago owner’s manual advising owners not to leave the wheel after engaging Cruise Control.

The runner-up: Carl Truman of Los Angeles, who was compensated $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over Carl’s hand with his Honda Accord. Carl didn’t know his neighbor was in the car when he started to steal the hubcaps.

Cap du jour

You may never forgive me for this one (the former Mr. Liza Minnelli — David Gest — reenacts Madonna’s “Cherish” video).

The time I met David Halberstam

I came across a handful of famous people during my brief stint as a valet parker. There was Evander Holyfield, a world class chump who didn’t tip (and I was all prepared to keep quiet about the two women he was nuzzling, neither of whom was his wife). I was left to wonder if the joint Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes left in the ashtray of her sports car was meant as a gratuity. No such questions about former Hawks coach Lenny Wilkens, who placed a hundered dollar bill in my hand the day before Christmas Eve.

He might not have been as generous, but David Halberstam, who died yesterday, was just as classy. I think he was surprised that I recognized him, considering my line of work. He was even more surprised that I didn’t recognize his dinner companion.

“Would you like to meet Bob Gibson?” he asked, not knowing I was a huge baseball fan. It was cordial and brief, but it meant a lot to me.

Halberstam was one of the best reporters of his generation, chronicling generals and athletes with equal aplomb. Fitting that he died on the job, on his way to an interview with famed New York Giants QB Y.A. Tittle.

Hillary takes the Underground Railroad

Because her journey to the White House is every bit as monumental as Harriet Tubman’s trek:

You know this reminds me of one of my favorite American heroines, Harriet Tubman. For when she made it to freedom after having been a slave and she got to New York and she could have been so happy to just stay at home and just breathe a big sigh of relief but she kept going back down South to bring other freed slaves to freedom. And she used to say, ‘No matter what happens, keep going.’ So we’re going to keep going until we take back the White House!”

Top 20 worst pop songs ever (cont’d)

How do you pick Peter Cetera’s worst? No doubt he MUST be included on this list. After studying on it some, to quote Karl Childers, I selected “The Glory of Love,” from “The Karate Kid” sequel. Next up: R. Kelly’s “I Believe I Can Fly,” which is basically “The Wind Beneath My Wings” as interpreted by a little girl lovin’ watersports aficionado.

They join:

*”Summer Girls” — LFO
*”Waiting for a Star to Fall” — Boy Meets Girl
*”Tonight, Tonight, Tonight” — Genesis
*”All That She Wants” — Ace of Base
*”The Greatest Love of All” — Whitney Houston

70s trailer du jour

"The French Connection"

Cap du jour

You may never forgive me for this one (the former Mr. Liza Minnelli — David Gest — reenacts Madonna’s “Cherish” video).

The time I met David Halberstam

I came across a handful of famous people during my brief stint as a valet parker. There was Evander Holyfield, a world class chump who didn’t tip (and I was all prepared to keep quiet about the two women he was nuzzling, neither of whom was his wife). I was left to wonder if the joint Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes left in the ashtray of her sports car was meant as a gratuity. No such questions about former Hawks coach Lenny Wilkens, who placed a hundered dollar bill in my hand the day before Christmas Eve.

He might not have been as generous, but David Halberstam, who died yesterday, was just as classy. I think he was surprised that I recognized him, considering my line of work. He was even more surprised that I didn’t recognize his dinner companion.

“Would you like to meet Bob Gibson?” he asked, not knowing I was a huge baseball fan. It was cordial and brief, but it meant a lot to me.

Halberstam was one of the best reporters of his generation, chronicling generals and athletes with equal aplomb. Fitting that he died on the job, on his way to an interview with famed New York Giants QB Y.A. Tittle.

Hillary takes the Underground Railroad

Because her journey to the White House is every bit as monumental as Harriet Tubman’s trek:

You know this reminds me of one of my favorite American heroines, Harriet Tubman. For when she made it to freedom after having been a slave and she got to New York and she could have been so happy to just stay at home and just breathe a big sigh of relief but she kept going back down South to bring other freed slaves to freedom. And she used to say, ‘No matter what happens, keep going.’ So we’re going to keep going until we take back the White House!”

Top 20 worst pop songs ever (cont’d)

How do you pick Peter Cetera’s worst? No doubt he MUST be included on this list. After studying on it some, to quote Karl Childers, I selected “The Glory of Love,” from “The Karate Kid” sequel. Next up: R. Kelly’s “I Believe I Can Fly,” which is basically “The Wind Beneath My Wings” as interpreted by a little girl lovin’ watersports aficionado.

They join:

*”Summer Girls” — LFO
*”Waiting for a Star to Fall” — Boy Meets Girl
*”Tonight, Tonight, Tonight” — Genesis
*”All That She Wants” — Ace of Base
*”The Greatest Love of All” — Whitney Houston

You those boys that been whacking off in my tool shed?

(Via Jeff)

A Bentonville, Ark., man is seeking $20,000 from the city after his two teenage sons found a book on lesbian sex on a public library bookshelf.

He also wants the library director fired.

Earl Adams said his 14- and 16-year-old sons were “greatly disturbed” after finding the book, titled “The Whole Lesbian Sex Book.” Adams said the book caused “many sleepless nights in our house.”

According to Adams, his sons were browsing for a book on military academies when they found the lesbian how-to book.