I’d rather be at the ballpark

Yeah, I’ll be feigning interest in the Super Bowl tomorrow. Just to keep it interesting, I’ve placed some middling bets on the Bears. I’ll try to keep my cynicism in check when people go gaga over a bunch of overproduced, unfunny commercials (bring back the Budwesier “Whassup” guys). And I’ll pray that Prince doesn’t embarrass himself too badly during the halftime show. I suspect we won’t be hearing “Darling Nikki”.

Pulitzer Prize winner Thomas Boswell compiled his own list of reasons why baseball trumps football. I’ve posted them before, but they bear repeating. Here’s some of my favorites:

Bands;

Halftime with bands;

Cheerleaders at halftime with bands;

Everything George Carlin said in his famous monologue is right on. In football you blitz, bomb, spear, shiver, march and score. In baseball, you wait for a walk, take your stretch, toe the rubber, tap your spikes, play ball and run home;

Baseball has no penalties at all. A home run is a home run. You cheer. In football, on a score, you look for flags. If there’s one, who’s it on? When can we cheer? Football acts can all be repealed. Baseball acts stand forever;

Instant replays. Just when we thought there couldn’t be anything worse than penalties, we get instant replays of penalties. Talk about a bad joke. Now any play, even one with no flags, can be called back. Even a flag itself can, after five minutes of boring delay, be nullified. NFL time has entered the Twilight Zone. Nothing is real; everything is hypothetical;

Football fans tailgate before the big game. No baseball fan would have a picnic in a parking lot;

The baseball Hall of Fame is in Cooperstown, N.Y., beside James Fenimore Cooper’s Lake Glimmerglass; the football Hall of Fame is in Canton, Ohio, beside the freeway;

Baseball means Spring’s Here. Football means Winter’s Coming;

Without baseball, there’d have been no Fenway Park. Without football, there’d have been no artificial turf;

Nothing in baseball is as boring as the four hours of ABC’s “Monday Night Football”;

The best ever in each sport – Babe Ruth and Jim Brown — each represents egocentric excess. But Ruth never threw a woman out a window;

Football coaches walk across the field after the game and pretend to congratulate the opposing coach. Baseball managers head right for the beer;

and

Football is played best full of adrenaline and anger. Moderation seldom finds a place. Almost every act of baseball is a blending of effort and control; too much of either is fatal.

“When in Rome, do as you done in Milledgeville”

Hop aboard as The New York Times goes in search of Flannery O’Connor’s Georgia.

I’d rather be at the ballpark

Yeah, I’ll be feigning interest in the Super Bowl tomorrow. Just to keep it interesting, I’ve placed some middling bets on the Bears. I’ll try to keep my cynicism in check when people go gaga over a bunch of overproduced, unfunny commercials (bring back the Budwesier “Whassup” guys). And I’ll pray that Prince doesn’t embarrass himself too badly during the halftime show. I suspect we won’t be hearing “Darling Nikki”.

Pulitzer Prize winner Thomas Boswell compiled his own list of reasons why baseball trumps football. I’ve posted them before, but they bear repeating. Here’s some of my favorites:

Bands;

Halftime with bands;

Cheerleaders at halftime with bands;

Everything George Carlin said in his famous monologue is right on. In football you blitz, bomb, spear, shiver, march and score. In baseball, you wait for a walk, take your stretch, toe the rubber, tap your spikes, play ball and run home;

Baseball has no penalties at all. A home run is a home run. You cheer. In football, on a score, you look for flags. If there’s one, who’s it on? When can we cheer? Football acts can all be repealed. Baseball acts stand forever;

Instant replays. Just when we thought there couldn’t be anything worse than penalties, we get instant replays of penalties. Talk about a bad joke. Now any play, even one with no flags, can be called back. Even a flag itself can, after five minutes of boring delay, be nullified. NFL time has entered the Twilight Zone. Nothing is real; everything is hypothetical;

Football fans tailgate before the big game. No baseball fan would have a picnic in a parking lot;

The baseball Hall of Fame is in Cooperstown, N.Y., beside James Fenimore Cooper’s Lake Glimmerglass; the football Hall of Fame is in Canton, Ohio, beside the freeway;

Baseball means Spring’s Here. Football means Winter’s Coming;

Without baseball, there’d have been no Fenway Park. Without football, there’d have been no artificial turf;

Nothing in baseball is as boring as the four hours of ABC’s “Monday Night Football”;

The best ever in each sport – Babe Ruth and Jim Brown — each represents egocentric excess. But Ruth never threw a woman out a window;

Football coaches walk across the field after the game and pretend to congratulate the opposing coach. Baseball managers head right for the beer;

and

Football is played best full of adrenaline and anger. Moderation seldom finds a place. Almost every act of baseball is a blending of effort and control; too much of either is fatal.

“When in Rome, do as you done in Milledgeville”

Hop aboard as The New York Times goes in search of Flannery O’Connor’s Georgia.

Never trust a Clinton

They are so transparently opportunistic; how much more proof do you need?

“And let me add one other thing, and I want to be very clear about this,” she said. “If I had been president in October of 2002, I would not have started this war.”

Then why did you vote to authorize it, Madame Hillary? This wouldn’t have anything to do with you losing traction in polls to Obama and John Edwards, would it?

The gayest game show ever

Finally, I found it — a clip from the 1970s camp classic, “The $1.98 Beauty Show,” hosted by Rip Taylor.

Not gay enough for you? One of the judges is Wayland Flowers and Madame. Do yourself a favor and check out the contestant who appears at the three minute mark — and notice the reaction she gets from judge Mabel King, Mama from “What’s Happening!!” How could you not love the ’70s?

(Bonus clip: Madame interviews Eva Gabor)

How ’bout shortening the legislative session?

Georgia has one of the worst public education systems in the country, routinely ranking in the bottom tenth on everything from literacy to SAT scores. So what’s the solution?

A new bill in the state Legislature would allow school systems to shorten the school year and give students and their families more summer leisure time.

The Flexibility for Excellence in Education Act, sponsored by Reps. Charles Martin (R-Alpharetta) and Ron Stephens (R-Garden City), would permit school boards to cut the school year by as many as 10 days.

State law now requires 180 days of instruction. But the two lawmakers said that’s too long and summer vacation is too short. …

Stephens, who lives near the coast, said a longer summer would boost tourism spending and the sales taxes that help fund school construction.

Yeah, tourism spending is a lot more important than education. Better speed up Georgia — Alabama’s gaining fast.

The minority rules

A new poll found that 55% of Americans believe gays and lesbians should be allowed to serve openly in the military. Will that translate to policy? Hell no. The Republicans aren’t going to allow it, while the Democrats would rather masquerade as “Middle Americans” than stand on principle … or with the majority.

By comparison, 19% of the 2,337 Americans polled said gays and lesbians should be allowed to serve “only if they keep their sexual orientation a secret,” and 18% said they should “not be allowed to serve in the military at all.”