Your Legislature at work

Check out some of the bills filed for this session of the Georgia General Assembly:

• HB 1 — Outlaws abortions of all kinds;

• HB 6 — Would prohibit law-enforcement authorities from confiscating privately owned firearms “during certain emergency conditions”;

• HB 12 — Would prohibit government officials from taking action against schoolteachers or government employees who want to celebrate Christmas.

Meanwhile, Sonny’s “Do List” includes $19 million to build new boat ramps across the state, part of his “Go Fish Georgia” initiative.

The governor promises to make Georgia a “fisherman’s paradise.” Now that’s leadership!

Why not just put him on the cross?

The cover of disgraced ex-House Majority Leader Tom DeLay‘s upcoming book, “No Retreat, No Surrender,” has set off a firestorm at Penguin-owned Sentinel Publishing. Rawstory.com reports editor Bernadette Malone had pushed for an image of DeLay alongside a flag and a cross, but was overruled. Instead, the cover will show a smiling DeLay against a black backdrop.

Black like his heart.

Miserable SOB

He’s a wife beater (allegedly), cheater (screw the allegedly) and surly asshole (nothing alleged about that). On top of all that, we now know that Barry Bonds is a lying snitch:

Barry Bonds failed a test for amphetamines last season and originally blamed it on a teammate, the Daily News reported Thursday.

When first informed of the positive test, Bonds attributed it to a substance he had taken from teammate Mark Sweeney’s locker, the New York City newspaper said, citing several unnamed sources.

The idea of him breaking Hank Aaron’s career HR record turns my stomach. Let’s hope an indictment, or steroid-induced injury, interrupts his chase.

Crazy old Georgians

What is that makes Georgia’s elder statesmen lose their marbles?

First we have Ted Turner, once a delightful rogue entrepreneur, now a dictator-coddling asshole whose wit was also apparently hijacked in the Time Warner takeover. Then there’s Zell Miller, once a reform-minded moderate governor (who battled valiantly to remove the Confederate Stars and Bars from the state flag), now a fire breathing right winger.

The latest example: Jimmy Carter, a onetime champion of peace who now sees fit to blame all the world’s problems on the Jews. Fourteen more Carter Center advisers have resigned to protest his one-sided, Al Jazeera-endorsed book.

Must be something in the peaches.

We are gay and straight together …

Maybe I’m being too hard on the do-gooders at GLSEN (the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network), but No-Name Calling Week sounds like typical touchy-feely nonsense:

No Name-Calling Week 2007 will take place during the week of January 22-26, 2007. Hundreds of schools from across the country will participate by engaging in educational activities aimed at ending name-calling and verbal bullying of all kinds.

Although schools are encouraged to take part during the third week in January, educators should feel free to incorporate the No Name-Calling Week curriculum, principles, and resources at any time throughout the school year.

Has anyone ever considered that a good majority of kids are inherently cruel? Not to say bullying shouldn’t be discouraged, and punished, but name-calling will be with us forever, dumbass!

Will you watch?

To paraphrase Max from “Hart to Hart,” David Beckham is GORGEOUS! But unless the Major League Soccer import plans on taking the field in his jockstrap, I won’t be fitting the other football into my schedule.

“David Beckham will have a greater impact on soccer in America than any athlete has ever had on a sport globally,” said Timothy Leiweke, president & CEO of Anschutz Entertainment Group, which owns the Galaxy. “David is truly the only individual that can build the bridge between soccer in America and the rest of the world.”

We’ve been hearing that for decades, ever since Pele (a much better player) came to America in the 1970s. Soccer just doesn’t translate here. I won’t bore you with the usual “soccer is boring” argument, since I hear the same thing about my favored sport, baseball.

Beckham will become a bigger star, no doubt, and by this time next year we’ll all be sick of him and his Spice Girl spouse. Soccer, meanwhile, will remain an afterthought.

Proof that Clay Aiken is reincarnated

Looks like this woman (estimated to be at least 600 years old) saw him strolling naked around the village. Or perhaps she was responding to his cover of "Broken Wings."

Oh, the humanity!

Breaking rocks in the hot sun

In honor of the British prof arrested for jaywalking in Atlanta …

The real issue here: why must people walking the streets be required to produce identification? The cop I interviewed compared it to a traffic stop, but an automobile is a deadly vehicle that requires certification to operate. 

There’s something very creepy about a law enforcement official asking a pedestrian to show his or her papers.

Your Legislature at work

Check out some of the bills filed for this session of the Georgia General Assembly:

• HB 1 — Outlaws abortions of all kinds;

• HB 6 — Would prohibit law-enforcement authorities from confiscating privately owned firearms “during certain emergency conditions”;

• HB 12 — Would prohibit government officials from taking action against schoolteachers or government employees who want to celebrate Christmas.

Meanwhile, Sonny’s “Do List” includes $19 million to build new boat ramps across the state, part of his “Go Fish Georgia” initiative.

The governor promises to make Georgia a “fisherman’s paradise.” Now that’s leadership!

Why not just put him on the cross?

The cover of disgraced ex-House Majority Leader Tom DeLay‘s upcoming book, “No Retreat, No Surrender,” has set off a firestorm at Penguin-owned Sentinel Publishing. Rawstory.com reports editor Bernadette Malone had pushed for an image of DeLay alongside a flag and a cross, but was overruled. Instead, the cover will show a smiling DeLay against a black backdrop.

Black like his heart.

Miserable SOB

He’s a wife beater (allegedly), cheater (screw the allegedly) and surly asshole (nothing alleged about that). On top of all that, we now know that Barry Bonds is a lying snitch:

Barry Bonds failed a test for amphetamines last season and originally blamed it on a teammate, the Daily News reported Thursday.

When first informed of the positive test, Bonds attributed it to a substance he had taken from teammate Mark Sweeney’s locker, the New York City newspaper said, citing several unnamed sources.

The idea of him breaking Hank Aaron’s career HR record turns my stomach. Let’s hope an indictment, or steroid-induced injury, interrupts his chase.

Crazy old Georgians

What is that makes Georgia’s elder statesmen lose their marbles?

First we have Ted Turner, once a delightful rogue entrepreneur, now a dictator-coddling asshole whose wit was also apparently hijacked in the Time Warner takeover. Then there’s Zell Miller, once a reform-minded moderate governor (who battled valiantly to remove the Confederate Stars and Bars from the state flag), now a fire breathing right winger.

The latest example: Jimmy Carter, a onetime champion of peace who now sees fit to blame all the world’s problems on the Jews. Fourteen more Carter Center advisers have resigned to protest his one-sided, Al Jazeera-endorsed book.

Must be something in the peaches.

Will you watch?

To paraphrase Max from “Hart to Hart,” David Beckham is GORGEOUS! But unless the Major League Soccer import plans on taking the field in his jockstrap, I won’t be fitting the other football into my schedule.

“David Beckham will have a greater impact on soccer in America than any athlete has ever had on a sport globally,” said Timothy Leiweke, president & CEO of Anschutz Entertainment Group, which owns the Galaxy. “David is truly the only individual that can build the bridge between soccer in America and the rest of the world.”

We’ve been hearing that for decades, ever since Pele (a much better player) came to America in the 1970s. Soccer just doesn’t translate here. I won’t bore you with the usual “soccer is boring” argument, since I hear the same thing about my favored sport, baseball.

Beckham will become a bigger star, no doubt, and by this time next year we’ll all be sick of him and his Spice Girl spouse. Soccer, meanwhile, will remain an afterthought.

Bloated love

Back by popular demand — a rare studio outtake of Elvis singing Burning Love.

Guess which one’s the human

My favorite 70s-era troll, Paul Williams, performs with Muppets — I tried in vain to procure an autographed picture of the former game show mainstay from the wall behind the bar at my favorite Hollywood nightspot, Boardners. I would’ve treasured it.