Today in Iraq

Revenge-seeking militiamen seized six Sunnis as they left Friday prayers and burned them alive with kerosene in a savage new twist to the brutality shaking the Iraqi capital a day after suspected Sunni insurgents killed 215 people in Baghdad’s main Shiite district.

Iraqi soldiers at a nearby army post failed to intervene in Friday’s assault by suspected members of the Shiite Mahdi Army militia or subsequent attacks that killed at least 19 other Sunnis, including women and children, in the same neighborhood, the volatile Hurriyah district in northwest Baghdad, said police Capt. Jamil Hussein.

Most of the thousands of dead bodies that have been found dumped across Baghdad and other cities in central Iraq in recent months have been of victims who were tortured and then shot to death, according to police. The suspected militia killers often have used electric drills on their captives’ bodies before killing them. The bodies are frequently decapitated.

But burning victims alive introduced a new method of brutality that was likely to be reciprocated by the other sect as the Shiites and Sunnis continue killing one another in unprecedented numbers. The gruesome attack, which came despite a curfew in Baghdad, capped a day in which at least 87 people were killed or found dead in sectarian violence across Iraq.

All that’s missing is a singing fat lady. I hear Liza Minnelli’s available.

Attica! Attica!

The great Hank Azaria (Comic Book Guy, Chief Wiggum, Duffman, Carl Carlson, Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel, Snake) says he derived bartender Moe Szyslak‘s voice from Al Pacino in "Dog Day Afternoon" — watch here.

(Azaria also played Frank Grimes in one of my favorite episodes.)

 

11,806 people who really need to get a life

That’s how many have voted in an US Weekly poll asking whether Nicole Richie is better off without stylist Rachel Zoe. So now the stylists to anorexic scions of washed-up pop singers are famous, too?

America, fuck ya!

Noted and quoted, everyone’s a victim edition

"Our clients were vulnerable. He went after them. He singled them out and he taunted them, and he did it in a closed room where they were captive."

–Gloria Allred, referring to the two black guys insulted by Michael Richards. How exactly were the soon-to-be plaintiffs vulnerable?

I’m starting to feel sorry for Kramer.

*This wasn’t the first time Richards lost it on stage. Here (at about the four-and-a-half minute mark) he gets into an unrehearsed brawl with Andy Kaufman on the old "SNL" knock off, "Fridays" (featuring a brief appearance by a young Larry David just before the end of the clip).   

Never trust a neutralist

Apparently they lack context and perspective. LA Times columnist Erin Aubry Kaplan writes that she still doesn’t know if O.J. murdered his ex-wife and Ron Goldman (she’s a Simpson “neutralist”), but this much she does know: Michael Richards should be every bit as villified as the former football star. Now let’s all give a collective “huh?”

Of course, the O.J. indignation is driven in large part by racial indignation: the idea that a black man may have killed a white woman and gotten away with it. That’s a violation of decorum and social law that white America cannot tolerate, whatever the findings of a court — and that fact sealed O.J.’s fate long before the announcement and subsequent disappearance of “If I Did It.”

Um, the idea that any man may have killed any woman and gotten away with it is pretty much a violation of decorum and social law.

(T)he reality is that there is far more tolerance for a white person’s unseemly behavior than for similar behavior of somebody who isn’t white, especially if the unseemliness involves race. Richards’ “racist rant” has been described as a terrible but isolated incident. O.J., meanwhile, is condemned for his character.

I remember the “Senfeld” episode where Kramer was fingered as a serial killer (in Cali, no less), but I thought he was freed. Did I miss Part II?

As with most professional indignants (my word), Kaplan doesn’t let facts get in the way of her contrived outrage. Or does she not see the difference between hate speech and hate action (are we now equating insults with homicide)?

The Plank sums it up best: “(C)ondemning people for their character doesn’t seem so bad when the they are, you know, double murderers.”

Horny old men make me laugh

My grandfather was one, hitting on much younger nurses even as he lay dying. And so is Larry Munson. For out-of-state readers, Munson, 84, is the longtime voice of Georgia football. He loves movies and sexy young ladies and has found a way to incorporate both into a Sunday afternoon routine, Larry’s movie club:

“I had a couple of guys who fish with me who scouted girls for this group … and recently I had rehab on my knee and I went for months to the clinic. I saw six [female employees] there I put in the group.”

Why are looks important?

“I don’t know,” he replied. “It’s better to have them attractive, but more than anything else, they are good kids.”

And, oh ya, they’re attractive.

“One of the swimmers was put on the [invitation] list, and I hope she comes today because she is literally stunning,” he said before the movie began. “I wish she could come so you could see her.”

Purell or die!

A bloody brawl erupted outside a tavern after one customer thought another failed to wash his hands after using the bathroom, according to police.

One man was hospitalized with stab wounds. Another was arrested on suspicion of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

According to a police report, the fight broke out Thursday after Eric Jennings Kisiah, 27, became upset about a customer’s apparent hygiene failure at the Tumbleweeds Sports Bar.

Witnesses told police Kisiah confronted the customer and two of his friends, calling them names, telling them they were dirty and threatening to "slash their throats."

Kisiah then hid near a shrub outside the bar and charged the group as they left, the police report said.

11,806 people who really need to get a life

That’s how many have voted in an US Weekly poll asking whether Nicole Richie is better off without stylist Rachel Zoe. So now the stylists to anorexic scions of washed-up pop singers are famous, too?

America, fuck ya!

Never trust a neutralist

Apparently they lack context and perspective. LA Times columnist Erin Aubry Kaplan writes that she still doesn’t know if O.J. murdered his ex-wife and Ron Goldman (she’s a Simpson "neutralist"), but this much she does know: Michael Richards should be every bit as villified as the former football star. Now let’s all give a collective "huh?"

Of course, the O.J. indignation is driven in large part by racial indignation: the idea that a black man may have killed a white woman and gotten away with it. That’s a violation of decorum and social law that white America cannot tolerate, whatever the findings of a court — and that fact sealed O.J.’s fate long before the announcement and subsequent disappearance of "If I Did It."

Um, the idea that any man may have killed any woman and gotten away with it is pretty much a violation of decorum and social law.

(T)he reality is that there is far more tolerance for a white person’s unseemly behavior than for similar behavior of somebody who isn’t white, especially if the unseemliness involves race. Richards’ "racist rant" has been described as a terrible but isolated incident. O.J., meanwhile, is condemned for his character.

I remember the "Senfeld" episode where Kramer was fingered as a serial killer (in Cali, no less), but I thought he was freed. Did I miss Part II?

As with most professional indignants (my word), Kaplan doesn’t let facts get in the way of her contrived outrage. Or does she not see the difference between hate speech and hate action (are we now equating insults with homicide)?

The Plank sums it up best: "(C)ondemning people for their character doesn’t seem so bad when the they are, you know, double murderers."

Horny old men make me laugh

My grandfather was one, hitting on much younger nurses even as he lay dying. And so is Larry Munson. For out-of-state readers, Munson, 84, is the longtime voice of Georgia football. He loves movies and sexy young ladies and has found a way to incorporate both into a Sunday afternoon routine, Larry’s movie club:

"I had a couple of guys who fish with me who scouted girls for this group … and recently I had rehab on my knee and I went for months to the clinic. I saw six [female employees] there I put in the group."

Why are looks important?

"I don’t know," he replied. "It’s better to have them attractive, but more than anything else, they are good kids."

And, oh ya, they’re attractive.

"One of the swimmers was put on the [invitation] list, and I hope she comes today because she is literally stunning," he said before the movie began. "I wish she could come so you could see her."

Don’t Worry Baby

Quite possibly the most sublime song ever recorded.

It came from 1985

Rick James, backing up Eddie Murphy?

Cocaine’s a helluva drug.

(Here’s the late Mister James solo, in all his raunchy glory.)

Not worth considering

I loved “Waiting for Guffman.” I really liked “Best in Show.” I liked “A Mighty Wind.”

“For Your Consideration,” however, left me cold. The peerless ensemble cobbled together by Christopher Guest may have reached the end of the line with their latest, a barely realized shadow of its predecessors.

Strangely, these showbiz vets seem to understand Middle America better than Hollywood (see: “Guffman,” “Best in Show”). “Consideration” seems like an afterthought, a decent premise — reflecting on the vapid power of buzz — poorly executed. There’s some solid laughs, but the characters, despite the talented people inhabiting them, don’t leave much of an impression.

Grade: C+

(Here’s a bizarre short about menopause, featuring Catherine O’Hara and Andrea Martin, that first appeared on the old Letterman show in 1985.)