“I was born in Hokkaido and I’ll die there, too”

From The Onion:

Impressive New Honda Inspires John Mellencamp To Write Song About Japan

The high quality and enduring value of the new 2007 Honda Accord has inspired roots-rock veteran John Mellencamp to write a stirring hymn about the working-class nation of Japan. “Oh, you noble land of the rising sun/Where discipline and duty are still number one,” Mellencamp sings in the video for “Buddha On The Highway,” in which he is seen playing his guitar on the hood of a bright orange Accord parked in a terraced rice paddy.

And the nominee for next minor celebrity to come out of the closet is …

Billy Squier could use the publicity, and he’s an even more obvious poofer than Lance Bass. Or have you forgotten 1984′s “Rock Me Tonite?”

Red in the state

“Borat” savages Jews, homosexuals, New Yorkers, celebrities … but how dare he poke fun at Middle America!

Some prudish conservative chick named Debbie Schlussel writes how offended she was by Sacha Baron Cohen’s
“mean-spirited attack on America … Red State America.”

She complains about one scene in which the Kazakhstani pseudojournalist visits a rodeo, where the fans are depicted as "anti-Muslim racists, bigots, and dummies." Well, that’s because some of them were in fact anti-Muslim racists, bigots and dummies. I don’t want to give anything away, but the camera doesn’t lie, and Cohen doesn’t put words in people’s mouths.

Sure, it’s annoying when the rest of the world looks down their nose at America, but I contend more Americans should look down their nose at each other. In case you haven’t noticed, our culture isn’t exactly evolving (and this has nothing to do with politics).

Oh, I forgot, we should never make fun of blessed America and its most righteous inhabitants, those noble red staters. Who knew the Heartland was so senstive?

Won’t someone please think of the children?

Seriously. In Georgia there’s no law against keeping a loaded gun safely out of a child’s reach. It doesn’t have to be locked up, or even hidden. Yet one more thing the rest of the nation must envy about the Peach State:

A 5-year-old Cherokee County girl died Sunday afternoon a few hours after being shot in the head by her 3-year-old brother.

Morgan King was pronounced dead after being airlifted to Children’s Hospital of Atlanta, said Cherokee County Sheriff’s Office Cpl. Nicole Ebbeskotte. Morgan had been shot around 2 p.m. after her brother found the gun in his parents’ bedroom. …

Ebbeskotte said it was unlikely any criminal charges would be filed in the case. "Nothing in Georgia law says a gun has to be in a locked area and this was not just left out in plain view," she said.

I’m not going to hold the NRA responsible for Morgan King’s death, but rest assured the gun lobby would do everything in its power to block sensible legislation that might’ve made her parents think twice about keeping a loaded weapon under their mattress.

Sonny done did a lot

Angry old man Zell Miller busts the hyperbole meter in this ad for incumbent Sonny Perdue (who, according to Zell, has made Georgia the “envy of the rest of the nation.”) Well, maybe Arkansas envies us, and Alabama …

As you watch the election returns tomorrow night and see Sonny returned to office — where he’ll no doubt continue to turn a tidy profit — remember to blame state Democrats, who chose the unelectable Mark Taylor over Cathy Cox in their primary. The latter could’ve given Sonny a decent run, I think, but “The Big Guy” never stood a chance.

Sonny done did a lot

Angry old man Zell Miller busts the hyperbole meter in this ad for incumbent Sonny Perdue (who, according to Zell, has made Georgia the “envy of the rest of the nation.”) Well, maybe Arkansas envies us, and Alabama …

As you watch the election returns tomorrow night and see Sonny returned to office — where he’ll no doubt continue to turn a tidy profit — remember to blame state Democrats, who chose the unelectable Mark Taylor over Cathy Cox in their primary. The latter could’ve given Sonny a decent run, I think, but “The Big Guy” never stood a chance.

The blogosphere says what?

Well folks it’s certainly been a weekend to remember, but not in a good way. I’ve finally stopped crying long enough to record my thoughts.

Friday night Randy and I went to see "Borat," and I don’t see what all the fuss is about. Give me Adam Sandler or Robin Williams any day! Okay, there were a few funny scenes, but only a few. I don’t like mean-spirited comedy, and believe me "Borat" is a poopyhead … LITERALLY! I couldn’t believe Randy was laughing so hard. I wanted to see "Man of the Year" but Rand-O overruled me, and I’m sorry he did.

We argued about the movie afterwards and I started crying so we just went home and went to bed. Check that, I went to bed, he went to the couch. So the next morning I felt a little guilty, ’cause you know how bullheaded I can be. Who, me? Ha ha!

So I made my famous waffles, which I hadn’t done in so long. You go, Aunt Jemima! Anyway, Randy was all appreciative and stuff until he asked for the jelly. I mean, who puts jelly on waffles? I told him we didn’t have any, and he started pouting, like he so often does. First of all, only an idiot would put jelly on one of my sorta homemade waffles. Well, that didn’t go over too well. He called my judgemental, which really made me upset.

We called a truce and watched “Dancing with the Stars” on TiVo. And wouldn’t you know it, we had another fight. He actually thinks Joey Lawrence is sexier than Mario Lopez! Hellllo? Joey Lawrence is like totally bald. Don’t get me wrong, bald people can be sexy but Blossom’s bro just can’t pull it off. Mario Lopez, meanwhile — Mamma mia, gives me some of that!

You’ll be glad to know that Randy and I finally made up. We made it through the rain, as someone once sang. Hope you guys didn’t get “rained on, too” this weekend.

Hugs and kisses :<)

The blogosphere says what?

Well folks it’s certainly been a weekend to remember, but not in a good way. I’ve finally stopped crying long enough to record my thoughts.

Friday night Randy and I went to see "Borat," and I don’t see what all the fuss is about. Give me Adam Sandler or Robin Williams any day! Okay, there were a few funny scenes, but only a few. I don’t like mean-spirited comedy, and believe me "Borat" is a poopyhead … LITERALLY! I couldn’t believe Randy was laughing so hard. I wanted to see "Man of the Year" but Rand-O overruled me, and I’m sorry he did.

We argued about the movie afterwards and I started crying so we just went home and went to bed. Check that, I went to bed, he went to the couch. So the next morning I felt a little guilty, ’cause you know how bullheaded I can be. Who, me? Ha ha!

So I made my famous waffles, which I hadn’t done in so long. You go, Aunt Jemima! Anyway, Randy was all appreciative and stuff until he asked for the jelly. I mean, who puts jelly on waffles? I told him we didn’t have any, and he started pouting, like he so often does. First of all, only an idiot would put jelly on one of my sorta homemade waffles. Well, that didn’t go over too well. He called my judgemental, which really made me upset.

We called a truce and watched “Dancing with the Stars” on TiVo. And wouldn’t you know it, we had another fight. He actually thinks Joey Lawrence is sexier than Mario Lopez! Hellllo? Joey Lawrence is like totally bald. Don’t get me wrong, bald people can be sexy but Blossom’s bro just can’t pull it off. Mario Lopez, meanwhile — Mamma mia, gives me some of that!

You’ll be glad to know that Randy and I finally made up. We made it through the rain, as someone once sang. Hope you guys didn’t get “rained on, too” this weekend.

Hugs and kisses :<)

It came from 1986

God I hated pop metal — and this song in particular (GTR’s “When the Heart Rules the Mind”)

It came from 1986

God I hated pop metal — and this song in particular (GTR’s “When the Heart Rules the Mind”)

It came from 1986

God I hated pop metal — and this song in particular (GTR’s "When the Heart Rules the Mind")

It came from 1986

God I hated pop metal — and this song in particular (GTR’s "When the Heart Rules the Mind")

The last word on T-Hag

Well stated by Andrew Sullivan:

For those who still – amazingly – believe that being gay is somehow a “choice,” consider Haggard. If he could have chosen not to be gay, don’t you think he would have? Even though he apparently believes being gay is “repulsive and dark” (while it is, in fact, just another wonderful way to be human), he still cannot prevail against it. It is integral to him. It has been “all of [his] adult life”.

One day, he may realize, and I pray he does, that the only dark and repulsive thing is the closet, the betrayal of his wife and children, the destruction of a church, and the demonization of others in the same boat – all as a function of his own inability to face the truth. What is dark and repulsive is dishonesty.

There is no commandment not to be gay. There is a commandment not to bear false witness.

The last word on T-Hag

Well stated by Andrew Sullivan:

For those who still – amazingly – believe that being gay is somehow a "choice," consider Haggard. If he could have chosen not to be gay, don’t you think he would have? Even though he apparently believes being gay is "repulsive and dark" (while it is, in fact, just another wonderful way to be human), he still cannot prevail against it. It is integral to him. It has been "all of [his] adult life".

One day, he may realize, and I pray he does, that the only dark and repulsive thing is the closet, the betrayal of his wife and children, the destruction of a church, and the demonization of others in the same boat – all as a function of his own inability to face the truth. What is dark and repulsive is dishonesty.

There is no commandment not to be gay. There is a commandment not to bear false witness.