Soft rockin’ with Jesus

Made a pilgrimage to the land of khaki today, which included an hour at the megachurch (fortunately, not as grand as the one pictured) my sister attends. It was my dad’s birthday, so I was more accommodating than usual, even though I’m so far out of my element I might as well be in Baghdad. Megachurch_2

The church is decidedly apolitical, so there’s no screeds against fags or abortionists, but the slickness is just as nauseating, starting with the Christian rock that could pass for Third Eye Blind:

"All we have to do to make Christian songs is take regular old songs and add Jesus stuff to them. All we have to do is cross out words like "baby" and "darling" and replace them with Jesus." — Eric Cartman

"You’re not making Christianity better, you’re making rock and roll worse." — Hank Hill

Adding insult to mediocrity, they made us stand up through the four-song set, showing no pity for the hungover.

Then came a slickly produced short film that borrowed heavily from "Men in Black." It was supposed to illustrate the sermon to follow, but the connection was vague. At least we were spared a Jeff Foxworthy cameo (he’s a member). All this must’ve cost at least five grand, money that could’ve been better spent.

They probably wasted another couple of thousand on the graphic for "Twisted," the theme of the message, complete with screeching guitars. Wicked, dude!

The sermon was milquetoast and simplistic. We must, as Paul wrote, submit to authority, even if we disagree. Fortunately, no one ever told that to Martin Luther King.

I don’t want to get too arch, because there’s a large audience for what they’re selling. Is it what God wants? You’re asking the wrong guy.

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