American spectacle

I watched with equal parts awe and disgust as John Mark Karr expertly deflected softballs on "Larry King Live" Monday night. Is there a bigger patsy on TV? God bless him, he was probably dazed by his own flatulence — rumor has it Larry is prone to passing gas uncontrollably — but I’ve never seen anyone less prepared and more overmatched. There were only two questions to ask JMK:

*If you didn’t kill JonBenet Ramsey, why did you say you did?;

*What is your fascination with little girls? You married a 13-year-old when you were 19 (call me, Larry, I’ve got the documents, and I interviewed the bride. She doesn’t paint a pretty picture. Maybe you should’ve had a producer read the court filing — it’s called research).

Larry asked neither. JMK wouldn’t have answered, anyway, "on the advice of counsel." Then why have him on your show? Why give him a platform? 

Larry interviewed Karr as if he were the innocent victim of an overzealous prosecutor. Damn the confession — JMK said he never made it, even though it was recorded on tape. Naturally, Larry didn’t press. Ever wonder why he gets all the big interviews? 

(Demonstrating that he’s memorized the playbook, Karr blamed the media for reporting what he said.)

Oh yeah, and he’s considering writing a book, and fielding movie offers — he’s even hired an entertainment attorney. Finally, he wants everyone to know he’s not a pedophile, although it’s clear he is. Or maybe he just played one on TV, proving again that if you want fame bad enough, it’s there for the taking.    

(Bad news for us locals: Karr said he’s moving back to Atlanta, claiming "he’ll hold his head high." Parents, hide your daughters.)

Next, we have Madonna, who just abducted a one-year-old African boy as an accessory. The Material Cunt (I use the word advisedly) was defended by the usual array of entertainment media whores celebrating her entitlement. Forget that she avoids the rules of adoption. She’s Madonna. She shouldn’t have to explain her actions, or follow precedent.

And who really cares if she wants to exploit Africa by pimping her money grubbing cult? She’s the Golden Calf. Let us all bow down before Her Excellence (gay people, please reconsider your blind allegiance).   

I hope Islamic extremists weren’t watching cable news tonight, because they’ve been given plenty of fodder for their next propaganda video.

American spectacle

I watched with equal parts awe and disgust as John Mark Karr expertly deflected softballs on "Larry King Live" Monday night. Is there a bigger patsy on TV? God bless him, he was probably dazed by his own flatulence — rumor has it Larry is prone to passing gas uncontrollably — but I’ve never seen anyone less prepared and more overmatched. There were only two questions to ask JMK:

*If you didn’t kill JonBenet Ramsey, why did you say you did?;

*What is your fascination with little girls? You married a 13-year-old when you were 19 (call me, Larry, I’ve got the documents, and I interviewed the bride. She doesn’t paint a pretty picture. Maybe you should’ve had a producer read the court filing — it’s called research).

Larry asked neither. JMK wouldn’t have answered, anyway, "on the advice of counsel." Then why have him on your show? Why give him a platform? 

Larry interviewed Karr as if he were the innocent victim of an overzealous prosecutor. Damn the confession — JMK said he never made it, even though it was recorded on tape. Naturally, Larry didn’t press. Ever wonder why he gets all the big interviews? 

(Demonstrating that he’s memorized the playbook, Karr blamed the media for reporting what he said.)

Oh yeah, and he’s considering writing a book, and fielding movie offers — he’s even hired an entertainment attorney. Finally, he wants everyone to know he’s not a pedophile, although it’s clear he is. Or maybe he just played one on TV, proving again that if you want fame bad enough, it’s there for the taking.    

(Bad news for us locals: Karr said he’s moving back to Atlanta, claiming "he’ll hold his head high." Parents, hide your daughters.)

Next, we have Madonna, who just abducted a one-year-old African boy as an accessory. The Material Cunt (I use the word advisedly) was defended by the usual array of entertainment media whores celebrating her entitlement. Forget that she avoids the rules of adoption. She’s Madonna. She shouldn’t have to explain her actions, or follow precedent.

And who really cares if she wants to exploit Africa by pimping her money grubbing cult? She’s the Golden Calf. Let us all bow down before Her Excellence (gay people, please reconsider your blind allegiance).   

I hope Islamic extremists weren’t watching cable news tonight, because they’ve been given plenty of fodder for their next propaganda video.

The blogosphere says what?

Inspired by The Onion’s Jackie Harvey, even if I didn’t know it.

So how was everyone’s weekend? Mine was fantastic! Saturday I went to the Taste of Atlanta and ate like soooo much food. I’m still full! I tried Indian food for the first time — why didn’t anyone tell me how spicy it was! My tongue swelled up and I started sweating and got really nervous. I swear ya’ll I thought I was going to have a heart attack right there at Atlantic Station! They’re lucky I don’t sue them, I mean, they should have a warning, like BEWARE: SPICY FOOD!

After I recovered we went to this other tent where the chef was scumpdiddlyicious — did I spell that right :) I kinda sorta flirted with him but my face was all flushed from that poppy Indian food and I was all bloated and stuff. Like sucks sometimes!

To take my mind off it, I went to my favorite store in the whole universe, Abercrombie. Okay, go ahead and laugh people, but I just don’t go there for the eye candy. The clothes are bangin’ — got me a killer vintage rugby shirt and some classic logo tees. I must say, I look hot! But not as hot as that chef!

Okay, so, where was I. Randy says I’m always forgettin stuff because I’ve got too much going on in my life. I’m like always stressed, but I’ll sleep when I’m dead, you know. Okay so Sunday starts with some housecleaning — there was this gross mold in my shower that I could not get up. YUCK! I scrubbed for hours. Every bone in my body ached. I swear I thought I was going to die!

Anyways, Randy and I went to this David Sedaries, or whatever, concert Sunday night. He’s like a writer and stuff but I was all excited because he Amy’s brother. You know, the Strangers with Candy woman? She’s a scream. I have to say, the show was okay but kind of boring. It was just a guy reading for two hours. And some of the things he said were kind of mean. He’s supposed to be gay but he didn’t talk about shopping or Cher or La Lohan or any of the good stuff. I told Randy we should’ve gone to see “Employee of the Month” instead. God I can’t wait to see that movie. Looks hilarious!

I’m so excited today. Diddy’s new album is coming out. Is there anything he can’t do. What a role model! And you know what else Monday means — an all new “Bachelor.” Why can’t I be one of the lucky Bachelorettes? Maybe that’ll put me in a better mood. All this drizzle makes me feel sad.

It’s like the song says, rainy days and Mondays always get me down :<(

The blogosphere says what?

Inspired by The Onion’s Jackie Harvey, even if I didn’t know it.

So how was everyone’s weekend? Mine was fantastic! Saturday I went to the Taste of Atlanta and ate like soooo much food. I’m still full! I tried Indian food for the first time — why didn’t anyone tell me how spicy it was! My tongue swelled up and I started sweating and got really nervous. I swear ya’ll I thought I was going to have a heart attack right there at Atlantic Station! They’re lucky I don’t sue them, I mean, they should have a warning, like BEWARE: SPICY FOOD!

After I recovered we went to this other tent where the chef was scumpdiddlyicious — did I spell that right :) I kinda sorta flirted with him but my face was all flushed from that poppy Indian food and I was all bloated and stuff. Like sucks sometimes!

To take my mind off it, I went to my favorite store in the whole universe, Abercrombie. Okay, go ahead and laugh people, but I just don’t go there for the eye candy. The clothes are bangin’ — got me a killer vintage rugby shirt and some classic logo tees. I must say, I look hot! But not as hot as that chef!

Okay, so, where was I. Randy says I’m always forgettin stuff because I’ve got too much going on in my life. I’m like always stressed, but I’ll sleep when I’m dead, you know. Okay so Sunday starts with some housecleaning — there was this gross mold in my shower that I could not get up. YUCK! I scrubbed for hours. Every bone in my body ached. I swear I thought I was going to die!

Anyways, Randy and I went to this David Sedaries, or whatever, concert Sunday night. He’s like a writer and stuff but I was all excited because he Amy’s brother. You know, the Strangers with Candy woman? She’s a scream. I have to say, the show was okay but kind of boring. It was just a guy reading for two hours. And some of the things he said were kind of mean. He’s supposed to be gay but he didn’t talk about shopping or Cher or La Lohan or any of the good stuff. I told Randy we should’ve gone to see “Employee of the Month” instead. God I can’t wait to see that movie. Looks hilarious!

I’m so excited today. Diddy’s new album is coming out. Is there anything he can’t do. What a role model! And you know what else Monday means — an all new “Bachelor.” Why can’t I be one of the lucky Bachelorettes? Maybe that’ll put me in a better mood. All this drizzle makes me feel sad.

It’s like the song says, rainy days and Mondays always get me down :<(

I double dog dare you

You’ve probably seen excerpts of former AG and amateur tunesmith John Ashcroft singing "Let the Eagle Soar." But have you ever watched the complete version? Prepare yourself for the five of the most gut-wrenching minutes man has ever known — as excruciating as Adam Sandler’s "Hanukkah Song."

In defense of gay bashing

A board member of an organization whose "research" is often cited by the fundamentalist right as proof that homosexuals can change argues that bullying is a good deterrent to "aberrant" behavior:

One psychiatrist called for allowing schoolchildren to shame and ridicule classmates who don’t act according to stereotypical gender roles. Another board member, a therapist, asserted that slaves may have been better off in chains than in "savage" Africa.

This from the National Assn. for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality, which positions itself as a scientific group dedicated to helping gay men and lesbians shed same-sex attractions and realize their "heterosexual potential."

At issue are comments by Canadian psychiatrist Joseph Berger and New York psychotherapist Gerald Schoenewolf.

In a blog on NARTH’s website, Berger expressed disgust with a Northern California school that accommodated a cross-dressing kindergartner and other children with "gender-variant" behaviors. Berger said that instead of teaching tolerance, schools should "let the other children ridicule" boys and girls who don’t conform.

Schoenewolf’s essay on political correctness not only seemed to justify slavery, it also denounced the gay-rights movement as "mob rule." Using explicit language, Schoenewolf asserted that "the entire planet has now been forced to agree that [homosexuality] is normal."

"It is a mistake for various interfering, ignorant and biased busybodies to try to ‘counsel’ the other children into accepting the abnormal," Berger wrote. "It is very healthy to be able to draw the line between what is healthy and what is sick."

It should be noted that James Dobson, the most powerful figure of the Christian far right, has affirmed his support for NARTH’s president, who said he intends to keep Berger and Schoenewolf on the association’s board.

Noted and quoted, the smoke gets in your ass edition

“He reminds me of one of those guys at the gym who plays about 40 chessboards at once.”

–White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, speaking about his boss in The New York Times. (Funny, I would’ve figured Bush could play at least 50 chessboards at once.)

Snow goes on to say working in the White House is “the most exciting, intellectually aerobic job I’m ever going to have.” On the nature of the American soul after 9/11: “There is an ember of greatness burning in every heart.”

I trust Tony can name his price at Harlequin after his current gig expires.

Dobson’s choice: The governor of Massachusetts?

This gives you some idea of what a strange presidential election awaits in 2008. With George Allen self-destructing and Rick Santorum headed for defeat in Pennslyvania, it appears the the governor of left-leaning Massachusetts is poised to emerge as the standard bearer for the fundamentalist right.

He certainly speaks their language:

“The price of same-sex marriage is paid by the children,” said Mitt Romney during a brief but peppy speech from Boston during a forum hosted by the Family Research Council. “The child’s development is enhanced by the nurturing of parents of both genders. Every child deserves a mother and a father.”

Won’t someone please think of the children?

(One potential roadblock for Romney? He’s a Mormon, and most fundamentalist Christians believe Mormons are a cult, and thus going to Hell, along with the Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Episcopalians … )

“There are no people with physical defects in North Korea”

And why is this?

The North Korean regime’s obsession with racial purity has led to the killing of disabled infants and forced abortions for women suspected of conceiving their babies by Chinese fathers, according to a growing body of testimony from defectors.

The latest description of Kim Jong-il’s policy of state eugenics came from a North Korean doctor, Ri Kwang-chol, who escaped last year and told a forum in Seoul that babies with deformities were killed soon after birth.

The blogosphere says what?

Inspired by The Onion’s Jackie Harvey, even if I didn’t know it.

So how was everyone’s weekend? Mine was fantastic! Saturday I went to the Taste of Atlanta and ate like soooo much food. I’m still full! I tried Indian food for the first time — why didn’t anyone tell me how spicy it was! My tongue swelled up and I started sweating and got really nervous. I swear ya’ll I thought I was going to have a heart attack right there at Atlantic Station! They’re lucky I don’t sue them, I mean, they should have a warning, like BEWARE: SPICY FOOD!

After I recovered we went to this other tent where the chef was scumpdiddlyicious — did I spell that right :) I kinda sorta flirted with him but my face was all flushed from that poppy Indian food and I was all bloated and stuff. Like sucks sometimes!

To take my mind off it, I went to my favorite store in the whole universe, Abercrombie. Okay, go ahead and laugh people, but I just don’t go there for the eye candy. The clothes are bangin’ — got me a killer vintage rugby shirt and some classic logo tees. I must say, I look hot! But not as hot as that chef!

Okay, so, where was I. Randy says I’m always forgettin stuff because I’ve got too much going on in my life. I’m like always stressed, but I’ll sleep when I’m dead, you know. Okay so Sunday starts with some housecleaning — there was this gross mold in my shower that I could not get up. YUCK! I scrubbed for hours. Every bone in my body ached. I swear I thought I was going to die!

Anyways, Randy and I went to this David Sedaries, or whatever, concert Sunday night. He’s like a writer and stuff but I was all excited because he Amy’s brother. You know, the Strangers with Candy woman? She’s a scream. I have to say, the show was okay but kind of boring. It was just a guy reading for two hours. And some of the things he said were kind of mean. He’s supposed to be gay but he didn’t talk about shopping or Cher or La Lohan or any of the good stuff. I told Randy we should’ve gone to see “Employee of the Month” instead. God I can’t wait to see that movie. Looks hilarious!

I’m so excited today. Diddy’s new album is coming out. Is there anything he can’t do. What a role model! And you know what else Monday means — an all new “Bachelor.” Why can’t I be one of the lucky Bachelorettes? Maybe that’ll put me in a better mood. All this drizzle makes me feel sad.

It’s like the song says, rainy days and Mondays always get me down :<(

The blogosphere says what?

Inspired by The Onion’s Jackie Harvey, even if I didn’t know it.

So how was everyone’s weekend? Mine was fantastic! Saturday I went to the Taste of Atlanta and ate like soooo much food. I’m still full! I tried Indian food for the first time — why didn’t anyone tell me how spicy it was! My tongue swelled up and I started sweating and got really nervous. I swear ya’ll I thought I was going to have a heart attack right there at Atlantic Station! They’re lucky I don’t sue them, I mean, they should have a warning, like BEWARE: SPICY FOOD!

After I recovered we went to this other tent where the chef was scumpdiddlyicious — did I spell that right :) I kinda sorta flirted with him but my face was all flushed from that poppy Indian food and I was all bloated and stuff. Like sucks sometimes!

To take my mind off it, I went to my favorite store in the whole universe, Abercrombie. Okay, go ahead and laugh people, but I just don’t go there for the eye candy. The clothes are bangin’ — got me a killer vintage rugby shirt and some classic logo tees. I must say, I look hot! But not as hot as that chef!

Okay, so, where was I. Randy says I’m always forgettin stuff because I’ve got too much going on in my life. I’m like always stressed, but I’ll sleep when I’m dead, you know. Okay so Sunday starts with some housecleaning — there was this gross mold in my shower that I could not get up. YUCK! I scrubbed for hours. Every bone in my body ached. I swear I thought I was going to die!

Anyways, Randy and I went to this David Sedaries, or whatever, concert Sunday night. He’s like a writer and stuff but I was all excited because he Amy’s brother. You know, the Strangers with Candy woman? She’s a scream. I have to say, the show was okay but kind of boring. It was just a guy reading for two hours. And some of the things he said were kind of mean. He’s supposed to be gay but he didn’t talk about shopping or Cher or La Lohan or any of the good stuff. I told Randy we should’ve gone to see “Employee of the Month” instead. God I can’t wait to see that movie. Looks hilarious!

I’m so excited today. Diddy’s new album is coming out. Is there anything he can’t do. What a role model! And you know what else Monday means — an all new “Bachelor.” Why can’t I be one of the lucky Bachelorettes? Maybe that’ll put me in a better mood. All this drizzle makes me feel sad.

It’s like the song says, rainy days and Mondays always get me down :<(

Noted and quoted, the smoke gets in your ass edition

"He reminds me of one of those guys at the gym who plays about 40 chessboards at once."

–White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, speaking about his boss in The New York Times. (Funny, I would’ve figured Bush could play at least 50 chessboards at once.)

Snow goes on to say working in the White House is "the most exciting, intellectually aerobic job I’m ever going to have." On the nature of the American soul after 9/11: "There is an ember of greatness burning in every heart."

I trust Tony can name his price at Harlequin after his current gig expires.

October in Atlanta

Thanks to Nurse Hall for taking the initiative and purchasing tickets for humorist David Sedaris‘ show tonight. He did not disappoint. I felt slightly shortchanged, however, when my companion encouraged me not to participate in the audience Q & A. I’m convinced my contribution would’ve been welcomed:

What conclusion, if any, do you draw from the fact that Charles Nelson Reilly and Rip Taylor share the same birthday (Jan. 13, an unofficial, and unrecognized, gay holiday)?

Inspired by Sedaris, I’m fine-tuning a short story about the influence big tittied women had on my homosexuality, coming soon to the Malcontent.

October in Atlanta

Thanks to Nurse Hall for taking the initiative and purchasing tickets for humorist David Sedaris‘ show tonight. He did not disappoint. I felt slightly shortchanged, however, when my companion encouraged me not to participate in the audience Q & A. I’m convinced my contribution would’ve been welcomed:

What conclusion, if any, do you draw from the fact that Charles Nelson Reilly and Rip Taylor share the same birthday (Jan. 13, an unofficial, and unrecognized, gay holiday)?

Inspired by Sedaris, I’m fine-tuning a short story about the influence big tittied women had on my homosexuality, coming soon to the Malcontent.

Noted and quoted, lowered expectations edition

“I’ve been trying to date less attractive people, but I’ve yet to find any I’ve been attracted to.”

–Nurse Hall