It came from 1982

BillyjoelWilliam Joel, doing a poor Bruce Springsteen imitation (though, admittedly, I recall being excited by the brief glimpse of male nudity in this vid. We’re talking 24 years ago, when titillation was much harder to cum by. My straight friends had their dad’s "Playboy" collection to peruse, while I had to settle for two seconds of a Billy Joel video. Not fair).

Fortunately, the former Mr. Christie Brinkley remained clothed.

It came from 1982

BillyjoelWilliam Joel, doing a poor Bruce Springsteen imitation (though, admittedly, I recall being excited by the brief glimpse of male nudity in this vid. We’re talking 24 years ago, when titillation was much harder to cum by. My straight friends had their dad’s "Playboy" collection to peruse, while I had to settle for two seconds of a Billy Joel video. Not fair).

Fortunately, the former Mr. Christie Brinkley remained clothed.

Noted and quoted, religious right smackdown edition

“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.”

–C.S. Lewis

Noted and quoted, religious right smackdown edition

“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.”

–C.S. Lewis

Daddy, what does yield mean?

Father of the Year?

Meet Alfredo Martinez. While the Nevada man should be saluted for knowing that he was too drunk to get behind the wheel last night, he probably should not have tabbed his seven-year-old son as his designated driver. Martinez, 37, was arrested after Reno cops spotted his car weaving across lanes and stopping suddenly. When officers pulled over the vehicle before it could enter a highway, they found a plastered Martinez in the passenger seat and his son behind the wheel.

Daddy, what does yield mean?

Father of the Year?

Meet Alfredo Martinez. While the Nevada man should be saluted for knowing that he was too drunk to get behind the wheel last night, he probably should not have tabbed his seven-year-old son as his designated driver. Martinez, 37, was arrested after Reno cops spotted his car weaving across lanes and stopping suddenly. When officers pulled over the vehicle before it could enter a highway, they found a plastered Martinez in the passenger seat and his son behind the wheel.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever

Thanks to Jennifer Echols, czarina of a local freelancing collective, for passing this along …

Every year, English teachers from across the country submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. Here’s some of last year’s best:

*He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it;

*He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree;

*The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t;

*From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30;

*Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph;

*They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth;

*John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met;

*He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River;

*Shots rang out, as shots are known to do;

*The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while;

*He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something;

*It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

Think before you speak

Of course Republicans will go overboard with indignation at the insensitive words of John Kerry, but you can’t blame them for eating political red meat. What Kerry said was at worst flippant and at best foolish, and it tends to confirm the elitist tag many have placed on the former presidential nominee:John20kerry20wind20surfing

"You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq."

Maybe he’s sincere when he says he was referring to Bush being "stuck" in Iraq, and I’m sure he didn’t intend to denigrate American soldiers, but many vets believe he did. And they deserve the benefit of the doubt far more than yet another arrogant politico.

Of course, some on the left — just like their Stepford conservative counterparts — can’t bring themselves to criticize their own, even when it’s in their best interest to do so.

Here’s Daily Kos’ predictable take:

So John Kerry mangles a sentence in a public appearance, and the right-wing smear machine and its traditional media enablers are apoplectic. I mean, John Kerry is a, um, junior senator not running for reelection! And he’s, um, a war hero who hates the troops! And um, we hate him because he’s John Kerry!

Trust me, I haven’t been shy to pile on Kerry when warranted, but what a load of bullshit this is.

Trust me, I know bullshit when I see it, Kos, and you’re the one knee deep in it. And let’s cool it with the "hero" stuff. Kerry is a vet, and for that he should be saluted, but I’m not sure he qualifies as heroic. Opportunistic, perhaps …

Think before you speak

Of course Republicans will go overboard with indignation at the insensitive words of John Kerry, but you can’t blame them for eating political red meat. What Kerry said was at worst flippant and at best foolish, and it tends to confirm the elitist tag many have placed on the former presidential nominee:John20kerry20wind20surfing

"You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq."

Maybe he’s sincere when he says he was referring to Bush being "stuck" in Iraq, and I’m sure he didn’t intend to denigrate American soldiers, but many vets believe he did. And they deserve the benefit of the doubt far more than yet another arrogant politico.

Of course, some on the left — just like their Stepford conservative counterparts — can’t bring themselves to criticize their own, even when it’s in their best interest to do so.

Here’s Daily Kos’ predictable take:

So John Kerry mangles a sentence in a public appearance, and the right-wing smear machine and its traditional media enablers are apoplectic. I mean, John Kerry is a, um, junior senator not running for reelection! And he’s, um, a war hero who hates the troops! And um, we hate him because he’s John Kerry!

Trust me, I haven’t been shy to pile on Kerry when warranted, but what a load of bullshit this is.

Trust me, I know bullshit when I see it, Kos, and you’re the one knee deep in it. And let’s cool it with the "hero" stuff. Kerry is a vet, and for that he should be saluted, but I’m not sure he qualifies as heroic. Opportunistic, perhaps …

Stealing my chagrin

Glad to see the New York Times hates the John Mellencamp Chevy ad, too:

And now we have Mr. Mellencamp, who’s done some rebranding of his own, having dropped the “Cougar” from his name back when his image needed a folksy turn. His political values seem equally elastic. He and his spouse once wrote a jeremiad against the Bush administration that said, in part: “It is time to take back our country. Take it back from political agendas, corporate greed and overall manipulation.”

That was in 2003. Now he’s sitting on the fender of a Chevy truck, strumming a guitar and singing, “Well, I can stand beside ideals I think are right, and I can stand beside the idea to stand and fight.” He can also stand beside a nice shiny truck, if the fee is right.

Our disdain is shared by many …

*Jerry Della Femina, who runs an ad agency in New York, says he believes the spot is something of a new low.

“You see all these moving images and at the end of it, all you get is a lousy Chevy truck,” he said. Mr. Della Femina called the ad “manipulative” and said it suggested that G.M. was “somehow coming up from the depths.”

*“The message seems to be, ‘If you don’t buy our truck, we will go bankrupt,’ ” said Al Ries of Ries & Ries, a brand consultancy. “The kind of people who buy trucks are not going to buy them because a company is in trouble. People like to buy from winners.”

*“The first time I saw it, I thought, holy mackerel, they are using negative images to generate positive emotions,” said Bob Garfield, the advertising critic of Advertising Age. “I have never seen that in a commercial.”

“I feel a little violated when I watch it,” he said. “I don’t mind when they have a tent sale on President’s Day, but those guys have been dead for 200 years. I’m not sure I’m ready for a Rosa Parks sale-a-bration.”

These are two of my least favorite things

Least favorite “sport” (i.e. mind-numbing activity): Golf
Least favorite musical genre: Smooth jazz

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Guess who ranks as the top linkster among musicians, according to Golf Digest? Kenny G, natch –

“With the sax, I learned technique well enough so that it feels like part of my body and I just express myself,” he said. “That’s where I want to get in golf.”

Noted and quoted, religious right smackdown edition

“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.”

–C.S. Lewis

Noted and quoted, religious right smackdown edition

“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.”

–C.S. Lewis