I would’ve loved to have been a musclehead tonight. Considering I was at Turner Field, I would’ve fit in nicely.
There was plenty of ugliness on the field (it’s official: the Braves run of excellence is over) and even more in the stands. First, I had to deal with hordes of nouveau Red Sox fans. At least a quarter of the crowd in Atlanta was cheering for Boston, and I’m certain only about a quarter of those people actually hail from New England.
They needed a good beating.
Like the fat sack of shit sitting two rows in front of me, zestfully rooting for the Red Sox in a Southern twang. Hard to figure him for a Brookline-ite. “Hey, I bet you’re a Steelers fan,” I yelled in frustration, to which he replied: “How’d the Falcons do last year?” To which I replied, under my breath, “So if your kid gets a bad report card do you stop loving him?” My buddy Al Kosa was more direct: “Lose some weight!”
He needed a good beating (the Sox fan, not Al).
Is there anything more annoying than a frontrunner? Maybe the hick standing in the aisle with his shirt off exhorting the Braves fans to … do the wave, in the 8th inning (he needed a good beating). Let’s face it: the pro sports environment in Atlanta is tepid, at best. Most “fans” either don’t care or root for another team.
I tried to get in the spirt of things, responding to the repetitive “Let’s go Red Sox” chant with “Bill-y Buckner” or “Buck-y Dent,” which elicited mostly nervous looks from the surrounding throng, like this one chick with pig tails who caught my eye, implying, with her furrowed brow, that I was being mean.
No, I’m trying to be a fan. It would be nice to have some company, but you could fit all the die-hard Braves followers into a Holiday Inn banquet room (an overstatement, perhaps, but not that far off). It ain’t easy being a baseball acolyte in a region filled with transplants brainwashed by the alleged appeal of football — “That fourth instant replay challenge sure was exciting.”
And it’s worse when you have a bunch of yankee rednecks throwing it in your face.